Subtitles sbemail176/en

WM0

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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="sbemail176.swf" width="550" height="400">
<line start="16" end="49" speaker="strongbad">Step one! You check an email down.</line>
<line start="50" end="89" speaker="strongbad">Step two! You tell some kid he's a dork!</line>
<line start="90" end="144" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Strongbad, In fifth grade I have to watch a lame hygiene movie.</line>
<line start="145" end="199" speaker="strongbad">"I was thinking you could make a better movie about hygiene than the cruddy school version.</line>
<line start="200" end="249" speaker="strongbad">"Your friend, John Katu-lalalalalalala."</line>
<line start="250" end="316" speaker="strongbad">Fifth grade boys?!  Man, what happened to the hot college girls that used to email me?</line>
<line start="317" end="361" speaker="strongbad">You ladies stop your be-pantied pillowfighting and drop me a line!</line>
<line start="362" end="414" speaker="strongbad">Yeah, I suppose I could make a cruddy hygiene movie for you John.</line>
<line start="415" end="495" speaker="strongbad">But wouldn't it be so much more satisfying to make a cruddy hygiene movie <i>about</i> you?</line>
<line start="496" end="517" sfx="sfx">music</line>
<line start="518" end="553"><sfx>music</sfx><!--<text>Embarassing Educational Films</text>--></line>
<line start="554" end="567"><sfx>music</sfx><!--<text>Embarassing Educational Films<br />Presents</text>--></line>
<line start="568" end="606"><sfx>music</sfx><!--<text>Lesson 1:<br />Say 'hi' to hygiene</text>--></line>
<line start="607" end="628" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Meet John.</line>
<line start="629" end="659" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">John is a cruddy fifth grader.</line>
<line start="660" end="677" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Hi John.</line>
<line start="678" end="710" speaker="homestar">I'm a latchkey champion.</line>
<line start="711" end="792" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Meet Gene.  Gene is a beacon of light, shining through the stink-cloud generated by John.</line>
<line start="793" end="812" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Hi Gene!</line>
<line start="813" end="833" speaker="strongbad">TGIG, y'all!</line>
<line start="834" end="859" speaker="strongbad">TGIG, y'all!<br />Thank God I'm Gene!</line>
<line start="864" end="877" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Gene is popular, <span style="visibility:hidden">and doesn't get good grades.</span></line>
<line start="878" end="905" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Gene is popular, and doesn't get good grades.</line>
<line start="910" end="944" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">John has no friends and sits in the front row.</line>
<line start="952" end="980" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">What is John missing that Gene has,</line>
<line start="981" end="1000" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">What is John missing that Gene has,<br />besides rich parents?</line>
<line start="1002" end="1027" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">That's right, hygiene!</line>
<line start="1028" end="1046" speaker="strongbad">Hi, gals.</line>
<line start="1047" end="1108" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">"Hygiene" is defined as "how close people are willing to stand next to you".</line>
<line start="1111" end="1143" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">John wears shabby clothes that smell like</line>
<line start="1144" end="1167" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">chocolate milk with a stomach virus.</line>
<line start="1170" end="1187" speaker="homestar" sfx="sfx">blows nose</line>
<line start="1191" end="1194" sfx="sfx">splat</line>
<line start="1196" end="1224" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Gene's mom buys all his clothes, <span style="visibility:hidden">but she's young and hot enough for that to be okay.</span></line>
<line start="1225" end="1264" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Gene's mom buys all his clothes, but she's young and hot enough for that to be okay.</line>
<line start="1265" end="1295" speaker="other" voiceover="voiceover">Mommy's got a grown-up headache, Genie!</line>
<line start="1297" end="1325" speaker="other" voiceover="voiceover">Why don't you take the boat out for a while?</line>
<line start="1329" end="1369" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Every morning, John wakes up and forgets to wash his <span style="visibility:hidden">STUPID, DUMB, STINKING, FAT, SMELLY, STUPID, DU-</span></line>
<line start="1370" end="1381" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Every morning, John wakes up and forgets to wash his STUPID, <span style="visibility:hidden">DUMB, STINKING, FAT, SMELLY, STUPID, DU-</span></line>
<line start="1382" end="1387" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Every morning, John wakes up and forgets to wash his STUPID, DUMB, <span style="visibility:hidden">STINKING, FAT, SMELLY, STUPID, DU-</span></line>
<line start="1388" end="1395" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Every morning, John wakes up and forgets to wash his STUPID, DUMB, STINKING, <span style="visibility:hidden">FAT, SMELLY, STUPID, DU-</span></line>
<line start="1396" end="1403" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Every morning, John wakes up and forgets to wash his STUPID, DUMB, STINKING, FAT, <span style="visibility:hidden">SMELLY, STUPID, DU-</span></line>
<line start="1404" end="1412" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Every morning, John wakes up and forgets to wash his STUPID, DUMB, STINKING, FAT, SMELLY, <span style="visibility:hidden">STUPID, DU-</span></line>
<line start="1413" end="1419" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Every morning, John wakes up and forgets to wash his STUPID, DUMB, STINKING, FAT, SMELLY, STUPID, <span style="visibility:hidden">DU-</span></line>
<line start="1420" end="1422" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Every morning, John wakes up and forgets to wash his STUPID, DUMB, STINKING, FAT, SMELLY, STUPID, DU-</line>
<line start="1423" end="1458" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Every morning, the radiant energy from Gene's face...</line>
<line start="1459" end="1486" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">...powers this small light bulb.</line>
<line start="1489" end="1496" sfx="sfx">buzz</line>
<line start="1504" end="1536" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">John's mouth is an ecological train wreck,</line>
<line start="1537" end="1588" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">and has a nest of rare, South American moths living inside.</line>
<line start="1590" end="1597" speaker="homestar" sfx="sfx">burp</line>
<line start="1600" end="1639" speaker="homestar">Now, you be back before din-din, Chauncey.</line>
<line start="1642" end="1670" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Gene's mouth is a national park,</line>
<line start="1671" end="1727" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">and his saliva is <i>sold</i> in South America as a wonder drug.</line>
<line start="1729" end="1763" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">John leaves food out all over his room,</line>
<line start="1764" end="1800" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">and a family of squatters has taken up residence in a <span style="visibility:hidden">nearby laundry cave.</span></line>
<line start="1801" end="1823" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">and a family of squatters has taken up residence in a nearby laundry cave.</line>
<line start="1830" end="1873" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover"><i>Gene's</i> room has a sixteen-car pileup of race car beds,</line>
<line start="1874" end="1913" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">and a family of ten maids and special effects artists</line>
<line start="1914" end="1949" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">keep it realistically smoldering and burning!</line>
<line start="1957" end="1994" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Oh. They also live in a nearby cave.</line>
<line start="1995" end="2034" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">What can John do to change his hygiene?</line>
<line start="2037" end="2052" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Nothing, at this point.</line>
<line start="2056" end="2083" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">By fifth grade the damage is already done...</line>
<line start="2084" end="2128" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">...and everyone will remember him as a smelly loser no matter what he does.</line>
<line start="2132" end="2170" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">He'll probably have to wait and go to an out-of-state college,</line>
<line start="2171" end="2192" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">where he can reinvent himself.</line>
<line start="2193" end="2214" speaker="homestar">Hooray!</line>
<line start="2215" end="2254" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Gene, on the other hand, better keep up the status quo.</line>
<line start="2258" end="2280" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">If he slips up the slightest bit</line>
<line start="2281" end="2325" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">and gets lice or has an accident at school,</line>
<line start="2329" end="2392" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Those fifth graders will descend on him like a ravenous pack of hygiene wolves,</line>
<line start="2393" end="2430" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">and tear him <i>to shreds.</i></line>
<line start="2431" end="2448" speaker="strongbad">Hooray?</line>
<line start="2453" end="2456" speaker="strongbad" sfx="sfx">gulp</line>
<line start="2458" end="2471" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Bye, Gene!</line>
<line start="2476" end="2540" sfx="sfx">music</line>
<line start="2541" end="2570"><sfx>music</sfx><!--<text>Lesson 2:<br />Pants Problems</text>--></line>
<line start="2571" end="2573" sfx="sfx">static</line>
<line start="2574" end="2601" speaker="strongbad">Okay, John, all done.</line>
<line start="2602" end="2622" speaker="strongbad">I hope your classmates like my video.</line>
<line start="2628" end="2689" speaker="strongbad">And don't worry, in 8 or 9 years, you can just hide behind your new identity as a...</line>
<line start="2690" end="2708" speaker="strongbad">...raver, <span style="visibility:hidden">a greaser, or a whatever ancient Egyptian teenagers called themselves.</span></line>
<line start="2709" end="2725" speaker="strongbad">...raver, a greaser, <span style="visibility:hidden">or a whatever ancient Egyptian teenagers called themselves.</span></line>
<line start="2726" end="2739" speaker="strongbad">...raver, a greaser, or a <span style="visibility:hidden">whatever ancient Egyptian teenagers called themselves.</span></line>
<line start="2740" end="2782" speaker="strongbad">...raver, a greaser, or a whatever ancient Egyptian teenagers called themselves.</line>
<line start="2783" end="2797" speaker="strongbad">Now get outta here!</line>
<line start="2798" end="2843" speaker="strongbad">None of the college hotties'll show up if you're hanging around, Mothmouth.</line>
<line start="2848" end="2880" speaker="newpaper">shuffling noises</line>
<!--<line start="2881" end="2899" speaker="text">Calibration Test</line>-->
<line start="2900" end="2917" speaker="strongbad">You know, New Paper,</line>
<line start="2918" end="2961" speaker="strongbad">You keep sucking just enough to stay interesting.</line>
<line start="2969" end="2979" speaker="coachz">I love it!</line>
<line start="2980" end="3010" speaker="coachz">Where can I get me some of this hygiene?</line>
<line start="3011" end="3055" speaker="strongbad">You know, for a guy that lives about ten feet from a bunch of showers,</line>
<line start="3056" end="3085" speaker="strongbad">You know, for a guy that lives about ten feet from a bunch of showers,<br />you'd think you'd be a little more familiar.</line>
<line start="3086" end="3098" speaker="coachz">What showers?</line>
<line start="3101" end="3151" speaker="strongbad">Uh, that big tiled room with all the shower heads coming out of the wall?</line>
<line start="3152" end="3188" speaker="coachz">I thought thems were my drippy, broken speakers!</line>
<line start="3189" end="3232" speaker="coachz">I got mad four-inch tweeters, B!</line>
</transcript>