bedtime story

Strong Bad Email #137

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"TRY HARDER TO BE A BRAN MUFFIN!"

Strong Bad explains how he helps The Cheat go to bed at night.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, The Cheat, The Denzel, Moses Malone, Maggot Man, Strong Mad

Places: Computer Room, Basement of the Brothers Strong, The King of Town's Grill, Moses MaloneLand

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: Monday, October 24, 2005

Running Time: 3:34

Page Title: Lappy 486

DVD: strongbad_email.exe Disc Five

Transcript

STRONG BAD: {singing} I'm still here, after all these years, checkin' my email. {high pitched} Checkin' my email! {brings up the email}

subject: Bed-time Stories

Hello Strong Bad,
I can't seem to fall asleep latley and I was wondering,
you know, if you would tell me a bedtime story.
Good Night.
- Justin Wagley

Keller, TX

{Strong Bad pronounces "latley" as written and "Keller, TX" as "Killer taxes." He also puts special emphasis on "you know" and "Good Night."}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Justin Wagley, {shakes head quickly} huh? Well, this just in, Wagley {shakes head again}: I'm not your freakin' babysitter! Or your Dad. Or your dadbysitter. {clears screen} But I am The Cheat's dadbysitter and he's been having some serious problems falling asleep latley {pronounced as before} too, ever since he watched that shock-you-mentary about gingivitis.

{Cut to The Cheat in Strong Bad's basement, with the lights off. The TV is playing, and The Cheat looks scared.}

MAN ON TELEVISION: In the final stages, the gums took on the appearance and taste of chocolate pudding.

{The Cheat gives a scared whine/whimper and turns pale. Cut back to the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} We've had to cook up such an elaborate go-to-sleep scheme for The Cheat that I believe it's officially reached rigamarole status. Anyways, it all begins by making sure The Cheat has his security, um, item. A grodalated old sponge—

{Cut to an image of a green sponge with a badly-drawn face, covered in bandages.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} —covered in Band-Aids which he affectionately refers to as "The Denzel."

{The words "The Denzel" appear in quotes at the bottom of the screen. Cut back to the Lappy; Strong Bad continues to type.}

STRONG BAD: Next, we have to prepare The Cheat's favorite bedtime snack. A tall glass of a little concoction he calls SUUDSU.

{Cut to a blue screen with "oh my, SUUDSU" written in the background. A glass of milk appears with a chime.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Skim milk,—

{A pile of gummy bears appears.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} —gummy bears,—

{The gummy bears are placed in the milk and a circle reading "Pure Genius!" appears.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} —pure genius!

{Cut to The King of Town's grill, without the lid. The Cheat is lying on it, carrying The Denzel and holding a glass of Suudsu.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} So, once he's safely cuddled up with The Denzel and his glass of Suudsu,—

{Strong Bad walks up onscreen}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} —it's time to begin the bedtime story proper.

STRONG BAD: {onscreen} Okay, The Cheat, are you ready for tonight's installment of...

{A thought bubble appears from The Cheat, taking over the entire screen. In Powered by The Cheat style, the words "The Ch8t's Cheatventures in Moses MaloneLand" appear as spoken.}

STRONG BAD: {Powered by The Cheat, voiceover} The Cheat's Cheatventures in Moses MaloneLand! When we laugh left our heroes—

{A picture of The Cheat and a pair of dark-skinned legs with long socks and red shoes appears. They're standing behind a podium, with Mt. Rushmore to the right.}

STRONG BAD: —they had just won a debate against the minds of Mount Rushmore {said with the accent placed on "Mount"} and re-celebrating—

{A new picture appears, with The Cheat sporting an unusual hairdo and Moses Malone's legs standing near a crude rack of items and "le new style" written in the background}

STRONG BAD: —by shopping for some new wri— wristbands.

{The Cheat turns toward the rack and points at one of the items.}

MOSES MALONE: {only his legs are seen; the sock on the left moves up and down as he speaks} Dang, The Cheat, you would look good with a pair of monster truck tires!

{A pair of monster truck tires suddenly appear on The Cheat.}

MOSES MALONE: Now we're talkin'! Uh-oh! Maggot Man!

{Cut to a sunset view. A silhouette appears over the horizon; when it reaches the foreground, it is revealed to have a pink body, a pair of pincers in place of a head, seemingly boneless arms, and no hands.}

MAGGOT MAN: {flailing his floppy arm} Hey, guys, can I come over and play video games!?

{Shift back to Moses and The Cheat, who is holding a knife.}

MOSES MALONE: No.
THE CHEAT: {simultaneously} {emphatic negative The Cheat noise}

{The camera moves back, showing that Maggot Man is very small compared to Moses, and that they're standing on a football field. Moses kicks Maggot Man away, toward the top of the screen. There is a small upside-down mushroom cloud where Maggot Man disappears from the screen. Cut to Moses and The Cheat in a trophy room with a banner that reads "HALL OF FAME."}

MOSES MALONE: Nice work, little man. What do you say you and I go play some video games?

THE CHEAT: {affirmative The Cheat noises}

{The Cheat's right arm becomes humanoid and gives Moses a thumbs-up.}

MOSES MALONE: All right.

MOSES MALONE: I got first game!
THE CHEAT: {simultaneously} {The Cheat noises that roughly match what Moses is saying}

{The Cheat laughs, with his arm temporarily detaching from his body. Cut to a picture of a digital wristwatch flashing a line art depiction of The Cheat in red LEDs. Above it is the banner "TIME NEXT".}

STRONG BAD: {Powered by The Cheat, voiceover} Next time on The Cheat's Cheatventures in Moses MaloneLand...

{Cut to a room with a banner reading "ALL OF GAME," with The Cheat and Moses holding Nintendo controllers. Moses's hands are in view; he has a large gold ring on his right hand.}

MOSES MALONE: The Adventures of Lolo? You better s-s-save {pronounced like "have"} saved the receipt!

{Cut to the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} After I get sick of making up crap about The Cheat and Moses Malone, Strong Mad and I belt out his favorite lullaby.

{Cut to the grill, where Strong Mad is revving up a chainsaw.}

STRONG BAD: {attempting to yell over the chainsaw} BRAN MUFFIN!! COME ON YOU STUPID BRAN MUFFIN!! TRY HARDER TO BE A BRAN MUFFIN!!!

{The Cheat sighs happily, closes his eyes, and smiles. Cut back to the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} And when that doesn't work, we call upon our good friend, 2 or 3 roach foggers.

{Cut back to the grill once more. Two cans of "ROACH KILLA! (GAVIN SAFE!)" are now on the grill with The Cheat, and Strong Bad is holding a third.}

STRONG BAD: Sleep tight, sweet prince!

{He tosses the third can onto the grill, slams the lid on it, and then takes cover. A small explosion is seen from inside the grill. Then, The Cheat sighs again.}

STRONG BAD: {looking over his shoulder} How're his vitals?

{Pan over to Strong Mad in scrubs and surgical mask, with a heart monitor. After an interval of straight line, it blips once.}

STRONG MAD: WE'VE GOT A PULSE!

{Cut back to the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} So if we're lucky, The Cheat wakes up alive the next morning and fixes us all a big pitcher of suudsu. No foolin', man. That stuff is G-E-W-D, gewd. Hopefully you were able to at least cop a wicked contact buzz off of The Cheat's bedtime story, Wagley. Or off the fumes from those bug bombs. Either way, {the screen dims} you should be losing consciousness {the sound slows and descends in pitch like recorded tape being slowed to a halt} any second now.

{The Paper comes down.}

Easter Eggs

• Click on "rigamarole" to see the Certificate of Rigamarolarity.

CERTIFICATE OF RIGAMAROLARITY

CERTIFICATE OF RIGAMAROLARITY

This paper right here seriously signifies that
  getting the Cheat to freaking go to sleep  
has hereby achieved RIGAMAROLE STATUS
Let it be known from the valleys
to the hills.
Or maybe the dells.

G.L. Rigamarole

Good Lord Rigamarole

• Click on "Suudsu" at the end to see a "real-life" glass of Suudsu.
• Click on "bedtime story" to see more of The Cheat and Moses Malone playing video games.

MOSES MALONE: Bayou Billy? I hope you saved the receipt!

Fun Facts

Explanations

• Gingivitis is the inflammation of the gums due to improper (or lack of) cleaning of the teeth.
• "Grodalated" is a made-up word that presumably means "has become or been made grody".

Remarks

• When the Suudsu is being made, the gummy bears do not cause any liquid displacement to the milk (the milk level does not rise).
• Moses Malone's body does not appear above the "HALL OF FAME" banner or the "ALL OF GAME" banner.
• The first time Moses Malone appears, his socks have one blue and red stripe each. Every time later, his left sock has a red stripe and his right sock has a blue stripe. They are also longer.
• The smoke from the foggers does not come out of the open holes on the top of the grill.
• The fact that Good Lord Rigamarole's signature is "G. L. Rigamarole" implies that "Good" and "Lord" are his first and middle names rather than a title.
• The Cheat's favorite lullaby involves the roar of a chainsaw; however, he was terrified by the roar of Bubs' "pumpkin" in Pumpkin Carve-nival.

Goofs

• The word "consciousness" on the screen before the fadeout is misspelled as "conciousness".

Inside References

• It was first revealed in Where's The Cheat? that The Cheat lives in the King of Town's grill.
• The title "The Ch8t's Cheatventures in Moses MaloneLand" is an example of Leetspeak.
  • In addition, The Cheat is also referred to as "The Ch8t" during the email mile.
• The entire "Moses MaloneLand" part (including the voices) is all done in Powered by The Cheat style.
• "Cheatventures", "Shock-you-mentary", and "Dadbysitter" are portmanteaus.
• The glass of Suudsu in the Easter egg is a live action drink.

Real-World References

• Moses Malone was a former basketball player who played in both the NBA and the ABA. He was named one of the NBA's 50 greatest players in 1997, was inducted into the Hall of Fame in 2001, and died in 2015.
• The controllers that The Cheat and Moses Malone were playing with are similar to the original and most recognizable controllers that were available for the Nintendo Entertainment System.
  • Adventures of Lolo is a puzzle game for the NES developed by HAL Laboratory, in which the player had to make their way through ten floors to save the country of Eden. It received mostly positive ratings for the puzzle-style gameplay.
  • The Adventures of Bayou Billy is a multi-genre action adventure game for the NES featuring a beat-'em-up style of gameplay and first person shooter sections. It was notorious for poor controls and extreme difficulty.
• "Sleep tight, sweet prince" is a reference to Shakespeare's Hamlet, Act 5, Scene 2, where Horatio says "Good night, sweet prince, and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest" to the dying Hamlet.
• Gummy bears (also known as Gold-Bears in some parts of Europe) are small, chewy, bear-shaped confections originally developed by Haribo.
• The "lullaby" played on the chainsaw by Strong Mad is similar to the Jackyl song "The Lumberjack", which features a chainsaw solo played by the band's lead singer Jesse Dupree.

Fast Forward

• Exactly five months later, a photograph of the glass of Suudsu appeared in the Sketchbook.

YouTube Version

• The YouTube description for this email is "The Cheat's bedtime routine has officially reached rigamarole status. Watch and learn!"
• None of the Easter eggs are present.

DVD Version

• The DVD version features hidden creators' commentary. To access it, switch the DVD player's audio language selection while watching.

Commentary Transcript

MATT: Do you remember when, uh, Dad would read us Go Team Go, Mike?

MIKE: Yes. There's a author, I think his name's John Tunis?

MATT: Yeah.

MIKE: He wrote this series of sports books, yeah, one of which was Go Team Go

MATT: I always picture— were they in Indiana? I always just placed them in Indiana—

MIKE: Yeah.

MATT: —cause they played basketball.

MIKE: That's the only place where high school basketball exists, {Matt laughs} especially in the '50s. Did you ever get read bedtime stories, Ry, that you can remember?

RYAN: Uh, It's Raining Meatballs, what's that one?

MIKE: I dunno.

RYAN: There's one my Dad really liked.

MIKE: Right.

RYAN: I think "It's raining Spaghetti and Meatballs" or something like that.

MIKE: Ok. Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing? Super Fudge?

{all laugh}

MATT: I remember, uh, I told my dentist about this joke, like, I had to go to the dentist just a few days, uh, after we made this.

MIKE: Uh-huh.

MATT: And they were just like— and they knew— you know, they kind of know what we do, that we make this cartoon website. And I was trying to explain, I was like "Oh yeah, we made this joke about, you know, gums getting gross." And they were just kinda like "What?" And I was like, "Well there's this little character, and—" — just like, yeah— they weren't getting it at all and I was having a terrible time explaining.

MIKE: I saw that sponge in the sink—

MATT: Just now?

MIKE: Yeah.

MATT: Washing out some—

MIKE: Today I was washing out a cup, and it's still this gross old sponge.

RYAN: That sink is a sad sight. In the office.

MIKE: Yeah, that sink is in bad shape.

RYAN: The Denzel.

MATT: So, tell 'em Mike.

MIKE: Well, Suudsu, along with Bronco Trolleys, were— uhh— I dreamt about. And I just had a dream about Suudsu, and it was a good—

MATT: Gummi bears and milk, man.

MIKE: It looks delicious.

RYAN: We still have it, don't we?

MATT: Yeah it's still in there.

MIKE: {simultaneously} Yeah, in the break room.

MATT: And all the milk is evaporated.

MIKE: Ohh... uh, more P-T-— P-B-T-C.

MATT: The chate. {pause} {laughs}

MIKE: I like how Moses Malone talks here, with his sock.

RYAN: Yeah.

{pause} {all laugh}

MIKE: Yes, The Cheat has a nice little, uh, hairdo.

{all laugh}

MATT: I don't like Maggot Man. {pause} Eww... The Cheat grew a human hand.

MIKE: Remember how Bayou Billy was advertised in comic books for about two years—

MATT: Yeah.

MIKE: —before it finally came out?

MATT: I think— I think our friend Neil called first game, the first time one of those ads appeared.

MIKE: "I call first game!"

MATT: "I got first game!" — as soon as Bayou Billy came into, like, into anyone's consciousness, Neil called first game. {long pause} That is a horrible lullaby, you guys. You should try that on your daughter, Mike.

MIKE: What his he saying? Some— ...Try harder to be a bran muffin.

{all laugh}

MATT: That's a good so— The Cheat loves it. {pause} For a second there, I thought that Strong Mad w— wasn't holding that thing, and he was like, uh, Evil Dead II'ing it. {imitates chain saw sound} Chainsaw attached to his wrist.

{pause}

MIKE: Ohh! All— all you ladies will notice that looks like Grey's Anatomy.

{laughter}

MIKE: Hey—

RYAN: Hot new show.

MIKE: Ladies love Grey's Anatomy.

{pause}

MATT: Gewd; That's a portmanteau of "good" and "eww".

{pause}

MATT: Umm, what were those bug bombs called? I remember being proud of that, uh, that packaging on the, the can of bu— {email ends} {imitates slowing down as audio from email slows down} Uh oh... {unintelligible}

Fun Facts

• Mike mentions Bronco Trolleys.
• The "It's Raining Spaghetti and Meatballs" book that Ryan mentions is probably Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, the cover of which shows it raining meatballs.
• Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing and Superfudge are both children's books by Judy Blume.
• Strong Mad being said to have been "Evil Dead IIing" the chainsaw is a reference to the movie Evil Dead II, in which the protagonist, Ash, cuts off his own hand and replaces it with a chainsaw.
• Grey's Anatomy is an American prime-time medical drama. The series revolves around Dr. Meredith Grey, who began the show as a surgical intern at Seattle Grace Hospital in Seattle, Washington.

External Links

• watch "bedtime story"
• watch "bedtime story" on YouTube
• watch "bedtime story" on the old Flash site
• view the Flash file for "bedtime story"
• forum thread re: "bedtime story"