English paper

A Well Thought-Out Englilsh Paper

"The Yellow Dart" asks Strong Bad to write his Englilsh paper for him.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Homestar Runner (voice only)

Places: Computer Room

Computer: Compy 386

Date: Monday, February 24, 2003

Running Time: 2:13

Page Title: Compy 386!

DVD:strongbad email.exe Disc Two

Transcript

STRONG BAD: Come on guys! Get your heads in the game.

{reading}

>Dear Strong Bad,
>Right now I am putting off writing a
>paper for my English class. Can you
>write my Englilsh paper for me? I
>don't even care if it's good or not,
>I just don't want to do it.
>
>Kyle Smith,
>Manhattan, Kansas

{Strong Bad stops and says "Ahh. Never get tired of how that sounds" after reading "Dear Strong Bad". He also reads "Englilsh" as "Englilish".}

STRONG BAD: Umm... {typing} I don't really think you need to worry about it being any good if you write it, Kyle. But I'll take a crack at it.

{Cut to a blank sheet of paper.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} So let's start out with the title page. {typing} "A Well Thought-Out Englilsh Paper" by Kyle Smith. {stops typing} You know, it couldn't hurt to soup up your name a little bit, Kyle. Y'know, like throw a cool nickname in there, like Kyle "The Yellow Dart" Smith. {"The Yellow Dart" appears in Kyle Smith's name} Oh, yeah! That right there will get you five to ten extra credit points easy. {"+5" and "+10" appear on the paper in red ink, followed by "cool nickname!" with an arrow pointing to the nickname} Then you move into the introduction. {Strong Bad starts typing the essay} Chances are, this is all your teacher's gonna read before they give you a grade, so... that's why the cool nickname is so important. "The Yellow Dart." I'm awesome. {"+5 nickname still cool!" appears on the paper.} Then you got the body, which is-a my personal favorite...

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {offscreen} Hey, Strong Bad! I'm inside your house.

STRONG BAD: {voiceover, while typing the essay} Oh. That sucks. What can I do for ya?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {offscreen} Can I have the rest of this breakfast burrito?

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} I guess. What do you want it for?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {offscreen} Umm... I'm gonna try and sell it at some type of online auction.

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Hey, do whatcha gotta do. Look, I'm busy writing a paper for my man "The Yellow Dart" over here.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {offscreen} Okay bye! {runs off}

STRONG BAD: {to Homestar, still voiceover} Uh, you won't get more than three-fifty for it! Believe me, I've tried.

{Cut to the essay as written sitting on a desk}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Okay, so I think we're just about done. We just need to apply a little double-space action... {The essay becomes double-spaced} or, uh... maybe a little triple-space action... {The essay becomes triple-spaced} then I'd beef it up with some random diagrams... That can't hurt.

{The diagram is a comparison of eating one battery to eating five batteries. Cut to Strong Bad sitting in front of the computer}

STRONG BAD: I think it's pretty good as-is, but, uh... couldn't hurt to throw a little cash in there to uh... seal the deal. {typing} Alright The Yellow Dart, you owe me, man. Can't nobody say Strong Bad never did nothing for the peoples. Now it is my intention to sit down and play video games for several hours.

{Strong Bad gets up, The Paper comes down, and the essay appears onscreen.}

Easter Eggs

• At the end of the email, flip to the page after the title page and click on the words "The Cheat's allowance" to see the online auction for the breakfast burrito.
• Keep flipping through the paper, and after it flips back to the front, the paper can be downloaded in the Microsoft Word .doc format.

Fun Facts

The English Paper

>"A Well Thought-Out Englilsh Paper"
>by Kyle "The Yellow Dart" Smith

>Since maybe like the Middle Ages, there have been many
>differing opinions on hustle and bustle. This cannot be
>denied. It is my intention to sit down and play video games
>for several hours.

>First, moving around quickly, and with purpose, is a
>true sign of character. Secondarily, bustle(e.g. hustle)
>yields more product for the working types. "Hustle and bustle
>are like my right and left arms," said Li'l Spicy in his famous
>"Hustle and Bustle Are Like My Right and Left Arms" speech.
>Webster's defines bustle as "excited and often noisy activity;
>a stir." A stir, indeed. Finally, sometimes gross stuff can
>be funny.

>In conclusion, I, "The Yellow Dart," think I have done a
>great job illustrating the many differing opinions about hustle
>and bustle, may they both rest in peace. Also, I think Strong
>Bad should decrease The Cheat's allowance.

{Page Three features the batteries diagrams, and turning it over shows two dollar bills, two quarters, and three pennies taped to the back of the paper.}

Trivia

• Originally, the cash was scanned pictures of actual money. However, The Brothers Chaps later scrapped the idea, and used cartoon drawings instead.
• Kyle "The Yellow Dart" Smith allegedly reported via an Internet forum that he actually did submit Strong Bad's English paper along with his own real one.
• Originally, the half-eaten burrito was actually listed for sale on eBay. According to a message board from the time of release, the burrito shot from $3.50 to over $1,000,000 in a matter of hours. By 9:10 pm it was past $5,000,000, and by 10:19 pm it had maxed out at $99,999,999. During this time messages were displayed somewhere from Homestar, including:

>Oh my god you guys are crazy!!! This isn't even one of Marzipan's famous tofu breakfast burritos. >But since you guys like so much, guess what, I'll throw in the plate. >BTW, watch for my upcoming auctions: One of The Cheat's sweat socks, Marzipan's bread and butter pickle recipe, >and Strong Sad's autographed Moby baby-doll tee!

>Alright, alright! I'll pay the shipping. It's the least I can do.

>C'mon guys, quit going crazy on my auction. >This thing isn't worth half of what it's going for. It is half-eaten, afterall. >I'm going to use the money to buy Marzipan a Yello Dello. >And if that's you running up the price, The Cheat, don't ask me to shave your back anymore.

• Due to the large number of bogus bids, the burrito was eventually pulled. The cancellation notice(s) read:

>Sewiouslwy guys, this thing is half eaten afterall.

>The King Of Town ate the burrito. This does not look good for Homestar Runner.

• Within the online auction page is the first time Strong Bad is called a "wrestle man".

Remarks

• Strong Bad taped $2.53 to the back of the paper. It is not entirely clear whether the silver coins are nickels or quarters, though the portrait looks similar to that on the one dollar bills, which also feature George Washington.
• The printable version of the english paper was created on Sunday, February 23, 2003 10:27:00 PM and printed on Monday, February 24, 2003 4:57:00 AM. The software it was written on is registered to "Preferred Customer" of "Dell Computer Corporation".
• Between typing "speech" and "Webster's", there is a lengthy pause, during which the typing sounds are still going on.
• The a> prompt is missing from the back button.

Inside References

• According to the auction Easter egg, Homestar's screen name is witchesbrew82—yet another in a long line of Witches' Brew references. The high bidder is cheatachu72, which is The Cheat's Instant Messenge screen name from i she be.
• This is another appearance of loose coins.
• Strong Bad says, "Can't nobody say Strong Bad never did nothing for the peoples." This is an example of a multiple negative. Cancelling out the negatives, the phrase means "Somebody can say Strong Bad did something for the peoples."

Fast Forward

• The diagram of the man eating a battery is later used in bottom 10, except instead of a battery, he has a Fluffy Puff Marshmallow crammed into his mouth.

DVD Version

• The "Englilsh" Paper is only accessible via a hidden Strong Bad icon in the lower-right corner of the Compy 386 screen. However, you now get to hear Strong Bad read the paper aloud. Furthermore, there are some additional comments near the end of this.
  • STRONG BAD: Eating one battery. Eating five batteries. Oh, that guy has got quite a gullet. {turns to page four} And what I like to call a little... inshoirance.
  • Strong Bad misspells "yields" as "yeilds" in the image of the essay that he is reading in this extra (though it is correct in the online version).
• The Breakfast Burrito is accessible via a hidden Strong Bad icon in the lower-left corner of the Compy 386 screen instead of through the Englilsh Paper. As with the Englilsh Paper, you get to hear Homestar Runner read it.

Fun Facts

• Strong Bad's pronunciation of the word "insurance" is another example of an "er" sound pronounced as "oi" (in other words, a mock Brooklyn accent).

External Links

• watch "english paper"
• watch "english paper" on the old Flash site
• view the Flash file for "english paper"
• view the auction
• read the English paper