Strong Badia the Free Responses (The Castle)

"We've got 'em on the run, chief!"

Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People has many responses when you talk to various characters and interact with various objects. These are the responses from The Castle in Strong Badia the Free.

On these pages, A → B (right arrow) means that the response happens when object A is used on thing B, or in the case of talking to other characters, the indicated sequence of chat topic icons are chosen.

---

A short horizontal line between two or more responses, such as the one above, means only one of the responses is heard at a time, and that the action results in a different response each time it occurs.

Storming the Castle

{The "Believe in YOURSELF" poster from the end of the Marzistar section is seen as the scene begins. A solo violin based instrumental track is heard in the background.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} My dearest Marzipan, the siege on the castle continues. We are forever surrounded by the brown stench of war and the constant beige screaming. {the camera zooms in on Homestar's position on the poster} Always the beige screaming.

{A still image showing Strong Bad looking out of a castle window and seeing The Cheat and Coach Z run away.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} We have suffered great losses. The Cheat was the first to turn tail and join the Enemy... {the image zooms into The Cheat and Coach Z} ...quickly followed by the Traitorous Coach Z. Which, incidentally, is his new rap name.

{The image changes to a picture of Homestar in the castle halls, with the camera panning it from the feet up.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} I've done things I'm not proud of. I can only dream of the day when this madness ends and I can return to your (ahem) arms once again. Your loveable cuddliness, Homestar Runner.

{The Homestar image is revealed to be a poster held in front of Homestar himself - showing it directly to an irritated Marzipan.}

MARZIPAN: Don't be stupid, Homestar.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Okay! {throws the poster behind him}

MARZIPAN: The siege lasted five minutes, and that was a week ago. It was like the King of Town wanted to give up.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {confidently} The Homestarmy sure showed him a thing or twelve!

MARZIPAN: Whatever. I just wanted to tell you again to pick up your stupid draft wheel from my house. I need the yard for my Down With The King rally. Now I'm going back town to protest you-slash-everything you stand for. {walks away}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Okay, Marzipan! Call me!

{The camera then pans towards the throne - technically part-throne and part-fridge - with Strong Bad sitting there wearing a crown and a fake beard.}

STRONG BAD: {annoyed} Ohh, how could I have known being King of Town would suck so many eggs? {brief pause} Wait, how COULDN'T I have known? {jumps off the throne and removes the crown and fake beard}

STRONG SAD: {appears from behind the throne} There, there, my liege. That emptiness you feel inside? I want you to take that, and cram it full of chimichangas! {pats his stomach twice}

Throne Room

Throne

STRONG BAD: No more sitting on that thing. I'm starting to get bedsores AND freezer burn.

Shelves

Right Shelf

First time only

STRONG BAD: {discovers a fake beard in the shelves} The Of Town's Household Hint #43: Keep a spare beard in your fridge's dairy section to take the edge off that late-summer heat.

---

STRONG BAD: Six servings of butter and butter-based products a day: It's not just a good idea, it's the law.

Left Shelf

STRONG BAD: Gravy, Turkey Legs, and Cocoa Butter: three wacky private eyes on a mixed up course towards mayhem! Sunday nights this Fall.

Homestar Runner

STRONG BAD: {agitated} What are you doing, Homestar?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Castle is secured, Your Travesty!

Homestar Runner → Crown

STRONG BAD: I'm sick of being King. You wanna take over, Homestar?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh hecks no! Who'd want that dumb old job? Nothing to do except sit around this dank old castle. You'd have to be some kinda idiot to want to be King of To... {brief pause before speaking more solemnly} Oh. I forgot. Your Mom was the King of Town, wasn't she?

---

STRONG BAD: Being king sucks! I gotta get out of this castle.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: That's a negatory, Nougat Man. We have to...

STRONG BAD: {interrupts} Did you just call me "Nougat Man"?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Shhhh! {quietly and bossily} That's your secret service call sign! {speaks normally} We've got to keep the Empire safe! And that means keeping the Nougat Man wrapped up in his chocolatey blanket.

---

STRONG BAD: {annoyed} Let me out of the castle, Dudley Dork Right.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: No can do, Nougat Man. That's just what the rebels WANT us to do!

Homestar Runner → Homestarmy

STRONG BAD: I've been telling you for a week now: we don't need the Homestarmy anymore.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {cautiously} You think you're "safe". Is that it? Is that it?!? Freedom isn't free! Freedom's dumb! What if some attractive, robotic rabbit hobbled in here with a bunch of TNT strapped to her back, trying to kiss you? Then where would you be? Huh?

STRONG BAD: Probably back at home throwing darts at Strong Sad and not talking to a moron.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {annoyed} That's what I THOUGHT. Ten hut!!

---

STRONG BAD: Strong Badia will be fine without an army, Homestar.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, please. That kind of garbage talk should be kept in the garbage bin where the garbage gnomes use it as garbage fuel to run their garbage cars and their garbage factories.

After the King of Town declares war

STRONG BAD: It was a good run, but I think the Homestarmy should surrender.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {hostilely} I don't know the meaning of the word "surrender"! {pause} That's all.

---

STRONG BAD: The castle's plenty good defended, Homestar. Give it a rest.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Arrest? Who do you want me to arrest? Just say Marzipan. Please say Marzipan.

Homestar Runner → The Cheat

STRONG BAD: Where's The Cheat?

STRONG MAD: {smiles} THE CHEAT?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {hostilely} I don't want to hear that traitor's name again! NOBODY runs out on the Homestarmy!

STRONG BAD: Except The Cheat, Coach Z, and Pom Pom.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Those bake sale-havers? They didn't run out! They got dishonorably discharged. For running out on the Homestarmy.

STRONG MAD: {disappointed} I MISS THE CHEAT!

Homestar Runner → The King of Town

STRONG BAD: Where did the old King of Town go?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Perp was last spotted at a fella by the name of Strong Bad's house. I gots my eye on him! I'll let you know if he starts stir-frying up any trouble!

---

STRONG BAD: What kind of trouble could the King of Town start, anyway?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh child, don't get me started! Double trouble, triple trouble, stomach trouble, pretty much all types!

After the Of Town declares war

First time only

STRONG BAD: How are those revolutionaries doing?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: They've got no chance against the Forced Left Infantry Squadron Platoon Ranks of the Homestarmy, el jefe! I got my eye on their leader, and can take him out on your orders.

STRONG BAD: What do you mean, "take him out"?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I was thinking dinner, probably tapas, then maybe a movie. Nothing too serious this early in the relationship.

---

STRONG BAD: Any sign of the old King of Town?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: If he's out there, I'll find him and try not to get eaten by him!

Katana → Homestar Runner

STRONG BAD: Homestar needs to master spoon-based combat before I'd trust him with a sword.

Lighter → Homestar Runner

STRONG BAD: Nah, Homestar's too dumb to be flammable.

Bear Rug

STRONG BAD: Stupid bear. He shoulda known to hide his food in trees to avoid King of Town attacks.

Strong Mad

STRONG BAD: Step aside, Strong Mad. I gotta get out of this place.

STRONG MAD: TOO DANGEROUS!

STRONG BAD: {turns to the camera with disbelief} Trapped in my own castle!

---

STRONG BAD: {speaks desperately} Let me go, Strong Mad!

STRONG MAD: NO CAN DO!

Katana → Strong Mad

STRONG BAD: Nah, it'd take a week of hacking away at Strong Mad before he even felt anything.

Lighter → Strong Mad

STRONG BAD: Strong Mad is afraid of fire, but I'm afraid that I'd get crushed in the ensuing stampede.

Left Candle Holder

STRONG BAD: The King of Town ate the candles but left the flames. That guy's a real professional.

Lighter → Left Candle Holder

STRONG BAD: That thing could not be any more on fire.

Right Candle Holder

STRONG BAD: This unlit candle holder could be my one ticket out of this prison... {turns to the camera} No wait, I'm wrong. It's just decoration.

After lighting the candle holders

STRONG BAD: There, a little atmosphere was all this place needed. No wait, I'm wrong. It still sucks.

Lighter → Right Candle Holder

STRONG BAD: What this creepy castle needs is a little mood lighting. {lights the candles}

After being lit

STRONG BAD: That thing could not be any more on fire.

Ex-Fish

STRONG BAD: Whoa, deja vu! That fish reminds me of something... {ponders} That time we fit The Cheat in Strong Mad's mouth? Nah, that's not it.

---

STRONG BAD: {ponders} What DOES that thing remind me of? That summer we tried to convince ourselves that potatoes were...? Nah, that's not it.

---

STRONG BAD: Oh, NOW I remember what that thing reminds me of: Charles Darwin! {The Teen Girl Squad idea card with Charles Darwin appears on screen} Evolution guy and inventor of the fish skeleton, apparently. He'd make a great addition to my Teen Girl Squad comic!

After receiving the Teen Girl Squad card

STRONG BAD: You never forget your first all-you-can-eat buffet.

Strong Sad

STRONG BAD: This has been the most boring week I ever spent not in a coma. I gotta get out of this job.

STRONG SAD: Never, my liege! The empire needs you to rule! It is your DESTINY!

Strong Sad → Crown

STRONG BAD: Why would anyone want to be king? No e-mail, no videogames... nothing but totally ignoring people's complaints and concerns.

STRONG SAD: You'll feel better after your cheese and gravy bath.

STRONG BAD: {annoyed} I told you already: stop with all the food make!

STRONG SAD: But you need to keep up your strength to watch your kingdom wither and decay into oblivion!

---

STRONG BAD: This job is wearing down on me, man.

STRONG SAD: But you must persevere, sire, until the heavy weight of the crown drags you and your empire down into the black abyss of death.

STRONG BAD: Why do I keep talking to you?

Strong Sad → No King of Town

This option is only available after Strong Bad discovers The King of Town's ruse, and disappears afterward

STRONG BAD: Can you believe The Old King of Town trying to play me like that?

STRONG SAD: 'Twas a vile deception, my lord. But worth it, for putting you on the throne, where you belong!

Strong Sad → The King of Town

First time only

STRONG BAD: Dispatch a deep-fried carrier pigeon to the King of Town! Tell him he can have his old job back.

STRONG SAD: The Of Town is quite happy with his new life, playing videogames and answering your e-mails!

{Cut to the Computer Room in the House of Strong, where the King of Town is reading an email from the Lappy, complete with a pile of Creamy Ding cakes nearby.}

Dear Strong Town,
Have you ever thought about becoming a time-stopping astronaut with a laser rifle for a hand?
Sincerely,
John Fingerbottom, Passaic, NJ

{The King of Town pronounces NJ as "New Joy-sey".}

THE KING OF TOWN: Hmmmm. No, no, Mr. Fingerbottom, I can't say that I have. Thanks for writing, though!

{Cut back to the Castle.}

STRONG BAD: {agitated} What?!? He didn't even make fun of the name!

STRONG SAD: But he's gotten quite popular! Fark links to him every week.

---

STRONG BAD: We've got to get the King of Town back in here.

STRONG SAD: That's treason, sire! Besides, he's too happy taking over your old job, no-loafing and answering e-mails.

---

After the King of Town declares war

STRONG BAD: Have the King's rebels made any progress attacking the castle?

STRONG SAD: Don't worry about that, sire! Their cause is completely hopeless. As I keep reminding them, over and over again.

Strong Sad → Strong Mad

STRONG BAD: Tell the castle guard to let me out of this place.

STRONG SAD: That's impossible, sire! There are far too many enemies of the state out there. The revolutionaries would try to kick you off the throne, or worse! They might want to... {feels faint} ...pants you!

---

STRONG BAD: Tell Strong Mad he's fired. I don't need-a no castle guard.

STRONG SAD: Nonsense, your majesty! Without us here keeping you safe, the revolutionaries would siege-slash-sieze the castle!

Katana → Strong Sad

STRONG BAD: Nah, I've performed enough amateur surgeries on Strong Sad.

Lighter → Strong Sad

STRONG BAD: Nah. Setting fire to Strong Sad is so fourth grade.

Maps and Minions Deluxe

STRONG BAD: {amazed} Get outta of town! The King had his own Deluxe Edition Olden Earthe Maps & Minions Board! With the pewter game pieces! {analyzes the board} He used his for a map as well. We are like two sides of the same coin. Except... {slightly hastily} ...his side is all bloated and dripping with grease.

STRONG SAD: The empire has grown much since your victory, my liege! Everybody wanna be part of Strong Badia!

Dialogue continues below if the King of Town has not declared war

STRONG BAD: Well, a) I don't want them to. And 2) If you call me that again, "my liege" is gonna rearrange your face! {looks back down at the board} From here I can give orders to the entire Homestarmy. All... three... of them.

STRONG SAD: No need, sire!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Situation is completely under control! Or "sitch is comp und 'trol" if you're short on time.

STRONG SAD: Don't trouble yourself with petty troop movements, your grace!

STRONG MAD: TAKE IT EASY!

STRONG BAD: {disappointed} Aww, man. I can't even tell my lowly peons what to do anymore!

---

STRONG BAD: I could send my "army" anywhere I want, but there's nobody to fight against.

After the King of Town proclaimed war

HOMESTAR RUNNER: We've got 'em on the run, chief! {pronounced as written}

STRONG SAD: The puny rebels are no match for the shambling level 2 Trollviathan that is the Homestarmy, my liege!

STRONG BAD: Hmmm, you're right. Also: stop calling me that. THESE are the guys who really need my help. {turns the board around so the side with the King of Town at Strong Badia is facing him}

THE KING OF TOWN: {to the rest of the pawns} On to the castle, men! I'm takin' back what's mine! Um... where did I leave that castle again?

STRONG BAD: {groan} Just follow my lead.

{Continue below to Maps & Minions}

Computer Room

Box

This can only be seen if the player asked for 'Lectric Boots via food request.

STRONG BAD: Oh boy, a package came for me already! Wonder what's inside... {looks under the box} MY fashionable and whisper-quiet 'Lectric Boots! Gather round, ladies, Emperor Strong Bad's steppin' out on the warpath in solid-state style.

Snacky 186

First time only

STRONG BAD: The Snacky 186? I've seen this piece of crap on late-night informercials! I never knew it was a computer! {logs on and sees two folders, for both "Sent Items" and "Templates"} Sent email? {Clicks on it and reads the most recent sent mail}

Dumbest Law

Hey Strong Bad!
What's the dumbest law the King of Town has ever passed?
Dont you think youd be a better ruler than the King of
Town?
Your pal, Roy T. Castle Hill.

{Strong Bad mutters the greeting and first question monotonously to himself, before mumbling and skimreading the rest, all up to exclaiming the sender's name out loud with disbelief.}

STRONG SAD: So it was all an elaborate ruse to trick you into taking over his empire!

STRONG BAD: {jumps off the stool} An elaborate ruse?!! Would you call it chicanery?!

STRONG SAD: I actually might, yes.

STRONG BAD: {bitterly} Oh, that's it. I draw the line at chicanery. {leaves the room} The Of Town: you're goin' of down!

STRONG SAD: You can't mean...?

STRONG BAD: I'm getting the King of Town out of my house and back on this Energy Star-compliant throne!

Second time only

STRONG BAD: The O.T.'s computer looks like it was designed for a mix between three-year-olds and train car hoboes. Let's see if I can figure this thing out: hmm, "sent mail" and "templates".

Sent Items

Tax Decree

Tax Decree

Dear citizen,
This message is to inform you of the new EMAIL TAX
effective IMMEDIATELY and RETROACTIVELY in the form of
ONE CREAMY DING SNACK CAKE per message SENT or
RECEIVED, including this one. Please make a note of it.
VIOLATORS WILL BE PERSECUTED.
Your ruler for eternity, the King of Town. P.S. Direct all
complaints to MY HINDER!

{Strong Bad reads it exactly like he did at the start of the game.}

Dumbest Law

Dumbest Law

Hey Strong Bad!
What's the dumbest law the King of Town has ever passed?
Dont you think youd be a better ruler than the King of
Town?
Your pal, Roy T. Castle Hill.

{Strong Bad reads it exactly like he did at the start of the game.}

STRONG BAD: {hostilely} You think you're so smart, King of Town? We'll see who's the smartest. {pauses} Smarter. {moderately confused} More smartest.

Medical Dining

Medical Dining

Dear Sirs, I believe I requested a gravy-filled IV drip from
your so-called "medical dining" facility over twelve minutes
ago. IT STILL HAS NOT ARRIVED. I trust I don't need to
remind you about the cost of a three-piece malpractice suit!
Threateningly, The King of Town.

{Strong Bad emphasizes a more bitter tone to his voice with the capitalised sentence and the mention of the malpractice suit.}

STRONG BAD: Man, even the King of Town can't get decent customer service.

Templates

First time only

STRONG BAD: What? The King doesn't even type out his own e-mails? Talk about lazy {pronounced lay-ZAY}. How am I supposed to pick items from a drop down list with boxing gloves on? Typing I can handle. (Don't ask me how.)

Food Order

Food Order

To: ____________________blank____________________
Please send ____________________blank____________________
of your slobber-inducing
____________________blank____________________
to The Castle, immediately! I'm frikkin' dying here!
There's an extra tuppence in it for you if you hurry!
Your hungriest customer, The King of Town.

{In the first blank, the options are: kingoftown@themunicipality.gov, thepizz@virtualpizz.biz, strongbad@strongbadshouse.res, depressio@bleakhouse.gov, pompom@clubtechno.pom, theoftown@strongbadshouse.res, homestar@homezipan.gov, and coachz@coachnya.aaeerg.}

{In the second blank, the options are: forty, a hundred forty, forty thousand, four hundred forty, and forty million, forty thousand and forty four.)

{In the third blank, the options are: Creamy Ding Snack Cakes, Turduckens, Lobster thermidores in a white wine reduction, Sides of Beef, Skillet-fried swamp marmots, and 'Lectric Boots.}

Personals Request

Personals Request

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE.
____________________blank____________________
seeks a buffalo wing-eating partner. Must enjoy
____________________blank____________________
and not exercising. Ability to prepare country-fried
____________________blank____________________
a definite plus! No
____________________blank____________________
Contact "Big K" at the castle with the goofy face.

{Strong Bad over-emphasises the all-caps first sentence of this email.}

{In the first blank, the options are: Single white gastronomonarch, Beardo who loves life, Free-spirited and bun-loving royal, Pleasantly plump bachelor, and Ripped muscle god.}

{In the second blank, the options are: Creamy Ding Snack Cakes, E-mails, Chortling, Dance step, and House elves.}

{In the third blank, the options are: Creamy Ding Snack Cakes, Turduckens, Lobster thermidores in a white wine reduction, Sides of Beef, Skillet-fried swamp marmots, and 'Lectric Boots.}

{In the fourth blank, the options are: vegetarians, nutritionistas, Coach Zs (for real this time), mercenaries, and walking dead (willing to negotiate).}

Tax Decree

Tax Decree

To: ____________________blank____________________
By royal decree, we hereby enact a TAX on
____________________blank____________________
in the amount of____________________blank____________________
bucks per item.
Effective IMMEDIATELY and RETROACTIVELY, pay up or be
prosecuted!
Sincerely, your Kingee

{Strong Bad over-emphasizes the capitalized words and reads the ending puzzlingly.}

{In the first blank, the options are: kingoftown@themunicipality.gov, thepizz@virtualpizz.biz, strongbad@strongbadshouse.res, depressio@bleakhouse.gov, pompom@clubtechno.pom, theoftown@strongbadshouse.res, homestar@homezipan.gov, and coachz@coachnya.aaeerg.}

{In the second blank, the options are: Creamy Ding Snack Cakes, E-mails, Chortling, Dance step, and House elves.}

{In the third blank, the options are: forty, a hundred forty, forty thousand, four hundred forty, and forty million, forty thousand and forty four.)

[If Strong Bad writes an email to theoftown@strongbadshouse.res taxing Creamy Ding Snack Cakes, Strong Bad will read the full email aloud before it is sent.]

After Strong Bad sends a tax decree on Creamy Ding Snack Cakes to theoftown@strongbadshouse.res

{Cut to the computer room in the House of Strong.}

THE KING OF TOWN: {shocked} Whaaaat? He might as well put a tax on the laughter of a child, or the thin film that forms on gravy when it sits out too long! {Angrily, with crown bouncing up while speaking} This time he's gone too far! This means WAR! {pronounced "Wahr"} Er... war.

Floppy Disc Container

STRONG BAD: "Recipes and Snack Ideas from Peasant's Quest." The King of Town can even make computer games boring.

Snacky Plug

First time only

STRONG BAD: The Of Town shouldn't leave his lappy on. It'll burn the whole castle down... {unplugs the Snacky, and a spare crown pops out of the Snacky's toaster compartment}

---

STRONG BAD: Awesome!

---

STRONG BAD: Whoa.

---

STRONG BAD: Intriguing.

---

STRONG BAD: Not so intriguing.

Spare Crown

STRONG BAD: {takes it} The Of Town must've put an emergency crown in here in case of a power outage.

Maps & Minions

Fog of War

Fog of War → Coach Z

COACH Z: What the?!? Stench unbearable... I'm blind! Somebody kill me!

Fog of War → Homsar

HOMSAR: DaAaAhHh, this mustard is just like paradise!

Fog of War → The Cheat

THE CHEAT: {slightly confused} Meh meh meh meh?

Fog of War → The King of Town

THE KING OF TOWN: Oh my, that's a rich, juicy odor!

Strong Sad

Strong Sad → Coach Z

COACH Z: CHOOORRRRGE! {charges in wittingly}

STRONG SAD: You have no hope of reaching the castle. Why not just give up? We're all going to wither and die anyway.

COACH Z: {now distressed} What does it all mean? I give up. {walks off}

ANNOUNCER: STRONG SAD WINS!

---

STRONG SAD: We're all going to fail. Why not just give up?

COACH Z: {upset} Oh geez, you're right. What am I DOING with my life? {walks off}

Strong Sad → The Cheat

THE CHEAT: MEEEEEHHHH! {charges in with confidence}

STRONG SAD: Everything is hopeless. I had dreams for a great country, only to see them smashed by a cruel dictator.

THE CHEAT: {runs away crying} Meh-meh-meh-meh...

ANNOUNCER: STRONG SAD WINS!

Strong Sad → The Poopsmith

{The Poopsmith charges in, holding his spade above his head.}

STRONG SAD: We're all pawns, really, in a tragic game of death to be repeated over and over again throughout history.

{The Poopsmith walks off with his head pointing down, obviously upset.}

ANNOUNCER: STRONG SAD WINS!

Strong Sad → Homsar

HOMSAR: {floats onto the scene} DaAaAaAhHhH!

STRONG SAD: Doesn't it depress you to know you're doomed to failure?

HOMSAR: Daaah, no thanks, officer! I've got one big round one!

STRONG SAD: {confused} What does that even MEAN?

HOMSAR: I'm the long way back from naptime!

STRONG SAD: I don't understand you!

ANNOUNCER: DRAW!

Strong Sad → The King of Town

THE KING OF TOWN: {runs onto the scene} Bon appeDIE!

STRONG SAD: You have no hope of reaching the castle. Why not just give up? We're all going to wither and die anyway.

THE KING OF TOWN: Oh dear. Retreat! {runs from the scene} Everyone retreat!

ANNOUNCER: THE KING OF TOWN - DEFEATED!

Strong Mad

Strong Mad → Coach Z

COACH Z: CHOOORRRRGE! {charges in wittingly}

STRONG MAD: GO AWAY! {punches Coach Z all the way back to Strong Badia}

COACH Z: Yaooow!

ANNOUNCER: STRONG MAD WINS!

Strong Mad → Homsar

HOMSAR: {floats onto the scene} Here comes the Yogurt Patrol!

STRONG MAD: DO NOT ENTER! {punches Homsar all the way back to Strong Badia}

HOMSAR: DaAaAaAaAaAaAoOoWw!

ANNOUNCER: STRONG MAD WINS!

Strong Mad → The Poopsmith

{The Poopsmith charges in, holding his spade above his head.}

STRONG MAD: PROTECT STRONG BAD! {punches the Poopsmith all the way back to Strong Badia}

ANNOUNCER: STRONG MAD WINS!

Strong Mad → The Cheat

STRONG MAD: THE CHEAT!

THE CHEAT: {happily} Meh meh!

STRONG MAD: I FORGIVE YOU!

THE CHEAT: {toothily smiles} Meh, meh.

STRONG MAD: LET'S NOT FIGHT ANYMORE!

THE CHEAT: Meh meh meh-meh meh!

ANNOUNCER: DRAW!

Strong Mad → The King of Town

THE KING OF TOWN: I regret everything! {runs towards the scene}

STRONG MAD: {scares the King of Town} RAWWWR!!

THE KING OF TOWN: Oh dear. Retreat! {runs from the scene} Everyone retreat!

ANNOUNCER: THE KING OF TOWN - DEFEATED!

Homestar Runner

If the King of Town is not in the Fog of War

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I've got the Of Town in my sights!

---

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I'm on recon, chief! We'll find those rebel-rebels!

If the King of Town is in the Fog of War

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Lost sight of the perpetrator!

---

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Where'd he go? Where'd he go?

Homestar Runner → Coach Z

COACH Z: Fair enough, I'll go. {walks off}

ANNOUNCER: HOMESTAR RUNNER WINS!

---

COACH Z: CHOOORRRRGE! {charges in wittingly}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Take that! {headbutts Coach Z in the chest}

COACH Z: All right, I'm leaving already! {walks off}

ANNOUNCER: HOMESTAR RUNNER WINS!

Homestar Runner → Homsar

HOMSAR: {floats onto the scene} DaAaAaAhHhH!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Is that all you got, you little crabcake? {kicks Homsar in the chest}

HOMSAR: {floats away} I left my bacon at the tennis patch!

ANNOUNCER: HOMESTAR RUNNER WINS!

Homestar Runner → The Cheat

THE CHEAT: MEEEEEHHHH! {charges in with confidence}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: You're no match for the Homestarmy! {kicks The Cheat}

THE CHEAT: Meh! {bitterly walks off} Meh, meh meh.

ANNOUNCER: HOMESTAR RUNNER WINS!

Homestar Runner → The Poopsmith

{The Poopsmith charges in, holding his spade above his head.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Is that all you got, you little crabcake? {kicks the Poopsmith in the stomach}

{The Poopsmith holds up a sign labelled "OUCH!" and walks off.}

ANNOUNCER: HOMESTAR RUNNER WINS!

Homestar Runner → The King of Town

THE KING OF TOWN: {runs onto the scene} Bon appeDIE!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: You're no match for the Homestarmy!

THE KING OF TOWN: {runs off} The battle is lost! Back to Strong Badia!

ANNOUNCER: THE KING OF TOWN - DEFEATED!

The Cheat → An Open Field

THE CHEAT: {finds a box} Meh? Meh meh? {looks in the box and finds a beret}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} A rakish and not-at-all-effeminate beret! Now I can look just like my favorite pasty-white beat poets!

THE CHEAT: {angrily looks up} Meh meh meh MEH meh?

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Err, I mean... {hesitantly} ...my favorite shady, anarchist revolutionaries. {speaks normally} Thanks, The Cheat!

The King of Town → Castle

ANNOUNCER: THE KING OF TOWN - WINS!

Game Epilogue

THE KING OF TOWN: {comes in through the now unattended entrance} A-ha! Caught you red-handed, you imitation butter-substitute King!

STRONG BAD: {monotonously} Oh no. The King of Town, come to take back his refrigerated throne.

THE KING OF TOWN: That's right! I got lots o' slurpin, smackin', and near-gaggin' to do. Step aside and I'll let you live!

STRONG BAD: Oh, I don't know. This is a pretty sweet dank castle...

THE KING OF TOWN: {desperate} Oh come on. I came all this way!

STRONG BAD: Well... I couldn't give up all this, especially that AWESOME email tax bringing me SO much money.

THE KING OF TOWN: Ha! I'm taking my castle back, AND repealing that stupid tax!

STRONG BAD: {unenthusiastic} Okay. I guess I'll just have to go back home and play videogames with pajamaed-up coeds. {walks out of the room and speaks normally} I wonder if my new Limozeen game got delivered yet...

THE KING OF TOWN: I sure showed HIM a thing or... {realises what he did} Ah, crap.

{Cue end credits.}

SINGER: {singing}

Come on everybody now, can't you hear the wind blow?

We don't like the King of Town making people's heads explode

What's the price of freedom, man? Can you cut me a deal?

A crate of whole sale liberty, or a justice combo meal?

So gather round, short children, listen to what I sing

Remember those who went to war, all for Creamy Dings

CHORUS: {singing}

Come on everybody now, can't you hear the wind blow?

We don't like the King of Town making people's heads explode

STRONG BAD: My head!

CHORUS: {singing}

Come on everybody now, can't you hear the wind blow?

We don't like the King of Town making people's heads explode!

{Song finishes}

SINGER: That was nice.

THE KING OF TOWN: What's a king gotta do to get some chili mac up in here?

Extended Play

The King of Town

STRONG BAD: I hope you appreciate all I had to do to get you back on the throne.

THE KING OF TOWN: You bet I do! And to show my appreciation, I'll let you have the job back!

STRONG BAD: {not convinced} Yeah, you already tried that.