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Children
From HR Wiki Twice
"We need to feed our children so we made this terrible song."
Despite Strong Bad insisting that he is strictly not for children, homestarrunner.com contains many references to children in general. Strong Bad repeatedly claims to have children, as well as other characters, despite none appearing to have families. Many parodies of books, television shows and merchandise intended for children have also been made. The Sad Kids are actual characters in the Homestar Runner universe.
Appearances
- Original Book — Mike Chapman and Craig Zobel write a parody of books written for children.
- Where's The Cheat? — During an advertisement for the Homestar Jr., an announcer says that for a limited time, certain children get prizes.
- Email sisters — Strong Bad sarcastically remarks he'll save a poorly written email to show his kids.
- Teen Girl Squad Issue 2 — The No I in Team boy gets run over by the "CHILDREN" van.
- Super Brave!! — School children send pictures of Homestar Runner.
- Email personal favorites — Strong Bad remarks on how "his emails are like his childrens".
- Email kids' book — Strong Bad "writes" a book for kids.
- Strong Badia National Anthem — Strong Bad is joined by a class of first graders.
- Thy Dungeonman II — The wrapper of the Super Mutton Pop warns that severe head explosion may occur if eaten by a Dongrel or child under 2.
- Email for kids — Homsar hosts a children's TV show.
- Email montage — The Wagon Fulla Pancakes is said to now live with its spouse and two children in the end-credits photo montage.
- Senorial Day — Senor Cardgage invites children to gamble around the campfire.
- Email bottom 10 — Limozeen releases an album entitled "Feed the Childrens".
- Grumblecakes — Strong Bad, speaking about Grumblecakes, says, "I feeds my kids with 'em".
- Fall Float Parade — Coach Z says that the Marshie balloon has got to frighten some children.
- Email secret identity — Strong Bad says that he has children in his secret family in Broiter Grove.
- Email myths & legends — Bubs says that his Bear Holding a Shark shot glasses are always popular with the kids.
- Email alternate universe — Senor Cardgage sings about "[letting] the little childrens go".
- Thy Dungeonman 3 — One of the questions the Hag asks is how many "wee hags" she had with her husband Cramforth.
- Email redesign — Strong Bad's redesign of the "No Loafing!" sign includes a molten-Plexiglas look to give it "that 'children under 3 are sure to choke on it' goodness".
- Email coloring — Strong Bad reluctantly refers to the students of Marzipan's L.U.R.N. as children. Marzipan stresses that they're not called children, but rather "Life-Blossoms".
- Trogday 08 — Children join Strong Bad's song.
- Sickly Sam's Big Outing — The first line and the page title both mention "short children".
- Email licensed — Strong Bad mentions looking foward to dropping his kids off at Papa Cardgage's Puddin' Patch while on his way to the dog tracks.
- Email buried — Strong Bad describes the metal detector as "America's coolest children's game show consolation prize".
- Blubb-O's Commercial — Coach Z introduces himself to the kids as the Drive-Thru Whale, and, parodying the garbled catch phrase, says he'll "chop off their legs".
- Email rated — Bubs and Coach Z work with Strong Bad to get into a RRR-rated movie by pretending to be his kids.
- Costume Commercial — The announcer attempts to sell "Homestar Runner Halloween Costumes & Products" to kids.
- Baddest of the Bands — Bubs mentions that he accepts first-born children as payment.
- Coach Z's 110% — Coach Z advertises that his videos will get the "results your youngster needs".
- On Break — Strong Bad mentions children bothering him while he is in the Tragic Clown Dog costume. Coach Z mentions that he scoops up children and throws them into the ball bath, but finds that one is trapped in the head of his costume.
- Punkin Show — Homestar warns that one of the pumpkins may be "unsuitable for childrens".
- Poker Night at the Inventory — Strong Bad mentions he could join the RED team with the Heavy to watch the team get grenaded by eight-year-olds.
- Email sbemail 206 (Easter egg) — An animatronic Old-Timey Strong Bad advertises "Olde Time Jones Drug Filled Tonic", claiming that "it's for children, you!"
- The House That Gave Sucky Tricks — "Bloody-eyed found footage children" are one of the overused horror clichés mentioned by Strong Bad.
- Characters from Yonder Website — One of the side effects of Smarty Juice is unbelievably soothing children's programming.
- @StrongBadActual tweet (22 Dec 2018) — Strong Bad says that a fan-made 3D version of Strong Badia reminds him of his failed local access children's program, The Strong Badia Bunch.
- The Homestar Runner Enters The Spooky Woods — The storybook's cover describes it as "a thoroughly hollowed ween story for kids and children aboth".
- Thy Dungeonman Instruction Manual — If Collagen were to become unnaturally good at everything after discovering his mother was a dungeonwoman, it would only work for his first few stories, with the young children who read them inserting themselves into the blank canvas of his character.
