Subtitles sbemail155/en

WM0

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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="sbemail155.swf" width="550" height="400">
<line start="17" end="79" speaker="strongbad">When email comes to town, you know, you know, it's like a rainstorm... in your browser.</line>
<line start="89" end="142" speaker="strongbad">"Dear Super Bad, it bugs me how your email show doesn't have a theme song."</line>
<line start="143" end="188" speaker="strongbad">"If it did have a theme song, your show would be a whole lot cooler."</line>
<line start="189" end="238" speaker="strongbad">"Jonathan Shaheeeeen! On-ta-<em>ree</em>-oh, Cah-nah-<em>dah</em>."</line>
<line start="239" end="270" speaker="strongbad">Oooh, a little south of the border flavor.</line>
<line start="273" end="289" speaker="strongbad">Dear Supper Bag,</line>
<line start="291" end="341" speaker="strongbad">It bugs <i>me</i> how your face doesn't have a not tons of acne.</line>
<line start="343" end="394" speaker="strongbad">If it did have a not tons of acne, <i>you</i> would be a whole lot cooler.</line>
<line start="404" end="439" speaker="strongbad">Look, you don't know what you're talking about, Shaheeeeeeeen!</line>
<line start="443" end="492" speaker="strongbad">Theme songs are just an excuse for showmakers to make less show.</line>
<line start="495" end="551" speaker="strongbad">I'm sure viewership would triple if I had one of those crappy cartoon theme songs</line>
<line start="552" end="598">
 <strongbad>that bludgeons you over the head with the blunt end of the show's premise.</strongbad>
 <sfx>cartoony music begins</sfx>
</line>
<line start="600" end="626" speaker="singers" voiceover="voiceover">Strong Bad is a wrestleman,</line>
<line start="627" end="657" speaker="singers" voiceover="voiceover">He's the email-checkinest guy in the land.</line>
<line start="660" end="686" speaker="singers" voiceover="voiceover">He checks real emails from the net,</line>
<line start="690" end="720" speaker="singers" voiceover="voiceover">He's got two brothers and The Cheat, his pet.</line>
<line start="721" end="739" speaker="singers" voiceover="voiceover">The Cheat, his pet!</line>
<line start="749" end="778" speaker="singers" voiceover="voiceover">There's nobody dumber than Homestar Runner on</line>
<line start="780" end="817" speaker="singers" voiceover="voiceover">The Strong Bad Email Show!</line>
<line start="830" end="840" speaker="sfx">music ends</line>
<line start="851" end="882" speaker="strongbad">And the ratings have gone through the roof.</line>
<line start="887" end="936" speaker="strongbad">And let's not forget the life-affirming pop-ballad type theme song.</line>
<line start="939" end="981" speaker="strongbad">Probably sung by some variety of Neville.</line>
<line start="986" end="1006" speaker="sfx">pop-ballad music begins</line>
<line start="1009" end="1053" speaker="singers" voiceover="voiceover">You and me, babe, livin' for dreams,</line>
<line start="1060" end="1099" speaker="singers" voiceover="voiceover">lifin' for love, drinkin' for free.</line>
<line start="1105" end="1150" speaker="singers" voiceover="voiceover">Sittin' on top of an old robot,</line>
<line start="1152" end="1194" speaker="singers" voiceover="voiceover">sharin' and carin' it out.</line>
<line start="1200" end="1220" speaker="singers" voiceover="voiceover">Memory's scrubbin' <em>(fades)</em> you down...</line>
<line start="1221" end="1270" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">And of course the best clips they show are from the un-aired pilot that you'll never see.</line>
<line start="1273" end="1315" speaker="singers">Memory scrubbing you down!</line>
<line start="1322" end="1398" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">And just when you think you finally get to start watching some of the actual show, now you get to watch a commercial!</line>
<line start="1408" end="1436" speaker="announcer" voiceover="voiceover">Do you make butt at your current job?</line>
<line start="1440" end="1464" speaker="announcer" voiceover="voiceover">Do you want to make twice butt?</line>
<line start="1470" end="1533" speaker="announcer" voiceover="voiceover">A shady online degree is just four clicks away at CGNU online e-niversity.</line>
<line start="1539" end="1563" speaker="announcer" voiceover="voiceover">Most colleges take four years to complete.</line>
<line start="1568" end="1607" speaker="announcer" voiceover="voiceover">At CGNU, one year equals one click.</line>
<line start="1620" end="1665" speaker="cardgage">I got fourteen degrees while on my lunch take.</line>
<line start="1667" end="1726" speaker="cardgage">Now I can legally prescribe marriages in the state of Kansattica.</line>
<line start="1730" end="1786" speaker="announcer" voiceover="voiceover">Enroll now, and join the e-niversity e-volution e-day.</line>
<line start="1790" end="1809" speaker="announcer" voiceover="voiceover">Uh, well, today.</line>
<line start="1817" end="1840" speaker="announcer" voiceover="voiceover">That last one didn't quite work out.</line>
<line start="1845" end="1873" speaker="announcer2" voiceover="voiceover">We'll be right back with more <cite>Strong Bad Emails</cite>.</line>
<line start="1881" end="1899" speaker="announcer3" voiceover="voiceover">Do you wanna cut your own arm off?</line>
<line start="1903" end="1917" speaker="baldingman">Huuuuaaaahuuuh...</line>
<line start="1921" end="1926" speaker="sfx">static</line>
<line start="1928" end="1942" speaker="strongbad">Now, don't worry.</line>
<line start="1946" end="1995" speaker="strongbad">Just in case you were hoping to get gipped out of another minute of actual show...</line>
<line start="1999" end="2043" speaker="strongbad">you get to hear the jazzy instrumental version over the end credits!</line>
<line start="2044" end="2067" speaker="sfx">instrumental pop-ballad music</line>
<line start="2073" end="2134" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">And on the off-chance that you actually wanted to hear the theme song... we've taken care of that, too.</line>
<line start="2139" end="2165" speaker="announcer4" voiceover="voiceover">Coming up later on <cite>Three is 4 Tonite</cite>:</line>
<line start="2169" end="2228" speaker="announcer4" voiceover="voiceover">Join Mandy, Brandy, Andy, and Scurge, as they learn how to give a care.</line>
<line start="2232" end="2280" speaker="announcer4" voiceover="voiceover">But first: they're tiny, they're toony, they're <i>all</i> a little loony.</line>
<line start="2283" end="2298" speaker="announcer4" voiceover="voiceover">It's the Cheat Commandos!</line>
<line start="2310" end="2328" speaker="strongbad">You see, Shaheeeeeeeen?</line>
<line start="2329" end="2393" speaker="strongbad">You're basically asking me to dedicate 2 minutes of my 3 to 5 minute email show,</line>
<line start="2396" end="2453" speaker="strongbad">to what is essentially a commercial for something you're already watching!</line>
<line start="2455" end="2510" speaker="strongbad">And besides, I give you people a new sbemail song every freakin' week.</line>
<line start="2515" end="2539" speaker="strongbad">Allow me to leave you with the old standard</line>
<line start="2543" end="2604" speaker="strongbad">'When Email Comes to Town, You Know, You Know, It's Like a Rainstorm... In Your Browser.'</line>
<line start="2610" end="2674" speaker="strongbad">When email comes to town, you know, you know, it's like a rainstorm... in your browser!</line>
<line start="2682" end="2698" speaker="thepaper">Preeow!</line>
<line start="2735" end="2757" speaker="announcer5" voiceover="voiceover">Next up on <cite>Powered By The Cheat</cite>:</line>
<line start="2760" end="2786" speaker="announcer5" voiceover="voiceover">Strong Mad gets his own talk show.</line>
<line start="2791" end="2830" speaker="announcer5" voiceover="voiceover">And his first guest is hilarity!</line>
</transcript>