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Subtitles aprilfools2014/en

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These are the English subtitles for April Fool 2014. watch this toon

To watch the toon with subtitles, we recommend that you install either the All-In-One Greasemonkey script for Firefox or the Homestar All-In-One extension for Chrome.
It will give you the option to automatically display subtitles when you view toons on homestarrunner.com and those mirrored locally. Alternatively, you may use our local viewer.

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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="aprilfools_2014_final.swf" width="700" height="400">
  <line start="30" end="80">
    <sfx>goopy sound</sfx>
    <sfx>wind howling</sfx>
    </line>
  <line start="80" end="105">
    <sfx>drip</sfx>
    <homestar sfx="sfx">sigh</homestar>
    </line>
  <line start="105" end="132" speaker="homestar" volume="0.8">You got this, Homestar. This is nothin'.</line>
  <line start="132" end="158" speaker="homestar" volume="0.8">Just like fallin' off a web van.</line>
  <line start="158" end="164" speaker="sfx">lights turning on</line>
  <line start="164" end="179" speaker="homestar">Oh, hello, Debra! <span style="visibility:hidden;">Simone! The Internet!</span></line>
  <line start="179" end="189" speaker="homestar">Oh, hello, Debra! Simone! <span style="visibility:hidden;">The Internet!</span></line>
  <line start="189" end="205" speaker="homestar">Oh, hello, Debra! Simone! The Internet!</line>
  <line start="205" end="256" speaker="homestar">I am what you might call Homestar Runner.</line>
  <line start="256" end="280" speaker="homestar" volume="0.8">Yaaaay! </line>
  <line start="280" end="337" speaker="homestar">Over the last several years of my dot com, peoples all the time be askin' me: </line>
  <line start="337" end="370" speaker="homestar">"Hey Homestar! How come you stopped updating—"</line>
  <line start="370" end="394" speaker="homestar" sfx="sfx">coughing and sputtering</line>
  <line start="394" end="440" speaker="homestar">Ahem! Sorry, got some crab shell stuck in my throat.</line>
  <line start="440" end="498" speaker="homestar">Continuing. "How come you stopped updating the best feature on your website?" </line>
  <line start="498" end="519" speaker="homestar">And to that I answer: </line>
  <line start="519" end="580" speaker="homestar">"You mean how come I stopped updating the Hairstyle Runner gallery back in the year 2000?" </line>
  <line start="580" end="627" speaker="homestar">I don't know! Let's go update it right now, Joshy!</line>
  <line start="651" end="670" speaker="homestar">Yup. You guessed it. </line>
  <line start="670" end="689">
    <homestar>Peow!</homestar>
    <sfx>footsteps</sfx>
    </line>
  <line start="689" end="701" speaker="sfx">drip</line>
  <line start="710" end="725" speaker="sfx">footsteps</line>
  <line start="731" end="782" speaker="homestar">Whoa-hoa-hoa! Hello there, magnificent specimen. </line>
  <line start="788" end="805" speaker="homestar">Poink!</line>
  <line start="805" end="815" speaker="sfx">splat</line>
  <line start="815" end="853" speaker="homestar">That's better. Let's get started.</line>
  <line start="853" end="921" speaker="homestar" voiceover="voiceover">This one from Cherry G. makes the back of my head look like some kind of bold eagle.</line>
  <line start="921" end="942" speaker="homestar" voiceover="voiceover">laughing</line>
  <line start="942" end="997" speaker="homestar">He's so bold in his... in his decision making!</line>
  <line start="997" end="1041" speaker="homestar">Oh-ho! He's our national bold!</line>
  <line start="1041" end="1074" speaker="homestar">Ohhh man! What fun!</line>
  <line start="1074" end="1113" speaker="homestar" voiceover="voiceover">Here's one from D. Lindo that simply has the letter—</line>
  <line start="1113" end="1145" speaker="homestar" voiceover="voiceover" sfx="sfx">snickering</line>
  <line start="1145" end="1176" speaker="homestar" sfx="sfx">breaks out laughing</line>
  <line start="1176" end="1206"><homestar>It's the letter—</homestar><sfx>snickering</sfx></line>
  <line start="1206" end="1229" speaker="homestar">Pom Pom, ya gotta see this! </line>
  <line start="1229" end="1257" speaker="homestar">It's the letter P! <span style="visibility:hidden;">Followed by a period!<sfx>laughing</sfx></span></line>
  <line start="1257" end="1307"> <homestar>It's the letter P! Followed by a period!</homestar><sfx>laughing</sfx></line>
  <line start="1307" end="1342">
    <homestar>Who puts a period after the letter P?!</homestar>
    <sfx>kicking</sfx>
    </line>
  <line start="1342" end="1397" speaker="homestar">Ohh man, I'm gonna stand back up. I'm'a stand back up right now. </line>
  <line start="1397" end="1442" speaker="homestar">Whew! I am on a roll! What else can we update?</line>
  <line start="1442" end="1475">
    <homestar>I know! Let's bring everybody's favorite old-timey cartoons into the modern age!</homestar>
    <span style="visibility:hidden;"><sfx>Old-Timey music</sfx></span>
    </line>
  <line start="1475" end="1507">
    <homestar>I know! Let's bring everybody's favorite old-timey cartoons into the modern age!</homestar>
    <sfx>Old-Timey music</sfx>
    </line>
  <line start="1507" end="1529">
    <homestar>With my patented <span style="visibility:hidden;">Colorarization!</span></homestar>
    <span style="visibility:hidden;"><sfx>harp</sfx></span>
    </line>
  <line start="1529" end="1553">
    <homestar>With my patented Colorarization!</homestar>
    <sfx>harp</sfx>
    </line>
  <line start="1555" end="1595"><sfx>very distorted</sfx> <sicklysam>Am I up with the times?</sicklysam></line>
  <line start="1595" end="1658"><sfx>very distorted</sfx> <thehomestar>Sorry, Sickly Sam. You're an affront to God and man!</thehomestar></line>
  <line start="1658" end="1679" speaker="sfx">pafh</line>
  <line start="1679" end="1721" speaker="homestar"><sfx>eating</sfx><homestar>Oh, man, these updates are great! Let's keep going!</homestar></line>
  <line start="1721" end="1770" speaker="homestar">Ooh, how's about some new words for the old Homestar Talker?</line>
  <line start="1770" end="1778">
    <sfx>pop</sfx>
    <span style="visibility:hidden;"><sfx>punch sound effect</sfx>
    <sfx>splat</sfx></span></line>
  <line start="1778" end="1784">
    <sfx>pop</sfx>
    <sfx>punch sound effect</sfx>
    <span style="visibility:hidden;"><sfx>splat</sfx></span></line>
  <line start="1784" end="1790">
    <sfx>pop</sfx>
    <sfx>punch sound effect</sfx>
    <sfx>splat</sfx></line>
  <line start="1790" end="1808">
    <sfx>click</sfx>
    <homestar>Kitchenette!</homestar></line>
  <line start="1808" end="1825">
    <sfx>clicks</sfx>
    <homestar>Strong Bad. <span style="visibility:hidden;">Is. Making. Draconian. Marshmallow. Poink.</span></homestar>
    </line>
  <line start="1825" end="1833">
    <sfx>clicks</sfx>
    <homestar>Strong Bad. Is. <span style="visibility:hidden;">Making. Draconian. Marshmallow. Poink.</span></homestar>
    </line>
  <line start="1833" end="1841">
    <sfx>clicks</sfx>
    <homestar>Strong Bad. Is. Making. <span style="visibility:hidden;">Draconian. Marshmallow. Poink.</span></homestar>
    </line>
  <line start="1841" end="1860">
    <sfx>clicks</sfx>
    <homestar>Strong Bad. Is. Making. Draconian. <span style="visibility:hidden;">Marshmallow. Poink.</span></homestar>
    </line>
  <line start="1860" end="1881">
    <sfx>clicks</sfx>
    <homestar>Strong Bad. Is. Making. Draconian. Marshmallow. <span style="visibility:hidden;">Poink.</span></homestar>
    </line>   
  <line start="1881" end="1892">
    <sfx>clicks</sfx>
    <homestar>Strong Bad. Is. Making. Draconian. Marshmallow. Poink.</homestar>
    </line>
  <line start="1892" end="1946" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Draconian marshmallow poink?! Oh, that is it!!</line>
  <line start="1946" end="1985" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">I'm going to appear onscreen! Now.</line>
  <line start="1985" end="2007">
    <sfx>clicks</sfx>
    <homestar>All riiiiight!</homestar>
    </line>
  <line start="2010" end="2027" speaker="homestar">Oh! Hi, Simone!</line>
  <line start="2027" end="2089" speaker="strongbad">This is clearly not what they meant when they asked about updating the website's best feature!</line>
  <line start="2089" end="2140" speaker="homestar">Uhhhh... yeah, it is. It's all the best junk from my dot com!</line>
  <line start="2140" end="2177" speaker="strongbad">Oh yeah? Well what about...</line>
  <line start="2177" end="2190">
    <sfx>typing</sfx> 
    <strongbad>strongbad_<span style="visibility:hidden;">eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee_windows98desktoptheme!</span></strongbad>
    </line>
  <line start="2190" end="2199">
    <sfx>typing</sfx> 
    <strongbad>strongbad_eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee_<span style="visibility:hidden;">windows98desktoptheme!</span></strongbad>
    </line>
  <line start="2199" end="2228">
    <sfx>typing</sfx> 
    <strongbad>strongbad_eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee_windows98desktoptheme!</strongbad>
    </line>
  <line start="2228" end="2241" speaker="other">
    <sfx>5.25 floppy loading</sfx>
    <span style="visibility:hidden;"><sfx>in Strong Bad's early voice</sfx>
    Hello, stupid, and welcome to your crappy computer!</span>
    </line>
  <line start="2241" end="2289" speaker="other">
    <sfx>5.25 floppy loading</sfx>
    <sfx>in Strong Bad's early voice</sfx>
    Hello, stupid, and welcome to your crappy computer!
    </line>
  <line start="2289" end="2367" speaker="strongbad">Whoa! Sounded good there! I had a lot more wrestling mask in my accent back then.</line>
  <line start="2367" end="2407" speaker="strongbad">Let's update that jank! C'mere, System Mic!</line>
  <line start="2407" end="2422" speaker="sfx">mechanical noises</line>
  <line start="2422" end="2460" speaker="strongbad">Windows 98 system startup sound, go!</line>
  <line start="2460" end="2513" speaker="strongbad">Ongggg, doodle-ing! Ding ding ding ding!</line>
  <line start="2513" end="2558" speaker="strongbad">Welcome to Windows 98. </line>
  <line start="2558" end="2605" speaker="strongbad" volume="1.5">WHY ARE YOU STILL USING WINDOWS 98??! <span style="visibility:hidden;">WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??!! STOP BUYING COMPUTERS FROM THRIFT STORES, MAN!!</span></line>
  <line start="2605" end="2637" speaker="strongbad" volume="1.5">WHY ARE YOU STILL USING WINDOWS 98??! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??!! <span style="visibility:hidden;">STOP BUYING COMPUTERS FROM THRIFT STORES, MAN!!</span></line>
  <line start="2637" end="2683" speaker="strongbad" volume="1.5">WHY ARE YOU STILL USING WINDOWS 98??! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??!! STOP BUYING COMPUTERS FROM THRIFT STORES, MAN!!</line>
  <line start="2683" end="2701" speaker="homestar" voiceover="voiceover">'Scuse me, Strong Bad.</line>
  <line start="2701" end="2764" speaker="homestar">Wanna help me record a duet of my classic Win98 System Shutdown song?</line>
  <line start="2764" end="2783" speaker="strongbad">Oh, I dunno...</line>
  <line start="2783" end="2812" speaker="homestar">Oh, come on, folks, who wants to hear it?</line>
  <line start="2812" end="2865">
    <sfx>crowd cheering</sfx>
    <homestar>On this stage tonight, the two great guys back together!</homestar>
    </line>
  <line start="2865" end="2880" speaker="strongbad">I mean I couldn't possibly... <span style="visibility:hidden;">I couldn't think to want to... and <sfx>unintelligible</sfx></span> </line>
  <line start="2880" end="2901" speaker="strongbad">I mean I couldn't possibly... I couldn't think to want to... <span style="visibility:hidden;">and <sfx>unintelligible</sfx></span> </line>
  <line start="2901" end="2931"><strongbad>I mean I couldn't possibly... I couldn't think to want to... and</strongbad><sfx>unintelligible</sfx> </line>
  <line start="2931" end="2973" speaker="strongbad">Oh, very well. Hit it, Homestar!</line>
  <line start="2973" end="3009" speaker="homestar" volume="0.8">One, two, three, four, five...</line>
  <line start="3009" end="3029">
    <sfx>off-key</sfx>
    <homestar>And now the love!</homestar>
    <span style="visibility:hidden;"><sfx>music starts</sfx>
    <strongbad>And now the love!</strongbad></span>
    </line>
  <line start="3029" end="3037">
    <sfx>off-key</sfx>
    <homestar>And now the love!</homestar>
    <sfx>music starts</sfx>
    <span style="visibility:hidden;"><strongbad>And now the love!</strongbad></span>
    </line>
  <line start="3037" end="3060">
    <sfx>off-key</sfx>
    <homestar>And now the love!</homestar>
    <sfx>music starts</sfx>
    <strongbad>And now the love!</strongbad>
    </line>
  <line start="3060" end="3083">
    <homestar>That lasts forever!</homestar>
    <span style="visibility:hidden;"><strongbad>You know it's lasted forever!</strongbad></span>
    </line>
  <line start="3083" end="3115">
    <homestar>That lasts forever!</homestar>
    <strongbad>You know it's lasted forever!</strongbad>
    </line>
  <line start="3115" end="3129">
    <homestar>Has cooome—<span style="visibility:hidden;">to-</span></homestar>
    <span style="visibility:hidden;"><strongbad>Come down—to-</strongbad></span>
    </line>
  <line start="3129" end="3151">
    <homestar>Has cooome—<span style="visibility:hidden;">to-</span></homestar>
    <strongbad>Come down—<span style="visibility:hidden;">to-</span></strongbad>
    </line>
  <line start="3151" end="3158">
    <homestar>Has cooome—to-</homestar>
    <strongbad>Come down—<span style="visibility:hidden;">to-</span></strongbad>
    </line>
  <line start="3158" end="3164">
    <homestar>Has cooome—to-</homestar>
    <strongbad>Come down—to-</strongbad>
    </line>
  <line start="3164" end="3220">
    <homestar>-its eeeeeeeeeee...<span style="visibility:hidden;"> eeeeeeeenduh!</span></homestar>
    <strongbad>-its eeeeeeeeeee...<span style="visibility:hidden;"> eeeeeeeenduh!</span></strongbad>
    </line>
  <line start="3220" end="3254">
    <homestar>-its eeeeeeeeeee... eeeeeeeen<span style="visibility:hidden;">duh!</span></homestar>
    <strongbad>-its eeeeeeeeeee... eeeeeeeen<span style="visibility:hidden;">duh!</span></strongbad>
    </line>
  <line start="3254" end="3268">
    <homestar>-its eeeeeeeeeee... eeeeeeeenduh!</homestar>
    <strongbad>-its eeeeeeeeeee... eeeeeeeenduh!</strongbad>
    </line>
<!--<line start="3268" end="3289" speaker="other">It's now safe to turn off your computer.</line>-->
  <line start="3289" end="3318" speaker="homestar">Thanks for updatin' the website with me, Strong Bad!</line>
  <line start="3318" end="3367" speaker="strongbad">Yeah, that wasn't so bad! We should do this again soon.</line>
  <line start="3367" end="3400" speaker="homestar">Three years soon, or like five years soon?</line>
  <line start="3400" end="3414" speaker="strongbad">Y'know, five, <span style="visibility:hidden;">ten, fifteen, whate— whatever it takes.</span></line>
  <line start="3414" end="3423" speaker="strongbad">Y'know, five, ten, <span style="visibility:hidden;">fifteen, whate— whatever it takes.</span></line>
  <line start="3423" end="3428" speaker="strongbad">Y'know, five, ten, fifteen, <span style="visibility:hidden;">whate— whatever it takes.</span></line>
  <line start="3428" end="3442" speaker="strongbad">Y'know, five, ten, fifteen, whate— whatever it takes.</line>
  <line start="3463" end="3508" speaker="homestar">So what have you been up to, man? Haven't seen you in so long!</line>
  <line start="3508" end="3549" speaker="strongbad">Ah, you know how it is. Doin' a lot of side projects, <span style="visibility:hidden;">some consulting, maybe a little freelance.... </span></line>
  <line start="3549" end="3572" speaker="strongbad">Ah, you know how it is. Doin' a lot of side projects, some consulting, <span style="visibility:hidden;">maybe a little freelance.... </span></line>
  <line start="3572" end="3593" speaker="strongbad">Ah, you know how it is. Doin' a lot of side projects, some consulting, maybe a little freelance.... </line>
  <line start="3593" end="3640" speaker="strongbad" volume="0.8">Those are words that people say when they haven't actually been doing anything, right?</line>
  <line start="3640" end="3668" speaker="homestar">Yeah, yeah, cool! </line>
  <line start="3668" end="3714" speaker="homestar">I've been kinda like living inside of a bag. </line>
  <line start="3714" end="3735" speaker="homestar">Like a duffel bag.</line>
  <line start="3735" end="3771" speaker="strongbad">Oh! That's... great?</line>
  <line start="3771" end="3805" speaker="homestar">Yeah, yeah, I know, it's— it's great! It's got, like, <span style="visibility:hidden;">a zipper. And... some straps. </span></line>
  <line start="3805" end="3824" speaker="homestar">Yeah, yeah, I know, it's— it's great! It's got, like, a zipper. And... <span style="visibility:hidden;">some straps. </span></line>
  <line start="3824" end="3844" speaker="homestar">Yeah, yeah, I know, it's— it's great! It's got, like, a zipper. And... some straps. </line>
  <line start="3844" end="3885" speaker="homestar">Maybe some kind of fungus growing in it. </line>
  <line start="3885" end="3914" speaker="homestar">So basically, you know, <span style="visibility:hidden;">top of my game!</span></line> 
  <line start="3914" end="3935" speaker="homestar">So basically, you know, top of my game!</line> 
</transcript>
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