Mini-golf

"And yes, it's every bit as messed up as the cartoon on which it's based."

A trip to the Sweet Puttin' Cakes mini-golf course is fraught with insanity.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Drive-Thru Whale, The Cheat, Homestar Runner, The Worm, Casio Head Strong Bad, Eh! Steve! (audio only), The Wheelchair, Coach Z, Homsar (Easter egg)

Places: Computer Room, Sweet Puttin' Cakes, Basement of the Brothers Strong

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: Monday, August 13, 2007

Running Time: 4:27

Page Title: Lappy 486

DVD:strongbad email.exe Disc Six

Transcript

STRONG BAD: {singing} Email! I'm so in love with you! It's kind of inappropriate!

>subject: miniature golf course >Helllooooooo Strongbad,
>I was wondering if Strongbadia had a miniature golf
>course because I think it would be cool if Strongbadia
>had a miniature golf course.
>Hoping to play the Strongbadia miniature golf course soon,
>Somebody noone cares about in IA

{Strong Bad pronounces "Helllooooooo" as "Hell-la-la-la-la-looooo", pronounces "noone" as "no one", and adds "Also known as, Everyone in Iowa" at the end of the email. Also, he says "Strongbadia" and "miniature golf course" the exact same way every time}

STRONG BAD: {typing} What, are you getting paid everytime you say the words 'miniature golf course?' Because I'd, miniature golf course, like to get in on that ac-miniature golf course-tion.

{clears screen}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Of, miniature golf course, course, I don't sell out for cheap. I usually get {typing in orange} Kozmik Bowling {cha-ching sound from a cash register; continues typing normally} 50 bucks everytime I {typing in red} That Paintball Place Down the Street {cha-ching sound; typing normally} mention some kind of {typing in blue} Waterslide Dan's MoistWorld {cha-ching sound; typing normally} fun-time emporium.

{New Paper comes down.}

STRONG BAD: No, no, no! Not now! Did that sound like I was done? Get back up there!

{New Paper goes back up, making a "eang clonk vvvvvt" sound. Strong Bad clears the screen.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Anyways, what were we talking about? Oh yeah, mini-golf. Strong Badia doesn't have a place of its own, so when we need to get our tiny golf on, we usually head over to...

{Cut to a sign that reads "Sweet Puttin' Cakes, Puttiature Golf-Golf". The Sweet Cuppin' Cakes theme tune plays.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Sweet Puttin' Cakes.

{Zoom out to reveal a Sweet Cuppin' Cakes based area. Multiple miniature golf holes are scattered around the sign, including one featuring the Drive-Thru Whale and three holes. Eh! Steve! stands on top of a large golf ball waving a putter. Three regular golf balls are seen bouncing up and down on a piece of turf.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And yes, it's every bit as messed up as the cartoon on which it's based. In fact, we don't even know how to get there.

{Zoom in to the three golf balls bouncing up and down. Slow pan across the hole to a metal version of Sherlock lying on the hole with his mouth open.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} It's just like, one minute you're thinking about miniature golf...

{Cut to Strong Bad's basement. The Cheat and Strong Bad are lying on the couch. The remote lies near The Cheat's feet.}

STRONG BAD: You know what I love? The smell of that rubber handle on the putters, that you know like a thousand other...

{The audio track slowswaydown. Zoom in to Strong Bad's mouth.}

STRONG BAD: ...people have touched.

{The screen fades to black.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} ...and the next minute, you're there.

{Cut back to Sweet Puttin' Cakes. The Cheat and Strong Bad appear in the middle of the screen.}

STRONG BAD: Whoa!

THE CHEAT: {simultaneously} {impressed The Cheat noises}

{Strong Bad and The Cheat look around. Strong Bad starts scratching the back of his head.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Your descent into madness begins on the first hole.

{Cut to Homestar standing in a circular piece of turf holding a putter. A sign reads "Par 1010". A ball is at his feet. Off to the right is the metal version of Sherlock.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} The Wormhole.

{Homestar putts the ball. The ball rolls towards the hole when suddenly the hole moves to the right. Homestar looks surprised. Zoom in on the hole. The Worm pops up. As he speaks, the words he says come out of his mouth.}

THE WORM: Get your own!

{The Worm bites into the golf ball. Its other end comes out of the ball and bites the first. It then travels in a circle down the hole and back up out of the ball. Zoom out to Homestar contemplating what's happening.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Umm, I'm gonna say that's a birdie. {Homestar bends over and squints at the worms, then straightens up} Yep. Definitely a birdie. {Homestar bends over and squints two more times}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Things calm down a little bit for the...

{Cut to a sign reading "Eh!th Steve!".}

STRONG BAD: {imitating Eh! Steve!} ...Eh!th, Steve! {normal} hole.

{Zoom out to reveal a hole where Eh! Steve! is seen moving his mouth up and down, revealing a hole every time it opens, and making a quiet "ahh" sound every time it opens or closes. On the turf, the hill moves forward and backwards. Strong Bad walks in from the bottom of the screen. Cut to view of Strong Bad and The Cheat at the beginning of the hole. Strong Bad is on the starting mat, preparing to putt. Homestar is still visible in the background, examining the loop of worms. Zoom in on Strong Bad. An arm similar to Strong Bad's reaches in from the right side of the screen and taps Strong Bad on the shoulder.}

STRONG BAD: What?

{Cut to view of Casio Head Strong Bad, holding a putter. Casio Head Strong Bad starts playing demo music and jumping up and down. Cut back to view of the beginning of the hole with The Cheat, Strong Bad, and Casio Head Strong Bad in view.}

STRONG BAD: Okay, geez! I didn't know you were ahead of us! No need to play the whole demo, man!

{Cut to view of the Eh! Steve! hole. Strong Bad stands aside and Casio Head Strong Bad enters. Casio Head Strong Bad putts a hole in one.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And of course, if you sink the putt, you get rewarded with that heavenly sound!

EH! STEVE!: EH! STEVE!

{A tile opens up, revealing The Wheelchair.}

THE WHEELCHAIR: ROODY ROO ROO AND A FROODY FROOO!

{The tile closes and the screen dims slightly.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} The place isn't above some of the usual mini-golf transgressions though.

{Cut to a white statue of The Wheelchair with a sign reading "Statch!" next to it.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Like the infamous "statue hole".

{Zoom out to reveal The Cheat, holding a putter, and Strong Bad at the beginning of a hole.}

STRONG BAD: {flatly} Oh. Watch out, The Cheat. There is a statue of a wheelchair outside the field of play, several feet away.

{Zoom back in to the statue. Cricket sounds are heard.}

STRONG BAD: Not moving at all. Just, statuing.

{Cut back to Strong Bad and The Cheat}

STRONG BAD: On top of that, the hole is about one foot from the tee. {screen pans down to reveal so} Isn't the fun, almost, too much, to take?

{The screen dims slightly as The Cheat putts and misses.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And yes, even in this infernal place, you can't escape...

{Cut to a shot of Ready for Primetime with water flowing from its mouth into a lake. Slowly zoom out to reveal a hole with a bridge over the lake. Bumps in the course keep appearing and disappearing. A sign reads "Par2O".}

STRONG BAD: ..."the blue family recreation water"! That stuff's just begging for kids to either drink it or pee in it...

{A ball is putted across the course and stops near the bumps. A bump appears under it, knocking it into the water.}

STRONG BAD: ...or worse...

{Zoom back in to Ready for Primetime.}

STRONG BAD: {queasy} ...booooooooooooth.

{On the right side, black letters reading "BOTH" slowly crawl down the screen into the lake, creating a cloud of blackness in the water. Homestar pops up from underwater, slightly tinged blue}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Whoo! I didn't find my ball, but I did see some exotic marine life!

{Strong Bad walks in from the top right part of the screen}

STRONG BAD: Homestar, all that's down there is cigarette butts.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: And... a bra. {holds up a brassiere}

STRONG BAD: Sweet! {gives the thumbs up sign}

{Cut to Coach Z, on a circular hole with a rocky wall, and a sign with "Par ∞" on it. Coach Z is holding a putter with a red golf ball at his feet.}

STRONG BAD: The 18th hole puts a unique twist on the standard bottomless-hole-that-sucks-your-golf-ball-away-forever, hole.

{Zoom out to reveal the course is in the middle of space. Atmospheric music plays. Coach Z putts. The ball goes into the hole, drops down offscreen and then falls from the top of the screen onto Coach Z's head. The ball bounces off his head and lands at his feet. Zoom in on Coach Z's head.}

COACH Z: Oh, I guess I forgort to port.

{Coach Z putts again. The ball again falls into the hole and down onto Coach Z's head. The ball bounces off his head and lands at his feet}

COACH Z: Oh! I guess I forgat to prat!

{Once again, Coach Z putts, and the cycle repeats}

COACH Z: OH! Gorka fa pork!

{Coach Z putts once again, repeating the cycle yet again.}

STRONG BAD: This will go on forever if you let it. In fact, {cut back to the Sweet Puttin' Cakes, slowly panning diagonally downwards} the only way we've found to leave Sweet Puttin' Cakes, {Strong Bad and The Cheat enter from opposite sides of the screen} is to simply will yourself back into reality.

{Strong Bad and The Cheat both scrunch their faces and grunt. Cut back to the couch. Both The Cheat and Strong Bad appear on the couch exactly how they were before}

STRONG BAD: {speaking backwards}

THE CHEAT: {surprised The Cheat noises}

STRONG BAD: {shakes head} Whoa, that was weird. {zoom in on Strong Bad, smacking his lips} My mouth tastes like backwards.

{Cut to The Cheat.}

THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}

STRONG BAD: Your mouth tastes like what?

{The Cheat opens his mouth, showing his teeth dyed with the blue water from Sweet Puttin' Cakes. Zoom out to show the full couch}

STRONG BAD: The Cheat! You didn't!

THE CHEAT: {shrugs} {apologetic The Cheat noises}

{New Paper comes down.}

STRONG BAD: There you go! See? That was a punchline! And, another thing. Are you ever not running out of ink?

Easter Eggs

The "That Paintball Place Down the Street" Scorecard.

• Click on "Kozmik Bowling", "That Paintball Place Down the Street", and "Waterslide Dan's Moistworld" to see scorecards from each of these establishments.
• At the end, click the remote to see a scene at the Drive-Thru Whale hole.

{Strong Bad is arguing with the Drive-Thru Whale on a green with no apparent hole. A sign reads "Par, please".} STRONG BAD: {irritated} No, the hole. Where is the hole? DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Pour gravel on your stump, please, ma'am. STRONG BAD: Did you just tell my mom to "pour gravel on her stump"? DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Cave your brown. STRONG BAD: "Cave my brown"? Homsar, is that you? {Homsar floats by in the background. His hat leaves his head, flies off the top of the screen, but does not return. Strong Bad turns to look at him.} HOMSAR: AaAaA! Don't count on it, munster may-an!

Fun Facts

Explanations

• In golf, par refers to the number of strokes expected to complete a hole.
  • A birdie is one stroke under par. 1010 is equal to 10,000,000,000, or 10 billion, which means that getting a birdie on the Wormhole would require exactly 9,999,999,999 strokes.
• ∞ is the sign for infinity.
• A wormhole is an occurrence in theoretical physics in which two different points are connected to one another through a tunnel in space-time, in a way that entering one end instantly transports matter and energy to the other end.
• The worm biting itself alludes to Ouroboros (A single snake that devours itself, symbolizing the concept of cyclicality or philosophical perennialism).
• Par2O refers to H2O, the molecular formula for water.
• Kosmik (or Cosmic) Bowling is a promotion where fluorescent pins, black lights, and loud music are used on the lanes.
• Many Mini-Golf courses have water that is dyed blue. The dye keeps aquatic flora from growing on the water's surface.
• On many mini-golf courses, after the ball is sunk in the 18th (final) hole, it goes into a chest that only golf course employees can open.
• "Sweet Puttin' Cakes, Puttiature Golf-Golf" is written on the sign; Putt-Putt is the name of a chain of miniature golf centers.

Trivia

• Strong Bad's backwards speech as he and The Cheat return are the words "thousand other people have touched", from the beginning, though not as slowly.
• The synthesized "vocal" instrument used in the Sweet Puttin' Cakes music is probably done in homage to the 1988 game Zany Golf, which has a similar synthesized vocal instrument in its music. The concept of the Sweet Puttin' Cakes course may have also been inspired in part by Zany Golf, which is fairly surreal and has many unusual and bizarre holes.
• Casio Head Strong Bad still uses Strong Bad's character model at the time of his debut email, crazy cartoon. The biggest difference is the presence of highlights on his body, which were removed from Strong Bad's then-current model.
• The summary for the Podstar Runner RSS feed reads, "Strong Bad aims for par at the Sweet Puttin' Cakes mini-golf course."

Remarks

• All characters putt right-handed. Also, when Coach Z putts, his right hand is above his left hand (cross-handed), which is reversed from the proper form for right-handed putting (right hand below left hand).
• When New Paper appears the first time, the "Click Here to Email Strong Bad" link is fully functional.
  • The New Paper drops much more quickly than it did in the paper.
• In the beginning, the Drive-Thru Whale putting surface is seen with several holes, but in the Easter egg, all the holes are gone, and the green is differently shaped.
• There is no Back button at the end of the email.
• The sound of Casio Head Strong Bad tapping Strong Bad on the shoulder is made with the same Casio VL-Tone keyboard that the "demo music" comes from.
• This is the second email in a row in which Homsar's hat does not return.

Goofs

• In the beginning of the email, Strong Bad types "every time" as one word.
• When the camera zooms in on Strong Bad's mouth, the VCR and TV move along with it for one frame.

Inside References

• One of the players in the bowling scorecard Easter egg is named Dan.
  • Strong Bad also mentions "Waterslide Dan's Moistworld" for yet another reference to the name "Dan".
• Rumble Red appears on the Kommunist Kozmik Bowling scorecard.
• Strong Bad saying his mouth tastes like backwards echoes the email morning routine, where he said his mouth tasted like emails.
• Homestar finds a bra in the lake.
• Strong Bad claims that the only thing in the pond are cigarette butts.
• "Puttiature" is a portmanteau.
• While Strong Bad is talking about the statue on the statue hole, crickets start chirping.

DVD Version

• The DVD version features hidden creators' commentary. To access it, switch your DVD player's audio language selection while watching.

Commentary Transcript

(Commentary by: Matt Chapman, Mike Chapman, Sherlock)

SHERLOCK: {mumbling}

MIKE: Oh, we’ve got, uh, the...

SHERLOCK: {mumbling}

MIKE: ...Cowcopter. Or his real name— Sherlock.

SHERLOCK: {mumbling}

MIKE: How's it going, Sherlock?

SHERLOCK: {mumbling}

MIKE: Uh... cool, cool. What hole number are you? Um, is—

SHERLOCK: {mumbling}

MIKE: ...Okay...

SHERLOCK: {mumbling}

MIKE: ...interesting. He just said that, uh, he had chicken tacos for breakfast this morning. That’s a unconventional breakfast where I come from; I dunno about Sweet Cuppin' Cakes Land.

{Mike laughs as Matt breaks character}

MATT: Hey Mike, why don't you do that— you do that mouse. That mouse-worm.

MIKE: The worm — {as The Worm} is a miracle. What else does he say?

MATT: Yeah, well — I don't know, we’ll find out probably. It's another one I haven’t watched in forever.

MIKE: Oh, here’s another instance— another— this is another instance of Strong Bad's, uh, the Lappy being able to change text. Color and style.

MATT: There's some good Easter eggs from those other score cards from each of those places? I think those are good Easter eggs. You should— you should hit the alternate angle button next time you watch this email.

MIKE: I forgot about the, uh... The Paper, coming down; {unintelligible} The Paper problem.

MATT: Yeah, we did that — I dunno maybe five or six emails, where The New Paper kept screwing up.

MIKE: Yeah we’d always screw up The Paper. {overlapping}

MATT: {referring to the bouncing golf balls} Look at those, those— that reminds me of some, I dunno, weird, um...

MIKE: Popeye episode?

MATT: Yeah. No — though, well, there’s that, and there’s ...uh... what’re they called? Dodo Land or whatever. Wackyland?

MIKE: Oh, yeah.

MATT: Where Gogo the Dodo lives... from Looney Tunes.

{Silence until the worm’s hole moves}

MATT: Oh, that is not fair.

MIKE: {as The Worm} Get your own!

MATT: Good job.

MIKE: Thanks, I can — I’ve still got it, you know, people keep telling me—

MATT: What do you call that? Isn’t there something — the snake eating itself? Doesn’t that have some name or symbol, or — it’s got a name but, the symbol of the snake eating itself. Something else I’ve learned from the Homestar Runner Wiki.

MIKE: We started to make a, uh, game with Jonathan, right?

MATT: Yeah.

MIKE: A little Flash game.

MATT: Maybe we should just animate it and put it in, uh, put it in here as an Easter egg.

MIKE: Yeah, you guys— look around. Either at the end of this email, or maybe off the, uh, main menu from this one— look around.

MATT: Yeah. Uh, there’s a drawing of—

{both laugh at The Wheelchair.}

MATT: There’s a, uh, sketch of that Eh! Steve! hole. When we were, you know, talking about the concept of this email.

MIKE: Uh-huh.

MATT: And uh... it says, uh... what’s it say, "goop"? I think or something, the word "goop" is coming out of Eh! Steve!'s head? Like, it was like, when you got a hole in one, the word "goop", like, lighted letters came out of his head. "Goop" or... something like that.

{Mike laughs.}

MIKE: I can’t imagine why we nixed that idea.

{Matt laughs.}

MATT: So, what about the statue on the mini, mini-golf hole, Mike?

MIKE: Yeah, there was that one, just like—

MATT: Oh, there’s a Gorilla next to this hole.

MIKE: The jungle-themed ones, yeah. They would always just have the statue of the giraffe, like, up on a hill next to the hole.

MATT: Yeah. {referring to the black word BOTH that slithers into the blue water} That was kinda gross there—

MIKE: What was this, Mountasia?

MATT: Yeah, Mountasia.

MIKE: Brad Toolman, Dane Cubis, and Matt Harris all worked at Mountasia.

MATT: I didn’t know that!

MIKE: Yeah, they— they've never been able to determine if they worked there at the same time and knew each other back then or not.

{Matt laughing.}

{Silence until Homestar emerges from the blue water with a bra.}

MIKE: Did you ever have to get into the blue water, to retrieve, uh, a ball or...

MATT: I probably reached into it. Yeah.

{Silence until Coach Z putting}

MATT: That looks like, uh... it’s in Dr. Strange Land. The only thing I know about the comic book character Dr. Strange is that he goes to weird dimensions where there’s floating, like, stalactite-y platforms.

{Mike laughs.}

MIKE: It reminds me of... Zurootha? What was that... movie, with like—

MATT: Oh, it was the sequel to Jumanji?

MIKE: Oh, that’s right; nobody knew that?

MATT: {laughing} But, nobody knew that.

MIKE: Didn’t Favreau direct that?

MATT: Yeah, I think he did.

{Silence until The Cheat and Strong Bad begin to will themselves back home.}

MATT: {quietly} The Cheat is really clenching there.

{Mike laughs}

MIKE: Yeah, like those Cheat arms— I gotta remember those Cheat arms.

MATT: I know!

MIKE: That’s the kinda thing—

MATT: That’s what we should be doing with these commentaries, is marking down... symbols that we want to use for later on.

MIKE: Matt and I always ask each other several times making an email, "Hey, what’s the one where— I know we did some new Cheat arms for this thing!"

{Matt laughs.}

MIKE: —and we spend, like, twenty minutes on the wiki trying to find it, and—

MATT: Look at those shrug arms, too!

MIKE: I know—

MATT: Shruggish. A shruggish, ruggish bone.

{short pause}

MATT: And I had a... printer like that in college...

This DVD commentary transcript needs to be checked for transcription errors. You can help the Homestar Runner Wiki by proofreading it.

Fun Facts

• The first of The Worm's lines that Mike quotes was a previous Quote of the Week on July 19, 2004, and is from the Decemberween in July short, Decemberween Sweet Cuppin' Cakes.
• Doctor Strange is a comic book superhero appearing in Marvel Comics.
• The movie Matt was trying to think of is called Zathura, directed by Jon Favreau. The book on which it was based was, indeed, a sequel to Jumanji, but the film did not refer to the events of Jumanji in any way.
• Gogo the Dodo is a Tiny Toons character who lives in Wackyland, a bizarre landscape which is seen in Looney Tunes cartoons like Porky in Wackyland (which stars Gogo's father).
• "A shruggish, ruggish bone" is a reference to "Thuggish Ruggish Bone", the debut single by Bone Thugs-n-Harmony.

External Links

• watch "mini-golf"
• watch "mini-golf" on the old Flash site
• view the Flash file for "mini-golf"
• forum thread re: "mini-golf"