Subtitles sbemail164/en

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These are the English subtitles for looking old. watch this toon To watch the toon with subtitles, we recommend that you install either the All-In-One Greasemonkey script for Firefox or the Homestar All-In-One extension for Chrome. It will give you the option to automatically display subtitles when you view toons on homestarrunner.com and those mirrored locally. Alternatively, you may use our local viewer.

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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="sbemail164.swf" width="550" height="400">
<line start="18" end="100" speaker="strongbad">Boom, tick. Tick-a-tick-a-tick, email. Boom, tick. Tick-a-tick-a-tick.</line>
<line start="101" end="133" speaker="strongbad">What? Didgeri-"Dear Strong Bad."</line>
<line start="133" end="174" speaker="strongbad">"You really do look old. How old are you anyways?"</line>
<line start="174" end="258" speaker="strongbad">"Your faithful fan, Andy", H-S-I-A-O, and sometimes Y, "from Taiwan."</line>
<line start="258" end="302" speaker="strongbad">Look Andyman, my age is a closely guarded secret,</line>
<line start="302" end="367" speaker="strongbad">protected by a sect of closely guarded monks high atop the Coches Mountains.</line>
<line start="367" end="416" speaker="strongbad">They would no sooner dance with a goat than divulge my age.</line>
<line start="416" end="455" speaker="strongbad">But they will bake you some crustly guarded bread!</line>
<line start="455" end="486" speaker="strongbad">Anyways, whattaya mean I look old?</line>
<line start="486" end="538" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Are you telling me the nightly nacho cheese masks aren't working?</line>
<line start="538" end="568" speaker="strongbad">I can't have the young peoples thinking I'm old!</line>
<line start="568" end="596" speaker="strongbad">Am I really losing the youth vote?</line>
<line start="596" end="640" speaker="strongbad">This calls for an <span style="font-size:1.1em">EMERGENCY MARKETING MEETING!!!</span></line>
<line start="640" end="685" speaker="strongbad">Whaaa-donk. Click-click-click-click-click-click-click.</line>
<line start="685" end="710" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">This is not a drill.</line>
<line start="710" end="770" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Whaaa-donk. Click-click-click-click-click-click-click. This is not a drill.</line>
<line start="775" end="812" speaker="strongbad">Thank you all for coming on short <em>such</em> notice.</line>
<line start="815" end="867" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">You represent the best, the brightest, the people I hate the least.</line>
<line start="867" end="915" speaker="strongbad">Except you, Marzipan. You're here because of legal reasons.</line>
<line start="915" end="930" speaker="marzipan">Word booty!</line>
<line start="930" end="965" speaker="strongbad">Now what I need is an image overhaul.</line>
<line start="965" end="1002" speaker="strongbad">Something to reconnect me with the youth of today.</line>
<line start="1002" end="1090" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Something that says, "Sup my young parsons, I too am so on the go that I drink my yogurt from a tube."</line>
<line start="1090" end="1108" speaker="strongbad">Now what have you got?</line>
<line start="1108" end="1128" speaker="thecheat">The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="1128" end="1154" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Youth through editing, huh?</line>
<line start="1155" end="1195" speaker="strongbad">I'm on board, I'm not bored. So, how would it work?</line>
<line start="1195" end="1208" speaker="thecheat">exclamatory The Cheat noises</line>
<line start="1208" end="1212" sfx="sfx">static</line>
<line start="1212" end="1228"><sfx>music begins</sfx><thecheat>humming The Cheat noises to a beat</thecheat></line>
<line start="1228" end="1239" speaker="strongbad">Didgeri-dear, <span style="visibility:hidden">Didgeri-dear, Didgeri-"Dear Strong Bad."</span><thecheat>humming The Cheat noises to a beat</thecheat></line>
<line start="1239" end="1250" speaker="strongbad">Didgeri-dear, Didgeri-dear, <span style="visibility:hidden">Didgeri-"Dear Strong Bad."</span><thecheat>humming The Cheat noises to a beat</thecheat></line>
<line start="1250" end="1270" speaker="strongbad">Didgeri-dear, Didgeri-dear, Didgeri-"Dear Strong Bad."<thecheat>humming The Cheat noises to a beat</thecheat></line>
<line start="1270" end="1285"><strongbad>"You really do look old."</strongbad><thecheat>humming The Cheat noises to a beat</thecheat></line>
<line start="1285" end="1312"><strongbad>"Your faithful fan, from Taiwan."</strongbad><thecheat>humming The Cheat noises to a beat</thecheat></line>
<line start="1312" end="1353"><strongbad>Look Andyman, my age is a closely guarded secret,</strongbad><thecheat>humming The Cheat noises to a beat</thecheat></line>
<line start="1353" end="1372"><strongbad sfx="sfx">backwards speech</strongbad><thecheat>humming The Cheat noises to a beat</thecheat></line>
<line start="1372" end="1400"><strongbad>Anyways, whattaya mean I look old?</strongbad><thecheat>humming The Cheat noises to a beat</thecheat></line>
<line start="1404" end="1408" sfx="sfx">static</line>
<line start="1408" end="1433" speaker="strongbad">Oh, The Cheat!</line>
<line start="1433" end="1479" speaker="strongbad">I don't know whether to puke or have a seizure.</line>
<line start="1479" end="1553" speaker="bubs">Well, I've been noticing how kids love anything with a lowercase "i" in front of it.</line>
<line start="1553" end="1600" speaker="bubs" voiceover="voiceover">It's working great for me down at the Concession Stand!</line>
<line start="1600" end="1648" speaker="homestar">Hey, Homestar. What color iTem are you gonna get?</line>
<line start="1648" end="1690" speaker="bubs">We could try "iStrong", or "iBad"--</line>
<line start="1690" end="1744" speaker="strongbad">We already tried that with lowercase "e"s back in the late '90s.</line>
<line start="1744" end="1770" speaker="strongbad">We all know where that got us.</line>
<line start="1810" end="1825" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Next.</line>
<line start="1825" end="1855" speaker="marzipan">I came up with a few ways to spruce up your look,</line>
<line start="1855" end="1886" speaker="marzipan">and add hundreds to your resell value.</line>
<line start="1886" end="1932" speaker="strongbad"><em>(monotone)</em> I am legally obligated to ask you to proceed.</line>
<line start="1932" end="1968" speaker="marzipan">Thanks. First we're gonna start with a flagstone path...</line>
<line start="1968" end="1993" speaker="marzipan" voiceover="voiceover">...leading up to your chin, right here.</line>
<line start="1993" end="2038" speaker="marzipan" voiceover="voiceover">Then we'll fill the negative space around your head with Forsythia...</line>
<line start="2038" end="2066" speaker="marzipan" voiceover="voiceover">...and maybe some Alberta spruce.</line>
<line start="2066" end="2096" speaker="marzipan" voiceover="voiceover">And last, we install a water feature right here...</line>
<line start="2096" end="2143" speaker="marzipan" voiceover="voiceover">...which I think will create a great focal point for entertaining summer guests.</line>
<line start="2154" end="2179" speaker="strongbad">Oh, this will work great, Marzipan...</line>
<line start="2180" end="2220" speaker="strongbad" volume="1.2">IF I WAS A <em>BACKYARD</em>!!!</line>
<line start="2230" end="2240" speaker="strongbad">Next.</line>
<line start="2246" end="2276" speaker="strongmad">WEAR A DIAPER!</line>
<line start="2276" end="2304" speaker="strongbad">Uh, nice try, bo-hwee-moth...</line>
<line start="2304" end="2342" speaker="strongbad">But... that's a little younger than I was looking to go.</line>
<line start="2342" end="2372" speaker="strongbad">These are all terrible ideas!</line>
<line start="2372" end="2400" speaker="strongbad">What am I not paying you people for, anyway?</line>
<line start="2400" end="2450" speaker="strongbad">It's time to resort to extreme measures. With Gene Hackman.</line>
<line start="2450" end="2482" speaker="strongbad">It's time... for a lace lift!</line>
<line start="2482" end="2517" speaker="strongbad">The Cheat! Strong Mad! Prep for surgery!</line>
<line start="2532" end="2558" speaker="strongbad">All right. On three.</line>
<line start="2558" end="2579" speaker="strongbad">One, two...</line>
<line start="2579" end="2595" speaker="strongbad">Aaahhhhh!</line>
<line start="2595" end="2643" speaker="strongbad"><em>(mumbling)</em> Oh, yeah. I feel at least 10 years younger.</line>
<line start="2643" end="2700" speaker="strongbad"><em>(mumbling)</em> Time to go relate to some eighteen to twenty-four year olds!</line>
<line start="2718" end="2751" speaker="strongbad"><em>(mumbling)</em> What's up, my fellow young parson!</line>
<line start="2751" end="2791" speaker="strongsad">Oh, hey Great Grandma. When did you get here?</line>
<line start="2791" end="2872" speaker="strongbad"><em>(mumbling)</em> I'm not Great Grandma. I'm a young person, like you. I eat my yogurt from a tube.</line>
<line start="2872" end="2918" speaker="strongsad">That's right! You eat <em>everything</em> through a tube!</line>
<line start="2918" end="2945" speaker="strongsad">Well, let's get you back to the home.</line>
<line start="2945" end="2983" speaker="strongbad"><em>(mumbling)</em> Wait! I'm a hip young person!</line>
<line start="2983" end="3025" speaker="strongsad">Yes, I saw your new hip! It looks great!</line>
<line start="3025" end="3035" speaker="strongbad"><em>(mumbling)</em> Aaahhhh!</line>
<line start="3035" end="3105" speaker="strongsad">Why don't you tell me again about the time the Depression fought Abraham Lincoln naked in your front yard?</line>
<line start="3105" end="3113" speaker="thepaper">Preeeeow!</line>
<line start="3168" end="3198" speaker="homestar">I'll take it! I'll take twelve!</line>
</transcript>