Strong badathlon

This article is about the Strong Bad Email. For the contest, see Strong Badathlon.

"Yeah? You think you got it like that?"

The residents of Free Country, USA compete in the Strong Badathlon.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, The Poopsmith, The Cheat, Coach Z, Homsar, Marzipan, Homestar Runner, Puppet Homestar (Easter egg), The Exact Same (Easter egg), Strong Mad, The Robot (storybook), Strong Sad

Places: The Computer Room, Strong Badia, The Field, Basement of the Brothers Strong, Marzipan's Kitchen

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: Monday, January 29, 2007

Running Time: 3:39

Page Title: Lappy 486

DVD:strongbad email.exe Disc Six

Transcript

STRONG BAD: {singing} I'm doin' a party, I'm makin' it happen, on Strong Bad Email.

>subject: the cheat >Strong bad,
>For a long time i've been wondering.... How far can you
>throw the cheat? If you don't want to do that, could you
>beat the crud out of homestar for no reason?
>
>Lewis Rudkin
>Essex, England.

{Strong Bad reads Essex as "S X"}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Y'know, it's funny how this always seems to work out, Rudkin... {clears screen} but those just happen to be the first two events in the Strong Badathlon!

{cuts to Strong Badathlon logo, slowly zooming in. Strong Badia is visible in the background. Trumpet music plays.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Unfortunately, they also happen to be my two worst events. The Cheat Chuck is consistently dominated by the Kenyans. I mean the Poopsmith. Ever since he devised the Whatsitburied Slop

{As he says this, it cuts to the Poopsmith next to a pile of whatsit, and then uses his shovel to fling a whatsit-covered The Cheat out of the pile.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} ...that guy's unbeatable!

{Cut to Coach Z standing next to the distance markers, watching The Cheat}

THE CHEAT: {Cheat noises as he flies through the air}

COACH Z: Holy gorsh! It looks like a new record!

{Cuts to Homsar and Marzipan sitting at a table having tea}

MARZIPAN: And that's why I believe the DNA evidence had been tampered with.

{The Cheat flies onto the table, causing whatsit to fly onto Marzipan's face and onto the camera, smearing it on the lens.}

MARZIPAN: Aah!

HOMSAR: Well, hello, chocolate cake!

{Cuts to results board of the Strong Badathlon}

Results 2007 StrongBadathlon The Cheat Chuck

  The Poopsmith......211pts.

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Greco-Roman Homestar Crud-Out-of-Beating is another event you'd think I'd be the best at. But the reigning champion seems to have intimate knowledge of Homestar's weak points.

{As he speaks, it cuts to Homestar walking onto the screen with a sweat band and athletic outfit on.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {punches himself in the stomach} Come on you little so and so. {slaps himself in the face, then punches himself in the stomach} Is that all you got? {punches himself in the side, then the face} Oh yeah? Oh yeah? You think you got it like that? {punches himself 3 times} Whaddya think this is, you little placemat? {gets hit in face once} A diaper show? {gets hit in stomach once more} It's not a diaper show. {gets hit in stomach again} I think that's pretty obvious.

STRONG BAD: {typing} Man, man, we should start putting those Homestar Vs. Homestar fights on pay-per-view. Instant classics! And speaking of pay-per-view,

{Cuts to Strong Bad sitting in the Basement, with a "Remote Put" graphic in the upper left hand corner.}

STRONG BAD: {voice over} Next up is the Remote Put.

{Cuts to the TV with a "Ready?" graphic on the screen.}

ANNOUNCER: {voice over, reading text that appears on screen} Cute little girl from sit-com sings patriotic song.

STRONG BAD: Dargh, I freakin' hate that little kid! Why'd they ever bring her on the show?! {throws remote} Agh!

{The remote hits the wall, breaking in two, causing the batteries to fly out. Graphic comes on screen, accompanied with a buzzer noise, graphic reads "DISQUALIFICATION! BATTERY FAULT!"}

STRONG BAD: What? These games are fixed! Check the East German's pants! Check the--

{Cuts through static to results screen}

Results 2007 StrongBadathlon The Cheat Chuck

  The Poopsmith......211pts.

Greco-Roman Homestar Crud-Out-of-Beating

  Homestar Runner....319pts.

Remote Put

  Cherry Greg........11pts.

STRONG BAD: {voice over} Our coverage of the 2007 Strong Badathlon continues with the Clean and Jerk... Strong Mad's Underwears... Over His Head. Fortunately, you don't really have to clean them.

{Cuts to Strong Bad and Coach Z standing behind Strong Mad, whose underwear is sticking out of his singlet, with a ruler against his back.}

STRONG BAD: Uhh, are you trying to tell me that this man doesn't already have a wedgie of illegal proportions?

COACH Z: Nope, that's the reggalation starting point.

STRONG BAD: That's it, I'm boycotting these games.

STRONG MAD: THANK THE LORD!!

{Cuts to results screen}

Results 2007 StrongBadathlon The Cheat Chuck

  The Poopsmith......211pts.

Greco-Roman Homestar Crud-Out-of-Beating

  Homestar Runner....319pts.

Remote Put

  Cherry Greg........11pts.

Clean and Jerk Strong Mad's Underwears Over His Head

  Pom Pom............6 billion pts

STRONG BAD: {voice over} And finally, my strongest event, {graphic appears, and adds new picture with each word} Probably Something with Guitars, lasers, Robots, and Hot Girls.

{Cut to Powered By The Cheat cartoon. A version of the Strong Badathlon logo morphs into a cloud at the top right corner as Strong Bad, with laser arms, fires at robots walking in the background. A woman with a green-and-white striped shirt walks by; when she walks past Strong Bad, he can be seen through the green stripes.}

PbTC STRONG BAD: {laser noises, shoots robots} Hey, wait, look Laconic, I got- I won the Good medal.

{With one laser-hand, he holds up a "Good medal". Cut to a Powered By The Cheat version of The Cheat playing the guitar. The word "Streisand" appears across the screen (going off the right side of it) as someone says it.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} And after all the medals have been given to the wrong athletes, we come to the ending closimonies, celebrating poor sportsmanship, drug testing, and good ol' fashioned people twirling ribbons.

{Cuts to Strong Sad and Marzipan twirling ribbons on a stage.}

STRONG SAD: {singing} Togetherness.

MARZIPAN: {singing} Togetherness.

MARZIPAN and STRONG SAD: {singing} Encircling the World.

{Homestar, with a white show suit over his shirt, jumps down and knocks Strong Sad and Marzipan off the stage.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing and dancing with his legs rapidly moving} Just take those old glasses off the shelf...

{Fireworks go off in the background to the tune of 'Old Time Rock and Roll', then a cut to Strong Bad sitting at the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} There you have it, Rudkin Shampoo. Someteen Days of Glory! And after the closimonies, most BadAthletes immediately begin filming product endorsements while their names are still fresh in our minds.

{Cuts to Strong Bad sitting in a kitchen with a box of cereal and a bowl.}

STRONG BAD: Whoa, wipe my brow. {he swipes sweat off his face} Winning gold medals {he holds up one} takes a lot of hard cereal, and dedication. That's why I eat {hold up box} Temporarios! The official cereal of athletes you won't remember in two weeks! {cuts to a shot of the box and bowl of cereal with two gold medals hanging off the side of it} Temporarios, {speech bubble comes out of box} "Cuz I'm Don't Get Paid!"

{The Paper comes down.}

Easter Eggs

"C'mon ya little placemat!"

• Click on "Lewis Rudkin; Essex, England." after Strong Bad says "Lewis" to see a Videlectrix game based on his name, Lewis Rudkin SX: england.
• When Strong Bad says "Homestar vs. Homestar fights", click on "fights" to see a poster.
• Click on "Rudkin Shampoo" to see a bottle of Rudkin Shampoo.

RUDKIN

WITH GREEN TEA AND CLOSIMONY

"So fancy, there's no opening!"

Fun Facts

Explanations

• "Athlon" in "strong badathlon" means "contest" in Greek (αθλον), and is found in the names of such events as the biathlon, triathlon, pentathlon, heptathlon, and decathlon.
• East Germany, or the German Democratic Republic, was a Communist state that existed prior to the fall of the Berlin Wall and dominated several Olympic events, in large part because the East German regime had an organized, secret and systematic doping program for its athletes, in an attempt to boost the country's global prestige. Many former East German athletes now suffer health problems in their later years, such was the extent and intensity of the doping program.
• Olympic athletes often rely on product endorsements for income due to Olympic amateurism regulations.
• Kenyan athletes are noted for dominating the sport of distance running.
• The "clean and jerk" is a part of weightlifting.
• Though the next Summer Olympics weren't until 2008, many Olympic-style competitions had been held around the time this email came out.

Trivia

• Before The Paper comes down, the words "Side Words" can be seen on the side of the Temporarios box.
  • This is also visible when Strong Bad first holds up the box.
• This is the first occurence of DNA evidence.
• The summary for the Podstar Runner RSS feed reads, "Strong Bad makes up his own olympics to answer some moron."
• This email marks the premiere of Homestar's new half-bent legs with rounded knees (see top image). Previous versions had pointed knees up until this point.

Remarks

• The Poopsmith being entrant Number 2 refers to a euphemism for Whatsit.
• The audience for the ending closimonies consists of (from left to right) Homsar, The Poopsmith, The Cheat, and Strong Bad, silhouetted in the foreground.
• Coach Z says "record" in the sentence, "Holy gorsh! It looks like a new record!" without his normal accent.

Goofs

• Strong Bad's arm disappears briefly when he wipes the sweat off his forehead.
• There's a white spot on the "O" in the "don't" during the product endorsement.
• In the Greco-Roman Homestar Crud-out-of-Beating event, Homestar's athletic pants and upper body (except the head) face the same direction at all times, but his legs face toward the viewer. They only match each other when Homestar first walks in and when he is knocked into the air.

Fixed Goofs

"Cuz I'm don't get a closed quote!

• The slogan for Temporarios cereal, "Cuz I'm don't get paid!" was originally missing the closing set of quotation marks (see right); this was quickly corrected.

Glitches

• Several phrases on the Temporarios box don't render correctly in the Flash file. In Ruffle, the words render in a default fallback font, extending past the edges of the box:
  • The blue oval is supposed to contain the words "For Eating!"
  • The red corner is supposed to contain the words "Chub Foods".
  • Underneath the "side words" should be a list of ingredients: "Sugar, Corn Syrup, Sugared Flour, Sugar, Corn, Sweet Flour, Sugar, Green Beans".

Inside References

• Cableman Jorge was Strong Bad's alias in Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 9.2.
• "Someteen days of glory!" is a reference to Teen Girl Squad Issue 10, where The Ugly One has a "Sweet Someteen Birthday".
• Guitars and lasers is possibly a reference to new hands, where, near the end, Strong Bad laments not having chosen guitars and laser guns as possible prosthetics.
  • Additionally, the lasers replacing Strong Bad's hands are the same style as the laser that replaces one of his hands in an Easter egg in the same email.
• Strong Bad considers putting Homestar vs. Homestar fights on pay-per-view.
• Cherry Greg wins the Remote Put with 11 points.
• The "GOOD" medal references the "GOOD" ribbon awarded in Pumpkin Carve-nival.
• Temporarios is another instance of invented breakfast cereal.
• The music for the commercial at the end is the same as the Schenectady Crispies Easter egg in labor day.
• After Strong Bad gets disqualified from "The Remote Put," he yells "Check the East German's pants! Check the-".
• Closimonies and Temporarios are portmanteaus.
• There is a reference to bad sportsmanship.
• Homestar previously said "Yeah? You think you got it like that?" in Some Puppet Stuff.

Real-World References

• The song Homestar starts to sing during the "ending closimonies" is sung to the tune of the song "Old Time Rock and Roll" by Bob Seger. He replaces the word "records" with "glasses" in the song, referencing a commercial from the 1980s for the Hardee's fast food franchise's collectible set of Alvin and the Chipmunks glasses. The song lyrics were changed in this commercial (and sung by The Chipmunks) to "Just take those old glasses off the shelf / Get down to Hardees and help yourself / Those other glasses ain't got the same class / I want an Alvin and the Chipmunks glass".
• "Rudkin Shampoo" is a reference to the actual brand Redken Shampoo.
• Homestar fighting himself is possibly inspired by the Monty Python sketch, Colin "Bomber" Harris vs Colin "Bomber" Harris.
  • It may also be a reference to "same character vs. same character" battles in many fighting-style video games, such as Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat (in the first Mortal Kombat game, this was always the last fight before the Endurance Matches, known as "Mirror Match").
• "Streisand", from the Powered by The Cheat segment, most likely refers to the famous actress/singer Barbra Streisand.
• The half-circles and circle on the corner of the Strong Badathlon logo resemble those of the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation logo.
• The entire email is a reference to the Olympics.
  • "Someteen days of glory!" is also a reference to a 1985 documentary covering the 1984 Summer Olympics, Sixteen Days Of Glory
  • Strong Bad's claim that he is going to boycott the games is most likely a reference to the U.S. led boycott of the 1980 Moscow Olympics, which included 64 other nations and was prompted by the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan. This action was subsequently repeated by the USSR and 14 of their Eastern Bloc partners at the 1984 Los Angeles Olympics claiming that the safety of their athletes could not be guaranteed.
  • Temporarios are a parody of Team Cheerios, a variation of Cheerios that was available very briefly around the time of the 1996 Summer Olympics (when Homestar Runner was created). They also resemble Froot Loops.
  • The Whatsitburied Slop is a reference to the Fosbury Flop, a technique used in high jumping.
  • The "Greco-Roman Homestar Crud-Out-of-Beating" event takes its name from Greco-Roman wrestling, one of the three styles of wrestling contested in the Olympic Games.

Fast Forward

• The DNA scene is revisited in every email up through rough copy and in the big toon DNA Evidence.
• Puppet Homestar #2 (the one on the right in the fight advertisement poster) is seen again in Main Page 25.
  • Also, Homestar would fight another copy of himself in an Easter egg in Hremail 2000.
• The scene with Homsar and Marzipan having tea would appear again in a @StrongBadActual tweet, albeit with The Cheat instead of Homsar.
• "Just take those old glasses off the shelf" was referenced again in a @StrongBadActual Tweet (24 May 2022) promoting the Homestar Runner Collector's Glass Set.

DVD Version

• The DVD version features hidden creators' commentary. To access it, switch the DVD player's audio language selection while watching.

Commentary Transcript

(Commentary by: Coach Z, Mike Chapman)

{Short pause.}

COACH Z: Hey! I'd— you'd need a sports expert on this one!

MIKE: Oh! For the Strong Badathlon we have, uh, sprats expert Coach Z!

COACH Z: I'm sorry, I— I said I'm a sparts expert.

MIKE: A sparts expert?

COACH Z: Well, yeah, you get da picture.

MIKE: Okay.

{Pause}

MIKE: So, uh, tell us about, um, some of your favorite events in the Strong Badathlon?

COACH Z: Well, dey don't show any a' my favorites in here...

MIKE: Okay.

COACH Z: Dere's "Rub on Coach Z's Back"...

MIKE: {laughs} Oookay, you—

COACH Z: Uh, "Rub on Coach Z's Foot"

MIKE: {overlapping} Okay, we're gonna... I might ask you to leave if there's any "Rubbing on Coach Z" events left in this— in your sports talk.

COACH Z: "Shine up Coach Z's...medallion"

MIKE: Okay.

COACH Z: The Z-Medallion. {in reference to Coach Z's first appearance} Oh, an' dere he is! {short pause} I... {the scene changes to Marzipan and Homsar's conversation} Hey, who was that?

MIKE: It was you!

COACH Z: Oh, wait, dat— I look pretty good, I got dat blond figure!

MIKE: Um, that's real nice—

COACH Z: {interrupting} I got a real nice, blond fi'gur!

MIKE: That's not you. That's Marizpan!

COACH Z: Oooh! Well, who's that?

MIKE: The sometimes-object of your... desire.

{The audience is now at the "Greco-Roman Homestar Crud-Out-of-Beating" event.}

COACH Z: Yeah, that's— we just kinda throw that in when it's convenient.

MIKE: Yeah.

COACH Z: Like right now, you know who I like?

MIKE: Who?

COACH Z: {smugly unless noted} That yellow flag {Mike laughs} above Homestar.

MIKE: That's a—

COACH Z: Hot blond— That's a hot blond!—

MIKE: Yeah—

COACH Z: — Right there!

MIKE: — Okay. Ya— Ya ever try to asking it out?

COACH Z:Yeah, just rewind! {Mike laughs} I'll tractice my moves! {Mike laughs again}

MIKE: Alright, Coach Z... what are your credentials... as a coach?

{Brief pause.}

COACH Z: Ah, well, you know, I've been there... I've been gettin' called "coach" for as long as I ca' remember... uh, before that, I was— it was insinuated, I was a coach.

MIKE: Okay.

COACH Z: {immediately after Mike finishes} If not actually given a title.

MIKE: {simultaneously} Do you have any experience coaching? Did you, you know—

COACH Z: Oh yeah. I'm coaching you through dis' right now! {without delay} You'd be lost if I wasn't dere {Mike begins to say "What" but cuts himself off} for dis' comment'ry.

MIKE: What should I do?

COACH Z: Ahhh—

MIKE: What should I do next?

{The audience is about to experience the "Clean and Jerk Strong Mad's Underwears Over His Head" event.}

COACH Z: Now, make a little move about dat, uh, graphic dere? Underpants!

MIKE: Okay, bla— uhhh, the old, uh, blue n' tan striped... underwear band? I had some of those.

COACH Z: Ah, your {unintelligible}—

MIKE: Like 1982?

COACH Z: Get yer head in da' game, Chapman!

MIKE: {overlapping after "game"} Oh! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Uhhh—

COACH Z: Buddy it up! {Mike laughs} Int'resting, int'resting! {short pause} Pick it out!

{The scene immediately changes to the "Probably Something with Guitars, lasters, Robots, and Hot Girls" event.}

COACH Z: Oh, here's my favorite part! Love it when Da' Chort gets in there. {enthusiastically} He's got da real hustle-champion you could think of! Bag of tricks out of the ol' Cheat's bag a...—

MIKE: Well, I did— this is my—

COACH Z: —... {struggling} tricks dere.

MIKE: {overlapping} — voice here! I did all these voices!

COACH Z: {somewhat angrily} We're talkin' about Da Chort here!

MIKE: Strei—

COACH Z: {simultaneously} Streisand!

MIKE: {briefly chuckles} Yeah.

MIKE: That was me!

COACH Z: {simultaneously} Dat was me!

MIKE: I did that!

COACH Z: {simultaneously} No, that was not you, that was The—

MIKE: I funnied it up!

COACH Z: {immediately} — Chort!

MIKE: {almost overlapping} I funnied it up!

COACH Z: Funny up this commentary! {brief pause} Give it da goods!

MIKE: {chuckles} Alright. Coach Z?

{The audience is now viewing the celebration of poor sportsmanship.}

COACH Z: Oooh! {singing} Da world is a raaainbow! With all-so-many coooolors! 'Member dat? R'member when Hardee's— Hardee's used to give out the "Alvin and The Chipmunks" glasses?

MIKE: I do.

COACH Z: {enthusiastically} I collected all four!

MIKE: I think I did, too.

COACH Z: {normally} Yep.

{Short pause.}

MIKE: Well, thanks for comin' in... for doing this commentary,—

{The audience is now watching Strong Bad's at for "Temporarios".}

COACH Z: {unintelligible} Look at dat!

MIKE: Oh—

COACH Z: Hey, headband! {enthusiastically unless noted} Come on, medal! And a headband!

MIKE: The Olympics—

COACH Z: {overlapping} In in dere, headband!

MIKE: The Ol—

COACH Z: Sweat dat bullet!

{Brief pause.}

MIKE: The Olympics just happened, so we're experiencing some "Temporarios".

COACH Z: {normally} Yap.

MIKE: I forgotten about...

COACH Z: Maybe hosted—

MIKE: Bolt, who was the... Jamaican sprinter? You sayin' "Bolt... Temporario".

This DVD commentary transcript needs to be checked for transcription errors. You can help the Homestar Runner Wiki by proofreading it.

Fun Facts

• Hardee's is an United States fast food restaurant chain. In the midwest it known as "Hardee's" while in the southwest and western United States it is known as "Carl's Jr.".
• Alvin and the Chipmunks is a well-known musical group known for the high-pitched vocals in their songs.
• Given the date this DVD was released, The Brothers Chaps are likely referring to the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing.
• Usain Bolt is a well-known Jamaican sprinter.

External Links

• watch "strong badathlon"
• watch "strong badathlon" on the old Flash site
• view the Flash file for "strong badathlon"
• forum thread re: "strong badathlon"