Homestar Ruiner Responses (K.o.T. Castle)
"Thank goodness for this conveniently-placed privacy screen!"
Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People has many responses when you talk to various characters and interact with various objects. These are the responses from K.O.T. Castle in Homestar Ruiner.
On these pages, A → B (right arrow) means that the response happens when object A is used on thing B, or in the case of talking to other characters, the indicated sequence of chat topic icons are chosen.
A short horizontal line between two or more responses, such as the one above, means only one of the responses is heard at a time, and that the action results in a different response each time it occurs.
Outside
Upon entry
First time only STRONG BAD: There it is, the King of Town's fairly penetrable castle fortress. Somewhere deep inside its stinking, obstructed bowels, is the criminal record that's keeping Homestar's whiny, whitey butt glued to my couch!
Castle
STRONG BAD: The King of Town's castle is a monument to food... kinda like the King of Town himself.
Dirt Pile
STRONG BAD: Someone should replace that divot...someone other than me.
Hedge
Hedge
Before Trimming STRONG BAD: I would've thought the King would trim these hedges himself when he's in one of his grazing phases.
After Trimming STRONG BAD: That looks really good... a big ol' leafy arm... coming out of the back of his neck there.
STRONG BAD: {singing} And the Trogdor comes in the NIIIII— {hacking coughs} ...Ugh, I gotta take better care of my pipes.
STRONG BAD: {singing} Sweet!
STRONG BAD: Niiice...
Hedge Shears → Hedge
STRONG BAD: Take that you bush-league hedge! ...err, hedge-league bush... {trims the hedge into the shape of Trogdor} Oh yeah, that's much better. And check it out, free hedge trimmings!
King of Town
Only appears in Extended Play
STRONG BAD: Hey— KING OF TOWN: {Angrily} Don't talk to me, Strong Bad! Thanks to you, I'm trapped in a loveless marriage with a mole queen, my head is throbbing, and worst of all, I've been lured away from a cart full of cold cuts and mini-breads! So unless you want me to start slapping unnecessary taxes and tariffs on you, you'll leave me alone! STRONG BAD: Taxes? That sounds... ominous.
STRONG BAD: Um... KING OF TOWN: {Furiously} Silence!
Treasure Marker
Treasure Marker
STRONG BAD: It's a good thing the Taranchula Black Metal Detector comes with these ball markers, or I might lose track of my cool finds! Thanks, Taranchula Black Metal Detector!
Shovel → Treasure Marker
STRONG BAD: Now we'll find out what kinda phat loot the King of Town keeps buried just to the left of his castle! {digs} Whoa! {uncovers the next Snake Boxer V manual page}
Inside
Upon entry
First time only STRONG BAD: {interior hallway of the castle, Strong Bad is not seen on screen} Let's see now... Hall of Cheese Rinds... Sausage Casings Room... Grand Chamber of Milk Sauce? Ah, here it is, the Hall of Records! {enters the chamber} Aw, crap, it's the King of Town's personal bodyguard-slash-mime-slash-poosmith, the Poopsmith! I'll have to be even sneakier than usual if I want to get past him. Lucky for me, the Poopsmith never seems to notice anything while he's in the midst of a good ol' fashioned poop shoveling.
Bonsai
STRONG BAD: It's Arbor Day, Strongly Brown!
Criminal Record
Entering through the door STRONG BAD: Hey, it's Homestar's criminal record! I'll just scoop it up and— STRONG MAD: INTRUDER ALERT! STRONG BAD: This is gonna hurt. STRONG MAD: ARRR! STRONG BAD: {cut to exterior, Strong Bad comes flying out the window} Ahhh! {Strong Bad falls off screen} Ow! It looks like once again, I'll have to use my mighty Strong Bad brain. I should probably just start doin' that in the first place from now on.
Entering through the ceiling, when Strong Mad is there STRONG BAD: Judging from this melodramatic close-up, I'd wager that that's Homestar Runner's criminal record! I'll just drop down and get it! STRONG MAD: INTRUDER ALERT! STRONG BAD: Here comes the suck. STRONG BAD: {cut to exterior, Strong Bad comes flying out the window} Ahhh! {Strong Bad falls off screen} Oof! I think I've learned an important lesson here.
STRONG BAD: Okay, let's see if it'll work this time. STRONG MAD: INTRUDER ALERT! STRONG BAD: Guess not. STRONG BAD: {cut to exterior, Strong Bad comes flying out the window} Ahhh! {Strong Bad falls off screen} Oof! I'll never get that record while Strong Mad's guarding it!
Entering through the ceiling, when Strong Mad is gone STRONG BAD: Aha! Now for some for-real uninterrupted cat-burglar action! {jumps down} {talking to his hands} I swear gloves, this is the last time you'll have to touch evidence of nekkid Homestar. {Strong Mad comes running} Hi there, sailor. {cut to exterior, Strong Bad comes flying out the window} Geronimoooo! {Strong Bad falls off screen} Ta-daaa! Well I didn't end up with the bags of cash, or the bags of cash shaped diamonds that I usually score when I cat-burgle, but at least I finally got my gloves on Homestar's stupid criminal record! Now maybe I can get him off my couch and away from my television!
Drain
STRONG BAD: It's one of the slimy, oozing, clogged up drain pipes that snake nastily through the castle. Kinda like the King's intestines.
STRONG BAD: I don't even what to think about what kind of stuff is clogging up that drain pipe.
King of Town
Heard through the vent THE KING OF TOWN: Fetch me my royal balogna!
THE KING OF TOWN: I think I'm going to start calling Thursday Nougatday, which will be filled with rich creamy nougat...
THE KING OF TOWN: Where's my royal custard? I can't take my bath without my royal custard!
THE KING OF TOWN: Why should I let them eat cake? It's my cake!
THE KING OF TOWN: Nom-nom-no—Ow! I'b bit by tongue! Mmm, takes pretty good!
THE KING OF TOWN: {eating noises} {belch} Oh dear, I've eaten my foot. Again.
THE KING OF TOWN: Someone get me a bowl of grub! And a bowl of grubs for my new bride! MOLE QUEEN: Lo-fat dressing on the side, please!
Plunger
Picking it up STRONG BAD: By the power of — er— Brownskull! {takes plunger}
When in drain STRONG BAD: Allez oop! Whoa, powerful suction action!
STRONG BAD: Boing!
Plunger → Drain
STRONG BAD: Eat plunger, drainy! {He throws the plunger javelin-style at the drain. It sticks.}
Poopsmith
STRONG BAD: The Poopsmith creeps me out, man.
STRONG BAD: Why won't he SAY anything?
Privacy Screen
STRONG BAD: Thank goodness for this conveniently-placed privacy screen!
Shovel
STRONG BAD: One of the Poopsmith's shovels, score! {takes it}
Statue
First time only STRONG BAD: Stealth Strong Bad comes with everything you see here! Now you see him, now you don't! Only from Cheap as Free Toys! {a cartoon bubble with the wordsCheap as Freeappears briefly on the screen}
STRONG BAD: Activate cloaking shield! Whawhawhawha.
Vent
From ground STRONG BAD: That vent undoubtedly leads to all sorts of hidden Strong Bad sized crawlspaces... too bad I can't reach it.
STRONG BAD: {stretches and grunts} Nope. Still can't reach it.
From on plunger STRONG BAD: Looks like I'm gonna have to jump! If Strong Bad had been spotted beforehand STRONG MAD: {comes running} INTRUDER ALERT? THE POOPSMITH: {hold up a sign reading?} STRONG MAD: INTRUDER ALERT? THE POOPSMITH: {hold up a sign reading???} STRONG BAD: {from above} It's a good thing Strong Mad doesn't have a neck, or he might be able to look up.
Jumping back down onto the plunger STRONG BAD: Ah, oof! If busted STRONG BAD: Aw, whatsit.
Whatsit
STRONG BAD: {revolted shuddering noises}
STRONG BAD: Gah! It's... still warm.
STRONG BAD: This is some top shelf poop. I can see why the Poopsmith is so interested in it.
Shovel → Whatsit
STRONG BAD: No way! I'm not the Poopsmith's unpaid summer intern... Strong Sad is.
When caught
THE POOPSMITH: {holds up a sign reading!!} STRONG BAD: Oh crunch. STRONG MAD: GUARD! GUARD! GUARD! GUARD! {comes running} INTRUDER ALERT! STRONG BAD: Hey, brother Strong Mad! Are you here to help me steal Homestar's record? {cut to exterior, Strong Bad comes flying out the window} Ahhh! {Strong Bad falls off screen} Oof! I'll take that as a no.
THE POOPSMITH: {holds up a sign readingYOU AGAIN?} STRONG BAD: Oh crunchberries. STRONG MAD: FOOTSTEP! FOOTSTEP! FOOTSTEP! FOOTSTEP! {comes running} INTRUDER ALERT! STRONG BAD: Now, take it easy big fella! {cut to exterior, Strong Bad comes flying out the window} Ahhh! {Strong Bad falls off screen} Oof! I should probably quit doing that. What with the drain bamage and all. If Strong Bad was hiding when Strong Mad catches him STRONG BAD: Hmm... I guess I'll have to be more, um, stealthy.
STRONG BAD: Hurm, I should really try to find someplace to hide when the Poopsmith stops, um, smithing poop.
STRONG BAD: I don't think my incredible hiding powers will work on Strong Mad.
STRONG BAD: I may have to find some sort of alternate route to the record room.
When the Poopsmith stops shoveling
STRONG BAD: What happened to the poop sounds?
STRONG BAD: Poopy's on the move!
STRONG BAD: What's that?!
