Coach Z's 110%

"The makers of this commercial have asked me to speak in a more toned-down voice."

Coach Z sells a sports motivation video tape.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Sad, Coach Z, Homestar Runner, The Cheat, Strong Mad, Strong Bad

Places: Race Track, Coach Z's Locker Room, Athletic Field

Date: Monday, December 8, 2008

Running Time: 1:42

Page Title: Rotating Computer Graphic Guaranteed!

Transcript

{Open to Strong Sad running slowly on The Track, chanting to himself.}

STRONG SAD: Sports and practice! Sports and practice!

{A loud buzzer is heard, and Strong Sad stops running just before the finish line.}

STRONG SAD: {dejected} Oh, hash potatoes! I'll never be the number-one pick!

{Bright red text reading "HOLD ON!" is seemingly slapped onto the screen, and Strong Sad looks into the camera.}

NARRATOR: {off screen} Hold on!

{The words on the screen start to skew backwards and then speed offscreen quickly. A graphic of a video tape - titled "Coach Z's 110% Hustle for Sports Instructional Video" - spins onto the screen over Strong Sad who smiles as the narrator continues to speak.}

NARRATOR: {off screen} Introducing Coach Z's 110% Hustle for Sports Instructional Video!

{Brightly colored lines gleam from the video's box.}

{After a few seconds, an electro-pop type song starts playing, while clips of Homestar running on The Athletic Field, Coach Z talking to The Cheat doing jumping jacks in the Gymnasium, Strong Mad talking to Coach Z near the lockers in the Locker Room, and Strong Sad standing at the track, with Coach Z walking up to him fly across the screen. The latter makes its way to the center of the screen and zooms in to cover the complete viewing area.}

COACH Z: {turns to the camera, and starts speaking very statically and detached} Hi. I'm Coach Z.

{Zoom in on Coach Z}

COACH Z: And the makers of this commercial have asked me to speak in a more toned-down voice.

{Quick zoom in on the coach from another angle}

COACH Z: As coach of world-champion hustlers and try-harders, {He holds up a trophy marked "HUSTLE", and a medal inscribed "You Tried!", and puts them down within a few seconds} I've cram-packed these—

{Cut to a whitish-gray screen, where 18 VHS boxes marked with the instructional video's packaging stack up. The initials "VHS" appear, and letters fly in from the right to make the initials now say "Video Hustle Series".}

COACH Z: —nineteen 'VHS' cassette tapes, {cut back to Coach Z} with all the secrets to step-by-step sports instructional videros {pronounced as "vid-ee-air-o-s"}.

{Cut to Homestar at The Field, the edges of the screen tinted white. He turns around and speaks to the viewer}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hustle for sports!

{Cut to an orange background, where blue tapes marked with the tape number and titles like "TAPE FOUR: the fundamentals" (showing a basketball player punching someone in the face), "TAPE NINE: advanced techniques" (showing a baseball player hitting a catcher in the head with his baseball bat), and "TAPE FOURTEEN: training tips" (showing a tennis player preparing to hit a rabbit flying through the air) float around the screen.}

NARRATOR: {off screen} The fundamentals! Advanced techniques! Training tips! {Four tapes marked "THE JOCK- part one", "THE JOCK- part two", "THE JOCK - part three", and "THE JOCK- part four" stack up on each other, each one depicting a jockstrap} And a some lot more!

{Cut to the Athletic Field where Homestar (in his "Team Kneepads" shirt), Strong Sad and The Cheat are standing behind three tires and three baseball gloves. A folded sign with "DRILLS" on it is present in front of The Cheat's tire. Homestar, Strong Sad, and The Cheat start to lean forward, pat their butts, and jump about in a 'warm-up like' fashion.}

COACH Z: My butt-patented system will get the results your youngster needs to not get made fun of out on the fierld.

{Cut again to reveal Homestar standing around in a similar fashion to before, only at the Athletic Field, slowly zooming in with white borders. He turns around.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hustle for sports!

{Cut to Strong Bad, wearing a blue baseball cap, standing in front of an orange background with "This Pr♥duct" repeated on it (in a similar way to the Index Page). The logo of the video is hovered in front of his cap very awkwardly and doesn't match his movements.}

STRONG BAD: This product is a product I endorse. {Makes a punch-like gesture at the viewer, pausing awkwardly for a second, before gesturing towards his hat} On my hat.

{Cut to Homestar in The Locker Room, white borders. He turns around.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hustle for sports!

{Cut to a pie chart over a blue background, "HUS 75%", "T 16%", "L 6%" and "E 3%" are marked as so on the chart.}

COACH Z: My whole deal's backed up by {A green pie-chart piece reading "extra 10%" is dropped onto the chart} actual scientific findings— {Text reading "!!!!" appears, with a line connecting it and the new green pie-chart piece}

{A horizontally rotating wireframe model of a human figure appears on the screen.}

COACH Z: —and this rotating computer graphic, so you know it's legit! {"100% Rotatey" appears on the screen, with a line connecting it to the rotating figure}.

{Cut to the Locker Room, where Homestar, glistening with sweat and with a towel around his shoulders, is being interviewed. Microphones marked "Sporto TV" and "Sports Mics Inc." are held up to him, and TV bugs containing the text "LIVE-ish" and a logo for "VSTV - Vague Sports Television" are also on screen. Flash photos are being taken.}

REPORTER: {off screen} Homestar Runner, you just won the sports, how you diddat?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {out of breath} Well, we just brought our A game, you know? Everybody stepped it up out there, {wipes sweat off brow with towel} and then we stayed within ourselves, and decided that it would be a good strategy to try and score more points than our opponents within the allotted time. {sudden enthusiasm, holding up Coach Z's intructional video} Thanks, Coach Z's 110% Hustle for Sports Instructional Video!

{Cut to a blue background, with 5 of the videos stacked among each other, a flashing "CALL NOW!!", and the price of "$59.95*". Below them is the text "We Accept:", followed by four credit cards}

NARRATOR: {off screen} Coach Z's 110% whatever machine! Only $59.95 plus shipping and handing, or free with proof of VCR-have {The text "*Free with proof of VCR-have" appear at the bottom}.

{Cut to a black background, slowly zooming in, with bright lines moving around randomly. Homestar appears again, back to the camera. He turns around, sporting a mustache, and speaks to the viewer.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hustle for sports!

{Cut back to the "pricing" screen, where "CALL NOW!!" is still flashing.}

Easter Eggs

• At the end, click on the video with the visible cover to see another Strong Bad promo. {The footage of Strong Bad from the main toon is shown again, the only difference being that Strong Bad's hat now reads "sbcg4ap".} STRONG BAD: This product is a product I endorse. {Makes a punch-like gesture at the viewer, pausing awkwardly for a second, before gesturing towards his hat} On my hat.

Fun Facts

Explanations

• The entire toon is a parody of low-budget infomercials from the late 1980s and early 1990s. The cheap special effects, such as the streaking boxes and the floating logo on Strong Bad's cap, were very common back in the days of analog video production (since they didn't require any extra equipment to do, in most cases), and infomercials of the time made constant use of them.
• The abbreviation "VHS" stands for "Video Home System".

Trivia

• All four different credit cards read "5555 555 555" as their card numbers.
  • The one to the left reads "plastuique" on a diagonally striped blue/white/red background.
  • The next one is green, reads "$$$" on it and has a circle at the top left corner.
  • The third one reads an orange "plascardo" on a gray fill card.
  • The one to the right reads "VCR" on a card that resembles a VHS cassette.
• The YouTube description for this toon is "Call Now!! Coach Z's 110% Hustle for Sports Instructional Video."

Remarks

• Though the ad says "Call now!", there is no phone number listed.
• Coach Z says there are 19 VHS tapes, but only 18 are shown.

Inside References

• One of the exercises Coach Z demonstrates is butt-patting.
• This is another instance of poor acting, with almost all characters speaking in monotone or cheesy voices.
• This is another appearance of Team Kneepads (although Homsar is absent).
• The picture of Coach Z painted in the field is the Fightin' Coach Z from One Two, One Two.
• This is another instance of Strong Sad smiling.
• Homestar is seen sporting a mustache at the end.
• The inclusion of "110%" in the title is a reference to Coach Z's Yearbook Page.
• "Sports and practice" and "Hustle for sports" are nondescript nouns.
• The tape comes free with proof of VCR-have.

External Links

• watch "Coach Z's 110%"
• watch "Coach Z's 110%" on YouTube
• watch "Coach Z's 110%" on the old Flash site
• view the Flash file for "Coach Z's 110%"
• forum thread re: "Coach Z's 110%"