english paper

Strong Bad Email #64

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A Well Thought-Out Englilsh Paper

"The Yellow Dart" asks Strong Bad to write his Englilsh paper for him.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Homestar Runner (voice only)

Places: Computer Room

Computer: Compy 386

Date: Monday, February 24, 2003

Running Time: 2:13

Page Title: Compy 386!

DVD: strongbad_email.exe Disc Two

Transcript

STRONG BAD: Come on guys! Get your heads in the game.

{reading}

Dear Strong Bad,
Right now I am putting off writing a
paper for my English class. Can you
write my Englilsh paper for me? I
don't even care if it's good or not,
I just don't want to do it.

Kyle Smith,
Manhattan, Kansas

{Strong Bad stops and says "Ahh. Never get tired of how that sounds" after reading "Dear Strong Bad". He also reads "Englilsh" as "Englilish".}

STRONG BAD: Umm... {typing} I don't really think you need to worry about it being any good if you write it, Kyle. But I'll take a crack at it.

{Cut to a blank sheet of paper.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} So let's start out with the title page. {typing} "A Well Thought-Out Englilsh Paper" by Kyle Smith. {stops typing} You know, it couldn't hurt to soup up your name a little bit, Kyle. Y'know, like throw a cool nickname in there, like Kyle "The Yellow Dart" Smith. {"The Yellow Dart" appears in Kyle Smith's name} Oh, yeah! That right there will get you five to ten extra credit points easy. {"+5" and "+10" appear on the paper in red ink, followed by "cool nickname!" with an arrow pointing to the nickname} Then you move into the introduction. {Strong Bad starts typing the essay} Chances are, this is all your teacher's gonna read before they give you a grade, so... that's why the cool nickname is so important. "The Yellow Dart." I'm awesome. {"+5 nickname still cool!" appears on the paper.} Then you got the body, which is-a my personal favorite...

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {offscreen} Hey, Strong Bad! I'm inside your house.

STRONG BAD: {voiceover, while typing the essay} Oh. That sucks. What can I do for ya?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {offscreen} Can I have the rest of this breakfast burrito?

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} I guess. What do you want it for?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {offscreen} Umm... I'm gonna try and sell it at some type of online auction.

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Hey, do whatcha gotta do. Look, I'm busy writing a paper for my man "The Yellow Dart" over here.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {offscreen} Okay bye! {runs off}

STRONG BAD: {to Homestar, still voiceover} Uh, you won't get more than three-fifty for it! Believe me, I've tried.

{Cut to the essay as written sitting on a desk}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Okay, so I think we're just about done. We just need to apply a little double-space action... {The essay becomes double-spaced} or, uh... maybe a little triple-space action... {The essay becomes triple-spaced} then I'd beef it up with some random diagrams... That can't hurt.

{The diagram is a comparison of eating one battery to eating five batteries. Cut to Strong Bad sitting in front of the computer}

STRONG BAD: I think it's pretty good as-is, but, uh... couldn't hurt to throw a little cash in there to uh... seal the deal. {typing} Alright The Yellow Dart, you owe me, man. Can't nobody say Strong Bad never did nothing for the peoples. Now it is my intention to sit down and play video games for several hours.

{Strong Bad gets up, The Paper comes down, and the essay appears onscreen.}

Easter Eggs

• At the end of the email, flip to the page after the title page and click on the words "The Cheat's allowance" to see the online auction for the breakfast burrito.
• Keep flipping through the paper, and after it flips back to the front, the paper can be downloaded in the Microsoft Word .doc format.

Fun Facts

The English Paper

"A Well Thought-Out Englilsh Paper"
by Kyle "The Yellow Dart" Smith

Since maybe like the Middle Ages, there have been many
differing opinions on hustle and bustle. This cannot be
denied. It is my intention to sit down and play video games
for several hours.

First, moving around quickly, and with purpose, is a
true sign of character. Secondarily, bustle(e.g. hustle)
yields more product for the working types. "Hustle and bustle
are like my right and left arms," said Li'l Spicy in his famous
"Hustle and Bustle Are Like My Right and Left Arms" speech.
Webster's defines bustle as "excited and often noisy activity;
a stir." A stir, indeed. Finally, sometimes gross stuff can
be funny.

In conclusion, I, "The Yellow Dart," think I have done a
great job illustrating the many differing opinions about hustle
and bustle, may they both rest in peace. Also, I think Strong
Bad should decrease The Cheat's allowance.

{Page Three features the batteries diagrams, and turning it over shows two dollar bills, two quarters, and three pennies taped to the back of the paper.}

Trivia

Original money to seal the deal

• Originally, the cash was scanned pictures of actual money; the final version uses cartoon drawings instead.
• The online auction page is the first time Strong Bad is called a "wrestle man".
• Kyle "The Yellow Dart" Smith allegedly reported via an Internet forum that he actually did submit Strong Bad's English paper along with his own real one.
• This and website are the only pre-2006 Strong Bad Emails not to have been uploaded to YouTube by the homestarrunnerdotcom channel; both emails end with a link to an in-universe website, which cannot be replicated in YouTube.
• The half-eaten burrito was actually listed for sale on eBay, purportedly by Homestar, though it is unknown if this was done by The Brothers Chaps or a fan. According to contemporaneous message board posts, the burrito shot from an initial price of $3.50 to over $1,000,000 in a matter of hours. By 9:10 pm it was past $5,000,000, and by 10:19 pm it had maxed out at $99,999,999.
  • While the auction was running, Homestar updated the listing with several messages, including:

Oh my god you guys are crazy!!! This isn't even one of Marzipan's famous tofu breakfast burritos.
But since you guys like so much, guess what, I'll throw in the plate.
BTW, watch for my upcoming auctions: One of The Cheat's sweat socks, Marzipan's bread and butter pickle recipe,
and Strong Sad's autographed Moby baby-doll tee!

Alright, alright! I'll pay the shipping. It's the least I can do.

C'mon guys, quit going crazy on my auction.
This thing isn't worth half of what it's going for. It is half-eaten, afterall.
I'm going to use the money to buy Marzipan a Yello Dello.
And if that's you running up the price, The Cheat, don't ask me to shave your back anymore.

• Due to the large number of bogus bids, the burrito auction was eventually pulled. The cancellation notice(s) read:

Sewiouslwy guys, this thing is half eaten afterall.

The King Of Town ate the burrito. This does not look good for Homestar Runner.

Remarks

• Strong Bad taped $2.53 to the back of the paper. It is not entirely clear whether the silver coins are nickels or quarters, though the portrait looks similar to that on the one dollar bills, which also feature George Washington. The original coins photographed were quarters.
• The printable version of the english paper was created on Sunday, February 23, 2003 10:27:00 PM and printed on Monday, February 24, 2003 4:57:00 AM. The software it was written on is registered to "Preferred Customer" of "Dell Computer Corporation".
• Between typing "speech" and "Webster's", there is a lengthy pause, during which the typing sounds are still going on.
• The a> prompt is missing from the back button.

Inside References

• According to the auction Easter egg, Homestar's screen name is witchesbrew82 — referencing Witches' Brew and 1982. The high bidder is cheatachu72, which is The Cheat's Instant Messenge screen name from i she be.
• This is another appearance of loose coins.
• Strong Bad says, "Can't nobody say Strong Bad never did nothing for the peoples." This is an example of a multiple negative. Cancelling out the negatives, the phrase means "Somebody can say Strong Bad did something for the peoples."

Fast Forward

• The diagram of the man eating a battery is later used in bottom 10, except instead of a battery, he has a Fluffy Puff Marshmallow crammed into his mouth.

DVD Version

• The "Englilsh" Paper is only accessible via a hidden Strong Bad icon in the lower-right corner of the Compy 386 screen. However, Strong Bad now reads the paper aloud. Furthermore, there are some additional comments near the end of this.
  • STRONG BAD: Eating one battery. Eating five batteries. Oh, that guy has got quite a gullet. {turns to page four} And what I like to call a little... inshoirance.
  • Strong Bad misspells "yields" as "yeilds" in the image of the essay that he is reading in this extra (though it is correct in the online version).
• The Breakfast Burrito is accessible via a hidden Strong Bad icon in the lower-left corner of the Compy 386 screen instead of through the Englilsh Paper. As with the Englilsh Paper, Homestar Runner reads it.

Fun Facts

• Strong Bad's pronunciation of the word "insurance" is another example of an "er" sound pronounced as "oi" (in other words, a mock Brooklyn accent).

External Links

• watch "english paper"
• watch "english paper" on the old Flash site
• view the Flash file for "english paper"
• view the auction
• read the English paper