being mean

Strong Bad Email #199

watch ← magic trick email thunder →

"This is why besing mean is not always the best choice."

Nice Dad comes to Strong Bad for advice on teaching his kids... not to be like Strong Bad.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Hungry Shark, Homestar Runner, The King of Town, Coach Z, Marzipan, Strong Mad

Places: Computer Room, The Field, The Classroom

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: Monday, September 8, 2008

Running Time: 3:26

Page Title: Lappy 486

DVD: strongbad_email.exe Disc Six

Transcript

STRONG BAD: {singing} I had to pay the doctor just to have this email removed. A-so smooth.

subject: being nice

Dear Strong Bad,
I know you think being mean is fun, but I'm trying to teach
my kids that that isn't right. Can you say something about
being nice and point out why being mean isn't always the
best choice. Thanks!

-Nice Dad

STRONG BAD: {typing} You're coming to me for nice lessons? You expect me to tell your wussy kids that being mean isn't the best choice? I wonder what other gems are in your sent mail outbox.

{Strong Bad types in "other_gems.exe", bringing up another email, accompanied by a ding.}

subject: chum

Dear Hungry Shark,
I'm trying to teach my wounded, bleeding sea lions that
tearing other creatures apart is not the answer, and I
immediately thought of you!!
Your Pal,

Nice Dad

{Strong Bad picks up a drawing of a bloody-toothed shark at a laptop with the caption "HUNGRY SHARK EMAiLS" when he says "thought of you."}

STRONG BAD: And there's probably one like...

{Strong Bad types "more_other_gems.exe" as he says this, bringing up a third email.}

subject: role model

Hey 42 year-old online game playing man-child that still lives with his ex-wife's parents,
It's me, Nice Dad! The boys need a lesson about
responsibility and personal hygiene. Got time to stop by tonight
between Goblin Keep Sieges?

-N.D.

{Strong Bad picks up a drawing of a goblin with the caption "GOBLiN KEEP SiEGE" when he says "Goblin Keep Sieges."}

STRONG BAD: {typing} The only time I know of when being mean isn't the best choice is when someone nearby is holding a really tall ice cream cone.

{Cut to Strong Bad and Homestar in the Field. Homestar is licking an ice cream cone that towers above the top of the screen. Strong Bad is smiling. Ice cream truck music plays in the background.}

STRONG BAD: Hey wow, Homestar. That's a great same-shirt-you-always-wear you have on today.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Thanks, Strong Bad. Did you want some of my...

{Strong Bad approaches him and kicks him in the leg, knocking him over. The ice cream cone flies into the air and lands on his face in pieces.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: OW!

STRONG BAD: Wahahahaha!

{Homestar starts to lick the ice cream again. Cut back to the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Oh, wait. Being mean is the best choice there too. Look, this is clearly not a job for me Nice Dad (translation: Uncool Dad). When it comes to teaching kids about behavior and choices and various other words from parenting books, there's only one place to look for answers, the Drama Club!

{Cut to the King of Town in the Classroom. On the chalkboard behind him, a gun labeled "BANG" has been drawn on the right-hand side and a large blob labeled "BRAINS" has been drawn on the left-hand side. The camera "rotates" around him until it faces him straight-on, so it looks like the gun is shooting The King of Town in the head.}

THE KING OF TOWN: Listen up, class. Instead of watching me doze off for the last ten minutes like we usually do, I've got a special treat for you all today. The drama club is going to perform a state-required skit about being nice, so we can avoid losing our accreditation! Now, give it up... for Coach Z's Nicetown Players!

{Cut to the side of the room. The lights dim as Coach Z, Marzipan, and Strong Mad enter. They get into various still poses and smile. A couple claps are heard.}

STRONG BAD: {offscreen} You suck.

{Slow music begins to play. A spotlight goes up on Coach Z.}

COACH Z: Oh, man. What a great pratty. I wonder what kid's house this is.

{The spotlight goes out, and another one comes up on Marzipan.}

MARZIPAN: I wonder if he likes me. Will I make the team? I wish my parents would stop fighting.

{The spotlight goes out, and a third comes up on Strong Mad.}

STRONG MAD: IS THIS MY CUE?

{The lights go up. Zoom in on Coach Z.}

COACH Z: Hey, Pants Pull-Upper! Nice pulled-up... pants!

{Camera Pans right to Marzipan.}

MARZIPAN: I shouldn't laugh, but I want to fit in. Good one, Head Male Cheerleader!

{Zoom out showing all three. Strong Mad runs away, causing the room to shake.}

STRONG MAD: BOO-HOO-HOO-HOO...

{Close-up of Coach Z and Marzipan. Coach Z leans against the wall, causing Marzipan to lean away from him.}

COACH Z: My parents' room is out of town in my car. Wanna go park out?

MARZIPAN: But what about that poor nerd?

COACH Z: Ah, who cares about...

{Wide shot of original stage area. Strong Mad runs in brandishing a baseball bat with spikes on the end. He swings it at Coach Z as Marzipan screams. Just before the bat makes contact with Coach Z's head, they all freeze and the lights dim. After a short pause, Strong Mad starts to tap Coach Z on the head with the bat. He smiles mischievously and laughs quietly, while Coach Z says "Ow." "Stop." "Quit it." Marzipan comes forward to speak.}

MARZIPAN: This is why besing mean is not always the best choice.

{Strong Mad raises the bat. Cut to Coach Z. The lights are back up.}

COACH Z: Drap it! {A rap beat begins to play.}
Now being mean ain't the greatest choice!
My name's Coach Z and I—

{The King of Town appears in front of him and the lights dim.}

THE KING OF TOWN: Aaaand we've run out of time.

STRONG BAD: {offscreen} You suck.

{Cut back to the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} See how lame that was Nice Dad? I'm sure your kids could learn all sorts of crap-kicked-out-of-them lessons from superbly acted dramatizations like that. But don't take it from me, let's hear from our resident parenting expert, Hungry Shark.

{He holds up the Hungry Shark Emails picture again.}

HUNGRY SHARK: Sometimes the taste of blood in the water is just so sweet, makes me wanna... I just gon... {voice becomes no longer gravelly} uh, I'm gonna eat your kids.

{New Paper comes down. Strong Bad moves the picture down so the "HUNGRY SHARK EMAiLS" caption becomes visible.}

Easter Eggs

• When the King of Town is in the middle of the screen, click on the right-hand side of the chalkboard to change the image. It switches between:
  • A gun shooting the King labeled "BANG" and a blob on the other side of him labeled "BRAINS"
  • An Olympic stadium with a torch bearer lighting the Olympic torch in the King's crown
  • Two striped horns on the King's head labeled "croissants?" with goat ears under them and two more horns coming out of his crown
  • A creature with the King's crown as its lower jaw
  • A bowl of ice cream in the King's crown labeled "ice cream 99¢"
  • A spear impaling the King labeled "THUCK!"
• At the end of the email, click on the logo on Hungry Shark's computer to hear the rest of Coach Z's rap song.

{The scene cuts to an album cover labeled "COACH Z GETS NOICE!" with an insert that says "Learn all sorts of crap-kicked-out-of-you lessons!" and shows Coach Z holding a large ice cream cone like Homestar's.}

COACH Z: Drap it! {The rap beat begins to play.}

Now being mean ain't the greatest choice!

My name's Coach Z and I likes to get noice!

If you don't believe me, listen to my voice;

I'll tell ya why being nice is the greatest choice!

Fun Facts

Trivia

• This email is listed as "being mean" in the Strong Bad Email and Podcast menus, but "being nice" in the Toons menu.
• The summary for the Podstar Runner RSS feed reads, "Strong Bad tries to give Nice Dad advice on not being mean."

Remarks

• Strong Bad smiles while talking to Homestar, as does Strong Mad in the being nice act.

Goofs

• When clubbed on the head by Strong Mad, Coach Z's arms are briefly separated at the elbow.
• If the chalkboard is changed by way of the Easter egg, it reverts to the "Gun & Brains" image when the King turns his head.

Inside References

• The music that plays during the ice cream cone scene is the music from Bubs' Baloney Sammich truck.
• Marzipan uses the word "be's", in the same way as Homestar in candy product.
• The croissant-like horns in the King of Town Easter egg are a reference to 3 wishes.
• This is another instance of blood.
• This email features a case of Lowercase i's in place of Regular I's in the case of "HUNGRY SHARK eMAiLS" and "GOBLiN KeeP SieGeS".
• Coach Z saying "Drap it!" before his rap song is a reference to your funeral.
• The first eight beats of Coach Z's rap song are the same played after the first three lines of These peoples try to fade me.
• Coach Z mentions pants.
• The Old Characters Page says that Homestar will share his ice cream, which is proven to be true here.

Real-World References

• The bad acting presentation and Coach Z's rap song parody after-school good-behavior shorts from the early '90s, such as Don't Copy That Floppy.
• The intro of Coach Z's rap song interpolates the famous drum fill from In the Air Tonight by Phil Collins.

DVD Version

• The scene with the chalkboard's changing images behind the King of Town is enabled automatically.
• The DVD version features hidden creators' commentary. To access it, switch the DVD player's audio language selection while watching.

Commentary Transcript

(Commentary by: Homestar Runner, Mike Chapman)

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Mike, why didn't you call this email be'sing mean?

MIKE: Be'sing mean? Well it's a Strong Bad Email, and Strong Bad... says being mean. Only you say be'sing mean.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: No, that's the real way to do it. Strong Bad be's mean.

MIKE: To you...

HOMESTAR RUNNER: You see the difference? I can say being mean, I know what that means.

MIKE: Okay.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Strong Bad doesn't be mean to me.

MIKE: He be's mean?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: He be's means.

MIKE: With bees? Are bees involved?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {overlapping} {laughs} Well... it's as stingy as a bee.

MIKE: Oh.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: He doesn't use— he has used bees. Pre— preh-viously.

MIKE: Hot bees?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hot bees.

{pause}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: So, why would you ask Strong Bad be's nice, you know?

MIKE: To teach his kids to be's nice?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah.

MIKE: Yeah?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: He's a poor role model. {exaggerating his pronunciation of "role model"} Wole m— wole modol. Modol... Wole modol.

MIKE: {laughs} Havin' some problems, with the word...

HOMESTAR RUNNER: No, I got it out. I just had to get close to the mic.

MIKE: Oh, okay. {laughs}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah. {pause} Umm... {pause} You know. Why does that guy live with his ex-wife's parents?

MIKE: {laughs}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: What kind of weird arrangement is that, Mike?

MIKE: {laughs} His ex-wife probably left him for... a stunt man?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oooh!

MIKE: Or a—

HOMESTAR RUNNER: A Crack Stuntman?

MIKE: Radi— rodeo... clown?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Okay.

MIKE: And the parent-in-laws felt sorry for him because—

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oooh, look at all of those flavors! I had, um, Green Mint.

MIKE: Uh-huh.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yellow Sun.

MIKE: {laughs}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Purple... Grapes.

MIKE: {laughs} Uh-huh.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: And the other colors, that you didn't get a chance to... let me look at.

MIKE: So grape, artificially grape— artificial grape flavor, Homestar.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I had some grape Gattoradd.

MIKE: Doesn't taste like grapes.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: No, it tastes like melted grape-flavored popsicles.

MIKE: {laughs} Yeah.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Which it... doesn't taste like grapes neither. OOH! Look at that!

MIKE: Look at that 3D rotation.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: That almost looks like cinematique!

MIKE: {laughs}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Do you think it's quite cinematique?

MIKE: What is happening to the King of Town here?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: He looks like he's getting the brain blow.

MIKE: Mm-hmm.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: The ol' Brainblow City. {pause} Yay! {claps hands} Yay!

MIKE: Have you ever seen these guys before?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I have. One time they put this one called "Use the Band-Aid".

MIKE: {laughs}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: The Scrape... The Scrapening.

MIKE: {laughs}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: They got some nice spotlights in that classroom.

MIKE: Yeah, it's kinda light already, and for it to... be so spot-lit is suprising. {a hitting sound is heard}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah.

MIKE: {more hitting sounds} I'm gonna kick this door here, Homestar.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Strong Mad doesn't even have no pants on. He wears a wrestling gear. How come he doesn't wear that chinstrap that wrestlers do?

MIKE: Yeah?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: That has the headphones on it?

MIKE: I don't think Strong Mad— I think it would be impossible to construct a headgear for Strong Mad.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: We oughta try it.

MIKE: He doesn't have ears to cover up.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: See, look, Marzipan knows what's up! That-a girl Marzipan! Gimme the juice!

MIKE: {laughs}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Aw, man, this is the worst part! The Band-Aid one, he just went like "Band-Aid, all the time, rapping man with Band-Aid bran."

MIKE: {laughs} All right.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah. It was all a big advertisement for {higher voice} Band-Aid bran.

MIKE: Bandages, not Band-Aid.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: It's called bandages, more—

MIKE: Yeah. More bandages.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {overlapping} More bandages than— because I got more bandages than you.

MIKE: Are you asleep again, Homestar?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: What WHAT? What?

MIKE: Are you asleep again?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I don't— {now scared} not anymore, I'm gonna have nightmares about that shark. {pause} {more scared} A-blah blah blah...

MIKE: {laughs}

Fun Facts

• Homestar makes a distinction between "be'sing mean" and "being mean".
• "Hot bees" is a reference to the process.
• Homestar mentions Crack Stuntman and Brainblow City.
• Homestar mentions the sports drink Gatorade (but pronounces it with a short A).
• Homestar's line about "more bandages than you" is a reference to nightlife, as is Mike's inquiring reply as to whether Homestar is asleep.

External Links

• watch "being mean"
• watch "being mean" on the old Flash site
• view the Flash file for "being mean"
• forum thread re: "being mean"