Bike thief

"Hey, my bromide."

Strong Bad reveals his bike thieving secrets.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Pom Pom, Bubs, The Cheat, Strong Mad, Homestar Runner, Marzipan, Strong Sad

Places: Computer Room, The Field, Bubs' Concession Stand, Crazy Go Nuts University/The Stick, Basement of the Brothers Strong

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: Monday, September 10, 2007

Running Time: 3:56

Page Title: Lappy 486

DVD:strongbad email.exe Disc Six

Transcript

STRONG BAD: {rapping} Letters. And words. Emails get absurd, I just gotta jump back?

>subject: bike thieves >Hey Strong Bad,
>I'm at college and I need to keep my bike from being
>stolen. I figure if I think like a thief, I can figure out
>how to protect it. So, how would you try to steal my bike?
>Virginia
>MI

{Strong Bad reads MI as two letters}

STRONG BAD: {typing} {disappointed tone} Oh, not smart enough for MIT, huh? Just MI? {clears screen} {regular voice} Well first off, how do you know your crappy bike is even worth stealing? How many pegs you got? Mag wheels? White tires? Worthless baseball card in the spokes? If not, then you got nothing to worry about. What self-respecting bicycle thief would steal a (shudder) ten-speed? Or a (shudder, shudder) mounTAIN bike? The only thing those bikes gets you is tired. Any bike with a water bottle holder is a complete waste of bike. {clears screen} But, let's pretend you do have a cool bike. I would first go to my old thieving standby: dress up like a bush. {pronounces it "boosh"}

{Cut to the field. Strong Bad is hiding behind a short berry bush with cartoon eyes, his feet clearly visible. He shuffles over to a pink bicycle, carrying the bush with him. He picks up the bike through the bush, and starts carrying it away.}

STRONG BAD: Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. {Pull out to see Pom Pom talking on a phone. He looks away from his phone to glare at Strong Bad.}

POM POM: {bubbles}

STRONG BAD: {walking offscreen} Oh, I mean... Bush. Bush. Leaves. Branch. Um... Berries.

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And don't forget: dressing up as a bush is also a great way to get free pizza!

{Cut to Bubs' Concession Stand. Strong Bad walks up to the counter behind his bush costume.}

STRONG BAD: Can I have some free pizza?

BUBS: Sure thing, bush!

{Bubs pulls a pizza box from behind the counter and drops it on top of the bush. Strong Bad walks off-screen.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Variations on this approach—

{Cut to the field, with just Strong Bad standing in the middle of screen.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} —include dressing up as a cactus,—

{The bush is replaced by a cactus, with Strong Bad badly concealed behind it, and cartoony eyes.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} —a trashcan,—

{The cactus is replaced by a trashcan, again with cartoony eyes.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} —or a barrel.

{The trashcan is replaced by a wooden barrel, yet again with cartoony eyes.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Though, depending on your physique—

{The Cheat appears next to Strong Bad's barrel.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} —you could also dress up like... a hideous pile—

{The Cheat turns into a pile of unidentified pink goo, with tufts of hair, a crushed can, a plank of wood, a circular saw blade, and two misaligned cartoony eyes. Strong Bad inches away from the mess. Strong Mad appears on the other side of the barrel.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} —or a... textile factory?

{Strong Mad turns into a factory building, signed "BRRLAP", with cartoony eyes near the roof. Cut back to the computer room.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} So if I were you, I'd steer clear of pretty much anything with cartoon eyeholes. If that method didn't work for me, I'd go for the awkward swindle. This is especially effective on college campuses.

{Cut to The Stick. A silhouette of a CGNU building is visible in the background. Homestar, wearing a backpack and backwards cap, is chaining up his white bike to The Stick, the chain is simply looped over the top branch. Strong Bad, sporting a ponytail, walks in, carrying a clipboard.}

STRONG BAD: Hey, brother. Hey, my bromide. You look like a cool guy who likes to progress. I was wondering if you'd be interested in signing this petition to ban roll-on...

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, um, yeah, sorry, uh, I've got a class...

STRONG BAD: ...free vegan food...

HOMESTAR RUNNER: ...and my roommate's like... you know...

STRONG BAD: ...fellowship...

HOMESTAR RUNNER: ...so, my parents, um...

STRONG BAD: ...drum circle?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Computer lab! {darts off-screen}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Man, so effective! I've stolen people's lunches this way... their girlfriends... puppies even!

{Strong Bad throws away his clipboard and walks over to Homestar's bike, and starts kicking the tires. Marzipan walks in, with multicolored dreadlocks, and her own clipboard.}

MARZIPAN: Hey, my bromide, wanna sign this...

STRONG BAD: Meal plan! {darts offscreen}

MARZIPAN: Cool, man, free bike.

{Cut back to the computer room.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} But my all-time favorite thiefnique has got to be, the best use of black turtlenecks and suction cups ever devised: cat-burgling!

{Cut to a featureless orange wall. Strong Bad climbs up the wall with suction cups, wearing a black turtleneck and beanie.}

STRONG BAD: Almost... to the top!

{Cut to Strong Bad's basement... Strong Bad climbs up from behind the orange couch. The bicycle seat Red, White, and Banana is on the couch, and two laser guns duct taped to the couch on either side of it. Strong Bad pulls out a spray can of "C'mon! It's Fog!" and sprays it into the air, revealing the two laser beams.}

STRONG BAD: Aw, Ponch. Laser tech security! I'll have to employ some Chinese acrobatics!

{Strong Bad tries to jump up, but is stuck to the couch.}

STRONG BAD: Ugh, these suction cups are stuck to the side of this couchscraper. Ah, somebody? The Cheat? Come put that bicycle seat in my mouth! Gently!

{The lights turn on.}

STRONG BAD: Aw, Jon! Light tech security!

STRONG SAD: {walking in} Well, if you had agreed to play Cats the musical, instead of cat-burglar, maybe you wouldn't be stuck to the back of the couch again.

STRONG BAD: I would rather die.

{Cut back to the computer room.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} That's how I'd do it, College Bike Owner. So keep away from shrubbery, don't talk to anyone with a clipboard, and avoid putting your bike on the roof of glass skyscrapers.

{During the next part, Strong Bad types "Your bike should be totally safe if you listen to me. I am a good person that gives sound advice. Bike on, my friend, bike on!" while he says his other lines.}

STRONG BAD: Secret message to bike thieves!

{The words "SECRET MESSAGE!" flash on the screen.}

STRONG BAD: Bolt cutters, guys! Just use bolt cutters!

{The words "BOLT CUTTERS!" flash on the screen.}

STRONG BAD: We'll split the pawn-shop money fitty-fitty!

{The words "FITTY FITTY!" flash on the screen.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} See you next time!

{New Paper comes down, printing a picture of The Paper.}

STRONG BAD: Nice try, New Papes. Though that does make me feel a little better... he was so stripedy...

Easter Eggs

• After Strong Bad says MI, click on it to see a pennant for Mediocre Institute.
• Click on "baseball card" to see a trading card.
• At the end, click on "safe" for this:

{The Lappy slowly moves to the right} STRONG BAD: Whoa, what the? HOMESTAR RUNNER: {dressed up as a trash can, speaking in a monotone voice} Garbage. Garbage. Rubbish. Umm... murder weapon. STRONG BAD: Are you supposed to be a trash can or a robot? HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ummm... {pulls out petition reading "The Bromide Solution"} you wanna sign this petition, my bromide?

Fun Facts

Explanations

• "Mag wheels", (not to be confused with Magnesium alloy wheels) are wheels on a bike that are made with larger and thicker spokes than on a typical bike. Typical mags had 5 to 6 large "spokes". The bike pictured in this episode is a bike with wheel covers. These plastic covers actually fit on the outside of a traditional spoked wheel, much like a hubcap on a car.
• "Pegs" are metal tubes affixed to a bicycle's front or rear axle, allowing the rider to balance their weight on an area other than the pedals and freeing the body of the bike for a wider range of tricks.
• A bromide is an ion of a bromine atom with a charge of -1. Such bromides as potassium bromide were once used as sedatives, leading to the once prevalent use of the word "bromide" to indicate someone or something is platitudinous and boring.
  • Bromide is water soluble, so a bromide solution would be bromide in water.
• Attaching a baseball card to the spokes would simulate the sound of a motorcycle as the wheel rotates.
• "Earf" is a dialectic spelling of "Earth".

Trivia

• Strong Bad's petition reads:

>-PETITION-
>i do hearby sign that
>i am in full support
>of fully supporting
>all the good causes
>and casual effects of
>said causes and, as it
>were, caucuses. now,
>previously, and also
>futurely held...
>X________________

• Marzipan's petition reads:

>Counter-Petition
>I, the willing signer of this
>document, betta recognize
>that Earf in trouble. Earf
>injured. Injured bad.
>
>X______________

• Homestar's bike is a Huffy SIGMA circa 1987.
• The summary for the Podstar Runner RSS feed reads, "Strong Bad teaches a college kid how to avoid getting their bike stolen."

Remarks

• In hygiene, two emails prior, Strong Bad complained about a lack of college girls sending him email. The sender of this email, Virginia, appears to be a female college student.
• "Thiefnique" is a portmanteau of "thief" and "technique".
• "Couchscraper" is a portmanteau of "couch" and "skyscraper".
• "Brrlap" on Strong Mad's textile-mill disguise refers to burlap, a durable but coarse cloth made of vegetable fiber.
• Strong Bad can spray the can of fog, although his hands are stuck to the couch later.
• Homestar's trash disguise has his own eyes, whereas Strong Bad, Strong Mad and The Cheat wore disguises with a unified, cartoony eye pattern, quite distinct from their own. Strangely, his disguise uses the cartoony eye pattern when re-shown in Fan Costumes '09.
• Homestar boasted in cliffhangers that he had the history and the motive to steal the Lappy.
• While Homestar is stealing the Lappy, clicking its screen will not create any ripples.
• Strong Bad's bush disguise bears a similarity to a berry-laden bush appearing in the Peasant's Quest video game.
• This is the first toon to show the exterior of a CGNU building (assuming that the tower in the background is in fact a building).
• Strong Bad claims that no self-respecting bicycle thief would steal a "mounTAIN bike". Then, dressed as the bush, he proceeds to steal Pom Pom's mountain bike.
• Assuming the couch is a standard one with fabric upholstery, Strong Bad couldn't have either climbed up or gotten stuck to the couch with suction cups.
• At the end of the Podstar Runner version of the email, the Easter egg of the Lappy slowly moving to the right starts automatically; however, it does not show Homestar Runner stealing it.
• In the Easter egg, during the cut to the wide shot, the New Paper disappears.

Goofs

azziP dlO 'sbuB "sdrawkcab yllaer a-s'tI"

• After Strong Bad receives the pizza and turns around, the logo on the pizza box gets reversed.
• When College Strong Bad throws the clipboard into the air, and then a second time he throws it off the screen, the entire text occasionally gets reversed.
• The printed The Paper is straight and does not follow the curvature of the New Paper.
• The word "safe" can be clicked even while the monitor continues to move in the Easter egg at the end, which restarts that segment from the beginning.
• When Homestar steals the Lappy, the power cord doesn't stretch or move. Instead it stays as it is.
• In the podstar version, the audio only plays on the left speaker until after the switch back to Strong Bad's lappy after Marzipan's line.

Fixed Goofs

• Strong Bad misspelled "enough" as "enogh" in the beginning of his response. This was fixed a few hours after it was released.

Inside References

• The pizza Bubs gives Strong Bad is Bubs' Old Pizza from privileges.
• Pom Pom's costume is from technology.
• The cat-burglar scene shows another instance of duct tape.
• Strong Bad's cat-burgling outfit was seen before in Strong Bad is in Jail Cartoon (minus the suction cups).
• The music playing as Strong Bad first appears in his bush disguise made its debut as Sterrance's theme in animal.
• The bicycle seat Red, White, and Banana first appeared in the chair.
• When Strong Bad attempts to steal the bike seat off of the couch, he is foiled by two Lazer Tag guns. The Poopsmith previously carried one of these guns when he dressed up in Lazer Tag gear in The House That Gave Sucky Treats.
• Strong Bad's line, "I would rather die," when asked to do something with someone, was first heard in Biz Cas Fri 1.
• The can in The Cheat's hideous pile is the same as the can Homestar kicks in the Easter egg in "original".
• Strong Bad's intro song is to the same tune as Strong Sad's lyrical rampage.

Real-World References

• Strong Bad makes reference to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.
• The CGNU building bears a strong resemblance to Tech Tower, the main administrative building on the Georgia Tech campus in downtown Atlanta, not far from where The Brothers Chaps live.
• Cats is a musical stage production, premiering in 1981, in which all the actors, portraying cats, perform in skin-tight costumes.
• Ban Roll On is the name of an actual deodorant product.
• Ponch and Jon were the main characters of the television show CHiPs.
• The laser guns taped to the couch appear to be Lazer Tag "StarLyte" pistols.

Fast Forward

• Strong Bad concludes two emails with the line "See you next time!" in Sbemailiarized!
• The word "Earth" is misspelled again in Pistols for Pandas.
• Swampslash uses a battery disguise similar to the ones used here by Strong Bad and Homestar in 2 Part Episode: Part 2.

DVD Version

• The DVD version features hidden creators' commentary. To access it, switch your DVD player's audio language selection while watching.

Commentary Transcript

(Commentary by: Strong Bad, Mike Chapman)

STRONG BAD: {singing} I ain't nothing but a bike thief that must be stopped! {echoing} Stopped, stopped, stopped, stopped...

MIKE: {simultaneously} Doo-doo-da, da da doo-doo-doo-da! Come on, keep going!

STRONG BAD: You like that song?

MIKE: Yeah. I like it.

STRONG BAD: You know the Beastie Boys? {Mike chuckles} Car Thief, it's called in their terms, though.

MIKE: Ohhh.

STRONG BAD: Yeah. Stolen bikes. Remember when that was an issue?

MIKE: Yeah.

STRONG BAD: Bikes getting stolen? Seems like that happened when we was kids more often... than now.

MIKE: Yeah, I don't have a bike, and I don't steal bikes, though. But maybe, for people that have bikes, it's still an issue.

STRONG BAD: It was a big issue for Pee-wee Herman's.

MIKE: {chuckles} I saw him... this morning.

STRONG BAD: What?!

MIKE: He was the bus driver in Meatballs 2.

STRONG BAD: No way!

MIKE: Yeah.

STRONG BAD: Wow!

MIKE: That was on Comedy Central when I turned on the TV at 8 this morning.

STRONG BAD: {overlapping} Was he... How old was he?

MIKE: Ah, you know, it was one of them private viewing— He was probably doing Pee Wee— '84?

STRONG BAD: Okay.

MIKE: So he was... you know. Young-ish.

STRONG BAD: What about mag wheels? Don't they seem like they just shatter? {Mike chuckles} Like, you always saw 'em on trick bikes and guys are hopping around a lot and stuff and it just seems like they just break.

MIKE: What were the mag wheels, exactly?

STRONG BAD: It was like, those three big plastic—

MIKE: Oh, just the three-prong wheels?

STRONG BAD: —spokes. No, no spokies.

MIKE: What was the kind—

{In the email, Strong Bad is stealing Pom Pom's bike}

STRONG BAD: Look at that!

MIKE: —that had the filled-in— like, the whole wheel was filled in?

STRONG BAD: Disc wheels, man.

MIKE: Disc wheels.

STRONG BAD: But it was just a cover that went over the spokes.

MIKE: Ah, okay. It was just old style.

STRONG BAD: {overlapping} That's what Homestar used, a Huffy Sigma. In this email. That's what I swiped from him.

MIKE: Did you...

STRONG BAD: Look at that bush. {pronounces it "boosh"} That's a good boosh outfit I made up.

MIKE: You shouldn't have put the eyes on it.

STRONG BAD: What are you talking about? That's the only way you know it's a disguise!

MIKE: {laughs}

STRONG BAD: Well, I mean... it's not gonna fool you if it was— like, if a bush walked up to you... it's like, "Oh, somebody has to be behind this bush." W— Look at that hideous pile!

MIKE: {laughs}

STRONG BAD: Oh, it looks like a bad guy from... Abadox. Or maybe... Life Force. One of those video games where you're inside of... of something.

MIKE: One of the later levels of R-Type.

STRONG BAD: Looks kinda like Gokul.

MIKE: Let's talk about your, uh... hair you've got there.

STRONG BAD: {sultry voice} Yeah. It's my great hair, man. {Mike chuckles} Do you want to come to my Strong circle later on? And maybe we'll have one fellowship?

MIKE: A Strong circle?

STRONG BAD: Yeah. It's, uh, we'll get all our {unintelligible} in line. Strong.

MIKE: All right.

STRONG BAD: So in this episode, there's a bell tower {Mike chuckles} and it's... Crazy Go Nuts University.

{in the email, Marzipan appears}

STRONG BAD: {screams}

MIKE: {chuckles}

STRONG BAD: That is the worst hair ever. Like, and I don't mean that it's bad hair; I think that's... a terrible drawing. {Mike chuckles} I bet Matt made that in, like, two seconds.

MIKE: Do you think he based it on 4 Non— a member of 4 Non Blondes? {chuckles}

STRONG BAD: I bet he did. I bet he said "Hey, yay, yay, yay..."

MIKE: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

STRONG BAD: Ooh, look at them laser tags! {Mike chuckles} What was— wait, what was that stuff I sprayed?

MIKE: Uh... {laughs}

STRONG BAD: C'mon, something.

MIKE: I don't know what it was.

STRONG BAD: That is some high-tech security, on that, uh... that bicycle seat there.

MIKE: Mm-hmm.

STRONG BAD: Red, White, and Banana. You know— I would slip off of that a lot.

MIKE: {unintelligible}

STRONG BAD: I like that it was glossy and glittery.

MIKE: Especially when you were working up a sweat.

STRONG BAD: Yeah, I would...

MIKE: Tushie sweat? {chuckles}

STRONG BAD: Yeah, I'm capable of a pretty sweaty butt. And I would fly right off of that thing.

MIKE: You'd probably do some cool tricks, though.

STRONG BAD: Yeah.

MIKE: Go off a jump...

STRONG BAD: Yeah!

MIKE: Slither right off that seat... {laughs}

STRONG BAD: Whoo! {pause} Um... {pause} You know, there was one time... I heard... I just heard this story.

MIKE: Uh-huh.

STRONG BAD: From Matt.

MIKE: Uh-huh.

STRONG BAD: That, uhh... he had a bike, and, and he didn't have a lock, and so he used to just kinda wrap the lock around. He didn't know how to lock it, or he didn't...

MIKE: Didn't have a padlock. Okay.

STRONG BAD: ...combination. And he'd just kinda wrap it around the thing. And usually fool people. One time, he came out of class, and it was there, and it was, uh, clearly been... someone had rid of it and returned it.

MIKE: {laughs} Really?

STRONG BAD: Yeah.

MIKE: Kinda like the Ferris Bueller's car in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off".

STRONG BAD: Yeah.

MIKE: Or Cameron's dad's car, excuse me.

This DVD commentary transcript needs to be checked for transcription errors. You can help the Homestar Runner Wiki by proofreading it.

Fun Facts

• Car Thief is a song by the hip hop band, Beastie Boys.
• Pee-wee Herman is a character from the 1980s show Pee-wee's Playhouse, played by the actor Paul Reubens. Paul Reubens was also in the film Meatballs 2.
• Strong Bad mentions the video games Abadox and Life Force; Mike mentions R-Type.
• Strong Bad mentions Gokul, an enemy from Stinkoman 20X6.
• Strong Bad sings 4 Non Blondes' song "What's Up?".
• Ferris Bueller's Day Off is a 1986 film. A scene is referenced where two parking attendants steal a car and take it out for a joyride before returning it. Strong Sad dressed up as the character Cameron Frye in The House That Gave Sucky Tricks.

External Links

• watch "bike thief"
• watch "bike thief" on the old Flash site
• view the Flash file for "bike thief"
• forum thread re: "bike thief"