Teen Girl Squad Issue 13

"Don't let Timkins play my PSone!"

So and So is baby-sitting, but her friends interrupt and run amok.

Cast (in order of appearance): Tompkins, Momkins, Baby Timkins, Tompkins's Virtual Pet, So and So, Arrow'd Guy, Cheerleader, What's Her Face, The Ugly One, Plumber, Peacey P, Olympic Man, Policemen

Places: Tompkins's house, Hotel Balcony

Date: Monday, June 18, 2007

Running Time: 3:25

Page Title: Bebe's Sitter's Kids!

DVD:Everything Else, Volume 3

Transcript

{The toon opens with Tompkins playing his Game Boy with a silhouette of his mother waving to him. The Teen Girl Squad theme music plays.}

TOMPKINS: Aww, peas Momkins. I don't need a babysitter.

{Zoom out to reveal Momkins, a female robot with a stubby beard wearing cowboy boots and a hat and carrying a pickaxe, along with a baby picking its nose.}

TOMPKINS: I can watch baby Timkins while you go out prospecting for future ex-husbands.

MOMKINS: Whatevs little man. You can't even take care of your own virtual pet.

{Cut to a closeup of the Game Boy screen, displaying a bloated pet and the text, "Food: 600%". Music stops}

VIRTUAL PET: Please stop feeding me!

{Music continues. Tompkins begins mashing the buttons on the Game Boy. The text "m.a.s.h." appears each time he presses a button}

TOMPKINS: Teh heh heh heh heh.

{Cut to Momkins standing next to the front door, which has a large, wrinkly face on it}

FRONT DOOR: Ding dong. Ding dong, yo.

{The door opens to reveal So and So, with fangs.}

SO AND SO: Hello Mrs. Tompkinsrobotmomerson. I know I'm 3 hours early, but I wanted to...

MOMKINS: Listen, I'll be at a place until a time. My cell phone number is some numbers. The baby needs stuff. What's poison control? Punch Tompkins in the gut. Good luck.

{Momkins rushes out the door with a crazed look on her face and her tongue hanging out of her mouth. Her hat flies off and So and So's hair is disheveled as she leaves.}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: She gone!

{Cut to So and So speaking to Tompkins, who is playing his Game Boy next to a clock. The clock reads 5:03}

SO AND SO: {pointing to her watch} Alright Tompkins, it is WAY past your bedtime.

TOMPKINS: {pointing at a flustered So and So} Listen babysit, I don't need to be babysat. I'll be in my room reorganizing my trenchcoats.

{As Tompkins leaves, a giant baby that resembles the Arrow'd Guy lands on and crushes him. The music stops.}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: BABY SAT!

TOMPKINS: Don't let Timkins play my PSone!!!!!

{Cut to a Teen Girl Squad title screen, featuring Cheerleader (wearing a dress labeled "Ms. Thang"), The Ugly One, and What's Her Face smashing through a wall. "issue 13" and "by: strong bad" appear in the corners. The theme music plays.}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: Teen Girl Squad!!! Cheerleader! {$15/hour} What's Her Face! {$4.75/hour} The Ugly One! {plain yogurt/hour}

{Cut to So and So speaking to the other girls next to the smashed wall}

SO AND SO: Not now, you guys. I'm babysitting.

{Close up on Cheerleader}

CHEERLEADER: Oh, we know how to babysit... {grows hypnotic eyes and fangs, and pulls out a cell phone and several volumes of "Dem Boys"} I'll call EACH AND EVERY BOY!!

{Cut to What's Her Face}

WHAT'S HER FACE: I'll eat all their food!

{Cut to The Ugly One, wearing a crown and a ruffled collar, holding a remote}

THE UGLY ONE: Just call me the queen of pay-per-view! {throws off the crown and collar and pushes the remote buttons. The text "t.a.p.s." appears every time the buttons are pushed} I think Ola Toya is fighting Camptown Jr. at Caesar's tonight!

{Cut back to shot of So and So talking to Cheerleader (holding the cell phone), What's Her Face and The Ugly One (holding the remote)}

SO AND SO: SHHH! Keep it down! The baby is studying for the SAT.

{Cut to baby Timkins, under a pile of four books labeled "babySAT"}

TIMKINS: Goo goo is ga-ga. Wah wah is ga-ga. {raises finger} Are all goo goos wah wahs?

{Cut to an annoyed Cheerleader, holding her cell phone. Her dress now reads "The future Ms. Thang".}

CHEERLEADER: Dag! None of my regulars are picking up! Let's see who on my B-list!

{The phone rings, and the screen splits to show a plumber answering the call on a plunger.}

PLUMBER: Uh, Buttcrack Plumbing!

CHEERLEADER: Hi Randy! I'm babysittin' tonight. Wanna come over and sneak in through the back window?

PLUMBER: And this is for a how many gallon toilet, ma'am?

CHEERLEADER: Bring all your hot friends... they've got two pantries!!!

{A toilet with a beret, a mustache, a goatee, and a loaf of french bread crushes Cheerleader with a plunger.}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: EAU DE TOILETTE!

CHEERLEADER: So dignified!

{Cut to What's Her Face standing between the two pantries}

WHAT'S HER FACE: Wow! 2 pantries! I'll have me a diet soda I s'pose.

{So and So enters, livid with a giant mouth and fangs.}

SO AND SO: STOP! How many of those have you had?!?!

WHAT'S HER FACE: {annoyed} Uh, negative one sip.

{So and So holds up a textbook entitled, "urban legends i mean health class"}

SO AND SO: Don't you remember health class? You'll microwave the baby!!

WHAT'S HER FACE: {holding up a "Diet Brown" can} This is Diet Brown, not PCP.

{The Ugly One slides into the room. What's Her Face and So and So look surprised.}

THE UGLY ONE: Did somebody say Peacey P? I LOVES the Peacey P!

{Cut to Peacey P, wearing a jersey labeled "☮y P" ("[Peace symbol]y P"), standing with Olympic Man (with a blurred jersey)}

PEACEY P: Crample-o stow wha clamminuh whaow. My new album drop next sursdai. Ya'll biscuitheads.

{The Ugly One enters with a ☮y ([Peace symbol]y) necklace, and a pencil and notepad.}

THE UGLY ONE: Can a sista get an autograph?

{Olympic Man dangles The Ugly One off a balcony}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: DANGLED OFF A HOTEL BALCONY'D!!

THE UGLY ONE: That's it?

{Zoom out as The Ugly One is dropped from the balcony into a "bayonet tailgate party"}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: Uh, and then DROPPED FROM SAID HOTEL BALCONY'D!!

THE UGLY ONE: That's better!

{Cut to So and So holding a dirty diaper and yelling at baby Timkins}

SO AND SO: What kinda dirty diaper is this?! I told you to alphabetize this stuff!

{Cut to Front Door. A surprised So and So is leaning in, still holding the diaper}

FRONT DOOR: BANG! BANG! BANG!

THE POLICE: {from behind the door} Open up! It's the police!

{Cut to a terrified So and So jumping in the air, dropping the diaper}

SO AND SO: AHH! THE POPO! I can't do another nickel!

{So and So jumps into the kitchen sink as background music begins to play.}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: {singing} GARBAGE DISPOSAL,

{Cut to a shot of the garbage disposal in the sink, with evil eyes, fangs, scales, and flames on its edges}

WHAT A WAY TO GO!

{Cut to a grinning So and So in the garbage disposal, dancing with a plate, a spoon, a piece of broccoli and a carrot.}

GARBAGE DISPOSAL,

{All but So and So's arm disappears}

MEET SO AND SO!

{So and So's arm disappears. The plate, spoon, broccoli and carrot look surprised. Music stops and is replaced by the theme music. Cut to the Front Door, where What's Her Face has let two policemen into the house.}

WHAT'S HER FACE: Can I help you gentlemen?

POLICEMAN 1: Uh, yes, ma'am. We got a report of us wanting to watch the Ola Toya fight. You mind if we investigate?

POLICEMAN 2: {holding up a packet labeled "SNAK MiX"} I brought snack mix.

{Cut to a "confidential" envelope out of which three game cards are removed.}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: The Snak Mix, in Tompkins' Parlor, WITH THE PRETZEL STICK!

{Cut to a life-sized Snak Mix bag with a monocle, who clubs What's Her Face with a pretzel stick}

WHAT'S HER FACE: OW! MY STYLE! (or lack thereof)

{Cut to Momkins, the two policemen, and baby Timkins sitting on a couch watching TV}

TV ANNOUNCER: ...anuddah vicious right!!!

POLICEMAN 1: I need to put an APB out on some microwave popcorn.

POLICEMAN 2: {looking at Momkins} I'd like to report a very good-looking robot prospector.

MOMKINS: Awww, shush!

{Brief pause. The music stops}

TIMKINS: {pointing at Policeman 1} You're not my real father!

{Cut to the usual "It's over!" screen}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: It's over!

Easter Eggs

Drops Next Sursdai!

• Click on the "O" at the end to see a promo for Peacey P's new album.

{The Crample-O Stow Records logo appears. The logo is a gold hand making a C shape in a gold circle. The logo shines a few times. Hip hop music plays in the background} ANNOUNCER: Crample-O Stow Records presents... {Peacey P's album appears} ANNOUNCER: ..."Deliberance", the new album from Peacey P... {As the announcer says the following words, they appear in yellow zig-zags} ANNOUNCER: ...featuring: Large Craig, featuring: The Overripe MC, featuring: Tenerence Love, featuring: Akryllix & 3rd Lung, featuring: Peacey P! {A speech bubble appears next to Peacey P's picture, containing the following words:} PEACEY P: I'm a guest star on my own album, ya'll biscuitheads! {The words "Drops Next Sursdai!" appear in a red oval at the bottom. Music fades out}

Fun Facts

Explanations

• PCP, also known as angel dust, is a recreational drug that causes hallucinations.
• Eau de Toilette is French for a light, low concentrate perfume. "Toilet(te)" is used in an obsolete sense in both English and French to refer to personal grooming, similar to "toiletry".
• APB stands for all points bulletin, a broadcast issued from one law enforcement agency to another, typically containing information about a wanted suspect.
• A Bayonet is a knife or dagger-like weapon that attaches underneath the barrel of a gun.
• The SAT Reasoning Test is a test that is frequently taken prior to entry into college in the United States.
  • Timkins's line "Goo goo is ga-ga. Wah wah is ga-ga. Are all goo goos wah wahs?" is a syllogism of the form "All X are Y. All Z are Y. Are all X Z?" (the correct answer is "not necessarily"). Syllogisms have never been used on the SAT, but are staples of IQ tests.
• "The PoPo" was a slang term in the '80s and '90s used to describe the police.
• A "nickel" is slang for a five-year prison sentence.
• Olympic Man's jersey is blurred because logos, trademarked designs, and certain words on clothing are often obscured by the producers of visual media (usually television or music videos) when they don't want the logos, designs, or words visible in the final product.

Trivia

• This is the first Teen Girl Squad issue to use a cold open instead of starting immediately with the opening title sequence.
• This is the first Teen Girl Squad issue since issue 7 in which Strong Bad does not work a variation of himself into the comic.
• The YouTube description for this toon is "The Teen Girl Squad try out babysitting."

Remarks

• The '2 pantries' are mirror images of one another.
• When So and So yells "Ah! The popo!" it's not in a word balloon, but her next line is.
• Peacey P's new album is said to come out next 'sursdai'. However, officially released albums are always released on a Tuesday.
• This is the first Teen Girl Squad issue to include a suicide; all of the deaths up to this point have been homicides or accidents.
  • It is also possible that So and So thought she could go through the garbage disposal safely, and wasn't trying to commit suicide.
• "Ya'll" should be spelled "Y'all".

Goofs

• The rounded, black border is not present during the "Loading" frames.
• Tompkins is misspelled as "Tomkins" on the Toons Menu description. (See [#Fixed_Goofs below.])
• Once the police officer starts talking to What's Her Face, the nose on the door's face is suddenly half as long.
• The Ugly One's line, "That's it?", is missing the apostrophe.

Fixed Goofs

• Tompkins's name was misspelled as "Tomkins" through the entire toon, except in the Snack Mix sequence ("Tompkins' Parlor").
• When Cheerleader was telling the plumber to sneak in through the back window, the text read "the through", while she said "through the".

Inside References

• When Momkins answers the door, So and So has fangs.
• What's Her Face comments about the loss of her style.
• When Tompkins pushes the buttons on his Game Boy to feed his virtual pet, the text "m.a.s.h." appears.
• So and So saying "I can't do another nickel!" is likely in reference to Teen Girl Squad Issue 11 when So and So was in jail for shoplifting.
• Tompkins's mom's name ends with -erson.
• "Deliberance" is a portmanteau.
• There are several (seemingly gratuitous) uses of three letter abbreviations including: PPV, SAT, BCP, PCP and APB.
• Peacey P features himself on his own album.
• What's Her Face's soda is another instance of color flavored food.

Real-World References

• Tompkins's virtual pet resembles a Tamagotchi.
• When Tompkins feeds his virtual pet, the text "m.a.s.h." is a reference to M*A*S*H. Likewise, "t.a.p.s.", which appears when The Ugly One presses the buttons on the TV remote, is a reference to Taps, whose title was spelled "T*A*P*S" on the DVD release.
• So and So's line "You'll microwave the baby!!" and the book of urban legends she is holding reference the urban legend of a stoned babysitter mistaking a baby for a turkey, and accidentally putting it in the oven (or microwave, in some versions).
• The lines about the Snack Mix prior to What's Her Face's demise are based on the board game Clue. The picture of the Snack Mix on the card resembles Clue character Colonel Mustard.
• The page title is a reference to comedian Robin Harris's "Bébé's Kids" stand-up comedy act. After his death, his routine was adapted into a movie, also called "Bébé's Kids", the first animated feature with a majority Black cast.
• "Ding dong. Ding dong, yo." is a line from the video for "Fat" by "Weird Al" Yankovic.
• The policemen resemble Eddie and Lou from The Simpsons.
• Dangling The Ugly One over the balcony is a reference to Vanilla Ice's claim that rap record producer Marion "Suge" Knight hung him up upside down on a hotel balcony in order to get Vanilla Ice to turn over his royalties.
• The PS one is a smaller and redesigned version of the PlayStation video game console, released by Sony Computer Entertainment in 2000. The term "PS One" is also sometimes used to refer to the original PlayStation, to distinguish it from its successors.
• "Ola Toya is fighting Camptown Jr. at Caesar's tonight" is a reference to the De La Hoya-Mayweather Jr. Fight at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas in May 2007.
• Caesars is a casino brand owned by Harrah's Entertainment.
• Momkins' outfit resembles the gold prospector garb from the Wild West era. In her case, however, a gold digger signifies a person who marries only for monetary gain.
• Deliberance may be a reference to the album Deliverance from the rap artist Bubba Sparxxx.

Fast Forward

• The album art for "deliberance" (from the Easter egg) appears in the opening for Podstar Runner.
• The phrase "She gone!" was reused in Strong Bad Gameways.
• Tenerence Love and Peacey P would later collaborate in an Easter egg in Issue 15.

DVD Version

• The DVD version features hidden creators' commentary. To access it, switch your DVD player's audio language selection while watching.

Commentary Transcript

(Commentary by: Mike Chapman, Matt Chapman, Ryan Sterritt)

MATT: What a weird— this is a weird beginning to a Teen Girl Squad, Mike.

MIKE: Where are they!?

MATT: Yeah! Wha— Are we even watching the Teen Girl Squad? Is this the Tompkins Progrum?

MIKE: {simultaneous with last sentence} Change cha— we must be on the wro— our TiVo messed up and recorded the wrong channel.

MATT: {laughs, pauses until Tompkins laughs} We should make a game on the website where you try and overfeed your virtual pet.

{Mike laughs}

{pause}

MIKE: Remember the Robotic Stooges?

MATT: I do. Tompkins' mom reminds me of a Robotic Stooge. {pause} She gone!

MIKE: Wasn't it called— weren't they called the Robomic Stooges, though?

MATT: Really?

MIKE: I think they were called the Robonic Stooges.

MATT: Wow.

MIKE: Yeah.

MATT: Really?

MIKE: For some reas—

MATT: Why?

MIKE: I don't know.

MATT: Somebody—

MIKE: We'll have to Wikipedia that.

MATT: Ahh, the PS1.

MIKE: I was just thinking we need to get some PS1 games.

MATT: Probably.

MIKE: Crash Bandicoot Team Racing.

MATT: Battle Arena Toshinden.

{Mike laughs}

{pause}

MIKE: I, uh— I think I babysat once.

MATT: Yeah?

MIKE: Yeah, for these two kids. And, uh... I liter— I had to fix a Teddy Ruxpin.

RYAN: Really?

MIKE: The Teddy Ruxpin was messed up and I had to fix— you know, figure out how to fix it 'cause the kid was bawling.

MATT: Nice. Did you put, like, AC/DC in there, like, instead of his tape?

MIKE: {overlapping Matt's comment} Yeah. The tape.

MATT: So, it'd, like—

MIKE: Backwards Satan.

MATT: Yeah, so it'd cause him to flame.

{Mike and Ryan laugh}

MIKE: Yeah.

MATT: Oh, Randy— Randy Buttcrack! {Mike laughs} He's talking on a— He's talking on a plunger, Ryan.

RYAN: With a cord.

MATT: We— Weren't we going to do— We were going to do an Easter egg. We never did that Easter egg of a commercial for Buttcrack Plumbing.

MIKE: Oh, that's right.

RYAN: We used to have a football phone that you opened up.

MATT: Nice.

RYAN: I think it might've been a—

MATT: Did you get it from from...

RYAN: Sports Illustrated, I think.

MIKE: Yeah.

MATT: Yep.

{Mike and Matt laugh}

RYAN: Late '80s. {pause} We even— I think we had a, uh... uh...

{pause}

MATT: Yes? Say it, Ryan!

RYAN: What are they called? The measuring tape...

MATT: A tape measure?

RYAN: A tape measure phone as well, and you'd open it up, that we got from Montgomery Ward.

MIKE: Nice.

MATT: Wow. Oh, here he is. Here's the man. {pause} Umm.. how about how in every hip-hop video there's some— some—

MIKE: Blurred out logo.

MATT: —some dude that just wore a Nike shirt. And it's just like—

MIKE: "What's up, man!?"

MATT: {simultaneously} "I told you, man! Just don't show up in a stupid Nike shirt, please! I told you we were filming a video, and you still wore your Nike shirt." The best part is when it's, like, the dude— the main guy— the main rapper—

RYAN: Snoop Dogg.

MATT: —couldn't be troubled to... change his shirt.

RYAN: I remember if you watched 'em on BET you could see the pot leaf on the, uh... the... Dr. Dre...

MIKE: {overlapping Ryan} On the... "Ain't Nuthin' but a 'G' Thang"?

RYAN: Yeah.

MATT: Really? They didn't blur it out, or they just did a bad job of blurring it out?

RYAN: {overlapping Matt} No, I remember, like, seeing it. It just— They didn't blur it out.

MATT: Oh! {pause} Look! It's the cops from The Simpsons! Lou and Eddie, is that their names? Looks kinda like Lou and Eddie.

RYAN: Lou Bega.

{pause}

MATT: That Snak Mix has a monocle. And a soul patch. {pause} These are the worst cops ever.

MIKE: She's not very good looking.

MATT: No, she has a beard!

MIKE: {overlapping Matt} That cop's got low standards!

RYAN: He likes the stubble.

MATT: {in a Teen Girl Squad-type voice} Aaah!

This DVD commentary transcript needs to be checked for transcription errors. You can help the Homestar Runner Wiki by proofreading it.

Fun Facts

• "The Tompkins Progrum" is another instance of the word progrum.
• TiVo is a brand of digital video recorder in the United States, Canada, and Australia. It is a consumer video device that captures television programming to hard disk storage for later viewing.
• The Robonic Stooges was a short-lived Saturday morning cartoon show featuring The Three Stooges as clumsy superheroes.
• Crash Bandicoot Team Racing is actually known as Crash Team Racing, the fourth installment in the Crash Bandicoot series for the PlayStation.
• Battle Arena Toshinden is a fighting game for the original PlayStation, as well as for the Sega Saturn and the PC.
• Teddy Ruxpin is an animatronic talking bear which was created by Ken Forsse with later assistance by Larry Larsen and John Davies. Teddy would move his mouth and eyes as he read stories via a standard audio tape deck built into his back.
• AC/DC is a pioneering rock and heavy metal band formed in Australia by brothers Malcolm and Angus Young.
• "Backwards Satan" is likely a reference to backmasking, a recording technique in which a sound or message is recorded backward onto a track that is meant to be played forward. Backmasking is a deliberate process, whereas a message found through phonetic reversal may be unintentional (such as the alleged Satanic message in Led Zeppelin's 'Stairway to Heaven').
• Sports Illustrated is the largest weekly American sports magazine.
• Nike is a major publicly traded sportswear and equipment supplier based in the United States.
• Snoop Dogg is a Grammy Award-winning American rapper, record producer and actor, best known as an MC in West Coast hip hop.
• BET is an American cable network based in Washington, D.C. targeted toward young African-Americans and urban audiences in the United States.
• Lou Bega is a reggae/hip-hop artist best known in the United States for "Mambo No.5".

External Links

• watch "Teen Girl Squad Issue 13"
• watch "Teen Girl Squad Issue 13" on YouTube
• watch "Teen Girl Squad Issue 13" on the old Flash site
• view the Flash file for "Teen Girl Squad Issue 13"
• forum thread re: "Teen Girl Squad Issue 13"

Teen Girl Squad
Characters	Main: Cheerleader, So and So, What's Her Face, The Ugly One Minor: Arrow'd Guy, The Birds, Brainkrieg, Fighting Growlbacks, The Gregs, Manolios, Mr. Pitters, Mrs. Commanderson, Olympic Man and Coach, Peacey P, Quarterman, she likes cloth, Thomas, Tompkins
Issues	Main: Issue 1, Issue 2, Issue 3, Issue 4, Issue 5, Issue 6, Issue 7, Issue 8, Issue 8½, Issue 9, Issue 10, Issue 11, Issue 12, Issue 13, Issue 14, Issue 15 SBCG4AP: Homestar Ruiner, Cave Girl Squad, Teen Girl Squad Meets Limozeen Toons: 4 Gregs, Decomposing Pumpkins
Miscellaneous	Locations, Costumes, Fangs, -'d, Ow! My X!, Captioned Transitions
Other	404'd, Neon 404'd, Teen Girl Squadcast, Teen Girl Squad Deaths