Lady fan

"Twees it out!"

Strong Bad tries to impress an emailer's new lady fan.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Buck Webb, Lady Fan, Homestar Runner, The Cheat, Marzipan

Places: Computer Room, Gymnasium, Laundry Room of the Brothers Strong, Marzipan's House

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: Monday, March 6, 2006

Running Time: 3:30

Page Title: Lappy 486

DVD:strongbad email.exe Disc Five

Transcript

STRONG BAD: How many emails can you check? Five. Twelve. Seven. Shut up.

{reading}

>subject: extra cool >Dear Strong Bad,
>My new lady fan does not like you so much. Should I
>just call it quits now or can you do something extra special
>cool to impress her?
>Buck Webb
>Houston, Tejas

{Strong Bad reads "Houston" as "Hooston".}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Buck Webb? You sound like one of those boring soap-opera comic strips from the, {stops typing} quote-un-quote, {resumes typing} "funny" pages.

{An example of a boring soap-opera comic pops up. It is titled "Buck Webb, Extraordinaire". Music begins playing. When characters talk, speech balloons appear. Strong Bad voices both characters.}

BUCK: I'm afraid it's Splitsville for us, Lady Fan... if you don't take a shine to Strong Bad!

LADY FAN: {drippy speech balloon} Oh, Buck...

{Cut to the next panel. Lady fan is holding a pistol up to Buck.}

LADY FAN: I'll give Strong Bad a chance. In fact...

{Cut to next panel, of a turtle in a pool, with the caption "Sea turtles eat a wide variety of food".}

LADY FAN: ... I think I'm falling for him. Like, big time.

BUCK: C'mon, baby. Stay with me.

{Next panel. Buck is holding a yoga DVD.}

BUCK: I'll buy you a new yoga DVD!!

{Next panel. Lady fan is crying and there is a caption "Back in Des Moines..."}

LADY FAN: I'll... think about it!!!!

{Cut away from the comic. The Lappy's screen has been cleared.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} We both know who she's gonna choose, Buck. Is that what you want? But hey, you asked for it. And as you know, when people send me stupid emails, I'm obligated by law to do what they say. So, extra special cool coming right up!

{Cut to a gymnasium.}

STRONG BAD: Nothing's more E-S-C than one-handed push-ups. Coupla these bad boys oughta do the trick! Here-a I-a go-a!

{Strong Bad attempts to do a one-handed push-up, but falls down. The scoreboard buzzes and turns to -1.}

STRONG BAD: Oh, did I say "one-handed push-ups"? Those things are lame. Real men play two-handed push-ups! We'll start with fifty and see how we feel. Here-sa I-sa go-sa!

{Strong Bad attempts to do a two-handed push up. Beads of sweat appear on his forehead, but he is unable to lift himself off the ground. The scoreboard buzzes and turns to -51.}

STRONG BAD: I can't do ONE push up?! I used to be able to do, like, four. Maybe I need to start workin' out.

{Homestar Runner appears dressed as an aerobics instructor, wearing a singlet and legwarmers.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Boy, I'll say you do. One, two, and flex your pecs! Give it eight more! And five! Twees it out! C'mon y'all! Just twees it out!

STRONG BAD: Twees it out?

{Homestar turns around to show Strong Bad his rear. Strong Bad looks away and blocks the image with his hand.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Your buttweessimo! We're gonna mold that twees into the Iron Sheik!

{Homestar looks toward Strong Bad's "twees". Strong Bad replies by covering it with both hands.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Just six more now! Eight and four! Shake it freely, twees it out!

STRONG BAD: Yeah, cool. I'm gonna go ahead and need you to never say "twees it out" ever again.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: You're doing great! Now shoulders down! One and two. {The rest of this line is very quiet and said under Strong Bad's next line.} Feel the burn and go to bed! Make some breakfast, talk to me!

{Strong Bad walks towards the viewer. Homestar continues to stretch in the background.}

STRONG BAD: What'll really impress your lady fan is a cute, fluffy The Cheat—

{Scene changes to the laundry room.}

STRONG BAD: Fresh from the dryer!

{Strong Bad opens the dryer, revealing a fluffy The Cheat.}

STRONG BAD: Awww, look at him! All cottony soft...

{Strong Bad tries to pick up The Cheat but is shocked by static electricity.}

STRONG BAD: AHHHH! Jeez, use a dryer sheet, man.

{The Cheat starts turning green and his The Cheat noises turn queasy.}

STRONG BAD: Uh oh, this is not looking extra special cool.

{Strong Bad closes the dryer door just as The Cheat throws up.}

STRONG BAD: Don't worry, little buddy. We'll just throw you back in the wash.

{Some vomit runs out the corner of the dryer door. Homestar returns, still in his work-out uniform.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Back in the wash. Come on, come on! Twees it, twees it, zabaladoo!

STRONG BAD: Get it out of here, Wretched Simmons! I'm trying to get some girl to like some guy I don't know!

{Homestar bobs up and down twice more. Scene changes to Strong Bad and Marzipan sitting at a table with a "CAT MESS" kitty litter bag, pie pan with some kitty litter in it, a glue gun, envelopes, and scissors.}

STRONG BAD: One thing I definitely know about lady fans is that they all like crappy arts and crafts projects.

MARZIPAN: Today we're going to make a really creative centerpiece out of junk mail and kitty litter.

STRONG BAD: {sarcastically} Sounds heavenly...

MARZIPAN: {picks up an envelope and begins to cut it with the scissors} Now first of all I want you to take your snip-sniparooskies— and that's what we call our scissors...

STRONG BAD: {overlapping, uninterested} Uh-huh...

MARZIPAN: {cut to a closeup of the envelope} ...and then just a little crinkle cut right here on the northern edge...

{Strong Bad knocks the envelope and scissors to the table. Cut back to wide shot. Marzipan becomes angry at Strong Bad.}

STRONG BAD: UGH! Never mind! What the lady fans really want is some {high-pitched echoing screaming} PYROTECHNICS!!

{Strong Bad throws the BMW Lighter onto the table, causing multiple explosions that turn everything to ashes, including Marzipan's hair. The ashen remains of the "CAT MESS" bag collapse.}

MARZIPAN: Strong Bad, you're a horse's twees.

{The remains of the glue gun collapse as well. Cut back to the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} There you have it, Buck. Oh wait...

{Changes to comic strip version of Strong Bad talking to Buck.}

STRONG BAD: There you have it, Buck! If that floozy's not all up ons after that, you gotta drop her like a trig class, see??!!??!

{Next panel, solo shot of Buck.}

BUCK: Tight, Strong Bad. Real tight.

{Next panel, silhouettes of Strong Bad and Buck looking at work-out Homestar.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: That's right. Keep that twees real tight. Flex it, flex it, shoulder stance.

{Next panel, a comic book version of The Paper. The Paper noise is heard. A caption reads "PREEEOW!!"}

Easter Eggs

• Click the scoreboard after Strong Bad calls one-handed push-ups lame to see a blue bumper sticker that says "Real Men Play Two Handed Push-ups!!" with a small image of a soccer ball in the corner.
• At the end, click on the printer's green button to see Homestar's weight-loss DVD, titled "Tweesercize". The box reads:

>Tweesercize with Homestar Runner
>Loose weight?
>6 minutes long!!!

Fun Facts

Explanations

• Des Moines is the capital of Iowa.
• Strong Bad's opening intro is similar to one of the many songs schoolgirls often chant while jumping rope.
• "Tejas" ("TEH-has") is an accepted Spanish spelling and pronunciation of Texas. Strong Bad has also used this pronunciation facetiously in boring (really) and property of ones, and Homestar used it in Puppets on the Road.
• The pattern of dots on Strong Bad's comic simulates Benday dots. This technique is also used in The Castlefunnies (featured in old comics).
• "Trig" is short for trigonometry, a mathematics course.

Remarks

• Strong Bad says in this email that he is "obligated by law" to do anything asked of him in a "stupid email", whereas in sibbie, he said, "I'm not here to fulfill your every freakin' whim!"
• This is the first time Strong Bad visibly perspires, thus giving a better impression of his mask actually being more flesh-like.
• While Strong Bad may not be able to do push-ups, he was able to literally throw Homestar and The King of Town out of his house in secret identity. He was also able to knock Homestar senseless in car.
• This is another instance of The Paper not coming down normally, this time being shown coming out of what appears to be an Epson L-1000 dot matrix printer. The first time The Paper appeared out of a printer was in Email Processing Room.
• The "1:00" part of the scoreboard doesn't have a screen - it just appears on the surface.
• The Gymnasium's mat is blue in this email. However, in montage, the mat was red. These may just be roll-out mats, and the different colors represent different purposes.
• Strong Bad previously said that The Cheat was not that cute in huttah!.

Goofs

• Marzipan's scissors (presumably pinking shears due to the zigzag pattern cut in the envelope) do not close properly; their handles touch before the blades run past each other.

Fixed Glitches

• Nothing would happen when you clicked "Back" at the end. This has been fixed.

Inside References

• The score counter going negative refers to an Easter egg in montage.
  • Negative scores also happen to Strong Bad in for kids. At the beginning of the email, he is playing Peasant's Quest, in which he has a negative score.
• Strong Bad locking The Cheat in the dryer is a reference to 2 years.
• This is another appearance of the BMW Lighter.
• The phrase "All up ons" originated in suntan.
• Homestar repeatedly says to "Twees it out".
• This is another appearance of Preeeeow, the onomatopoeia describing The Paper's sound effect.
• Homestar's "back in the wash" line mirrors his dance in Halloween Potion-ma-jig.
• Bubs mentioned his own "lady fans" in the process.
• The music playing during Homestar's exercise video is the opening of i think i have a chance with this guy from Strong Bad Sings and Other Type Hits.
• The scores of -1 and -51 are irregular scores.

Real-World References

• The soap-opera-type comic pokes fun at dramatic comics that are meant to be taken seriously. Common examples include Mary Worth and Rex Morgan, M.D., which are found in many newspaper comics pages.
  • The panel with the sea turtle is a reference to the drama/information comic strip Mark Trail.
• The organ music that accompanies the comic hearkens back to the soundtracks of the radio and early television soap operas of the 1920s through the 1970s. They would almost always consist of a solo organ playing melodramatic mood music.
• Strong Bad saying, "I'm gonna go ahead and need you to..." is a play on the catchphrase of boss Bill Lumbergh from the film Office Space.
• "Wretched Simmons" is a reference to fitness guru Richard Simmons.
• The Iron Sheik is a wrestler, and a former WWF Champion in the 1980s.
• The way Strong Bad pronounces 'Houston' is the same as General Zod in Superman II.
• Homestar's "buttweesimo" is probably a reference to Jake Steinfeld, the founder of Body By Jake, who frequently mentions "working the ol' buttisimo" in his infomercials and books.
  • The Italian suffix -issimo is used as a superlative. Taken literally, "buttissimo" or "buttweesimo" would mean "the most butt", which could further be interpreted as "the largest butt".
• "Tweesercize" is a reference to Jazzercise, a popular exercise program that combines jazz dance with aerobic workouts. Homestar's outfit (particularly the leg-warmers) more specifically represents a fitness style popular in the '80s.
• The "six minutes long" sticker on Homestar's fitness video is likely a reference to "Eight Minute Abs", a fitness video that offers an exercise program that supposedly allows you to tone your abdominal muscles in a matter of weeks while working out for only eight minutes a day.

Fast Forward

• Homestar would again wear his exercise clothes in Strongest Man in the World.
• The Paper's printer was later seen in the paper.
• Cat Mess later appears as the sponsor of a pet show, the Cat Mess Inbredtational Pet Show.

DVD Version

• The DVD version features creators' commentary. To access it, switch your DVD player's audio language selection while watching.

Commentary Transcript

(Commentary by: Mike Chapman, Homestar Runner, Ryan Sterritt)

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey you guys, it's, it's m— Homestar.

MIKE: Hi Homestar.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hi Ryan.

RYAN: Hi Homestar.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Okay. Now, this is my very best email.

MIKE: Uhh?

RYAN: Your email?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, well, I'm— I'm all over this one. It's clearly a Homestar-themed email.

{pause}

MIKE: This—

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Guys, come on, you gotta work with me here. {Mike and Ryan laugh} I need something to play off of.

MIKE: You say "Tejas".

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I do.

MIKE: {overlapping} Tejas.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {inaudible} "You old Tejas." Oh-oh, that's a good— did you draw those, Mike?

MIKE: I did.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: That's some good— uh, Mark Trail lookin'—

MIKE: I always used to force myself to read Rex Morgan, and uh, Mary Worth, some of those boring soap opera comics, just so I could say I read the whole funny pages.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I bet you said that on the commentary for the "old comics" email.

MIKE: I might have! Although, "old comics", tho—those kind, Beetle Bailey and stuff, I used to enjoy.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah. {pause} Um... what'd that turtle say? That turtle was talking to me.

MIKE: I don't— I wasn't paying attention.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: That's a pretty hot turtle.

MIKE: {laughing, imitating Homestar} Toutle?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Turtle. {Mike laughs} When the turtles ruled China.

MIKE: So is this the gym? Where is this exactly, Homestar? I've never been sure.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {overlapping} Yeah. This is— It's the gym.

MIKE: The auditorium?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: You're blindfolded before they let you in there, every time. {laughs} So I don't know what building I'm in.

MIKE: {overlapping} You don't know where it is?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I dunno if it's in somebody's house. But, they changed the color of that mat.

MIKE: Sometimes it's red.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Right now, this is the aerobics mat.

MIKE: Yeah, the red one's the karate or wrestling mat.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {overlapping} Not the wrestling— right. I'm the best. Around. Whoa, Strong Bad's just sweated.

MIKE: Yeah.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I don't think he's ever done that before. {short pause} I'd like to hear from Ryan.

RYAN: Oh look! That's a nice little outfit you've got.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Thanks! It's my— my... not— not— it's not a leotard. It's um... L—Leonard. Tard.

RYAN: Leg warmers.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Um. The Iron Sheik... is missing some teeth.

MIKE: {overlapping} I saw the Iron Sheik— I saw him at, uh, my brother-in-law's college graduation.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh yeah?

MIKE: Yeah.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: How was he doing then?

MIKE: Well, he was— {laughing} he was wearing curly shoes.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {abruptly} Look at The Cheat! What happened to him? Where's his mouth? {The Cheat begins to turn green} Whoa. {Strong Bad shuts the dryer door} Ew, gross.

MIKE: There was his— There was his mouth.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: That's disgusting. {pause} Ew! Was that puke water?!

MIKE: No, that wa— he must have dumped some green water right then.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I bet— he better have!

MIKE: Yeah. It wasn't puke water.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: This is getting PG... 15! {pause} Jonathan Howe!

MIKE: Oh, Jonathan Howe is a big fan of Cat Mess.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: You think, so, is it supposed to collect cat mess, or is it just a bag full of cat mess?

MIKE: It's— it's both.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I'd definitely take a bag of cat mess over a bag of dog mess. {Mike laughs} Any day, I tell you what. Or ferret mess for that matter. {short pause} That's a good lookin', uh, hot glue gun. {pause until Marzipan calls Strong Bad a "horse's twees"} Ooo! Mar-zi-pan! That's some strong—

MIKE: You like it when she's saucy like that?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: That's some strong {Spanish accent} languaje.

MIKE: Some what? {laughing}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Lang-gwah-hay. You old Tejas.

MIKE: That looks kinda like Moe Howard.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: It does. It looks just like Moe from the Three Stooges.

MIKE: {overlapping} Instead of a bowl, he's got a little flip-a-doo at the end.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: He's got the same... chin.

{pause}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {sees the comic drawing of The Printer} Is that what it looks like?

Fun Facts

• Mike did, in fact, mention challenging himself to read every newspaper comic in the commentary for "old comics".
  • Beetle Bailey is a comic strip that has been published since 1950. Unlike the other soap opera comics mentioned, Beetle Bailey is a humorous gag-a-day strip.
• Homestar claiming to be "the best... around" is a reference to the song "You're the Best", as made famous by the film The Karate Kid; Homestar had previously appeared in the gymnasium (on the red karate mat) wearing an outfit inspired by that movie in montage.
• Homestar mentioning "PG-15" is a reference to the PG-13 movie rating.
• Jonathan Howe is mentioned.
• Moe Howard from The Three Stooges is mentioned.

External Links

• watch "lady fan"
• watch "lady fan" on the old Flash site
• view the Flash file for "lady fan"
• forum thread re: "lady fan"