Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective Responses (Secret Lab)

"That sure is some ruby-powered rocket!"

Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People has many responses when you talk to various characters and interact with various objects. These are the responses from Secret Lab in Dangeresque 3: The Criminal Projective.

On these pages, A → B (right arrow) means that the response happens when object A is used on thing B, or in the case of talking to other characters, the indicated sequence of chat topic icons are chosen.

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A short horizontal line between two or more responses, such as the one above, means only one of the responses is heard at a time, and that the action results in a different response each time it occurs.

Secret Lab

On first arrival

{Renaldo and Dangeresque enter. Pom Pom, as Professor Experimento, grabs a pair of safety scissors and throws it at them, but it bounces off the wall, and falls to the floor. Jump cut, and the scissors are suddenly embedded in the wall, and three other scissor-marks appear.}

DANGERESQUE: {Pulling out his nunchuck gun} Freeze, scumbag! Put down the science and get up against the wall!

RENALDO: Hey, hey, hey! Come on, now, just everybody relax! We're here for a favor.

{Dangeresque puts his nunchuck gun away}

After Renaldo gets kidnapped

DANGERESQUE: {walks into the room} Fire up that rocket, Professor. I need to get to the Sun!

PROFESSOR EXPERIMENTO: {bubbles off-screen}

{The camera pans towards the Professor, where Marzipan is standing next to him, playing as Sultry Buttons. She is seen holding a knife close to him.}

DANGERESQUE: Sultry Buttons?!?

SULTRY BUTTONS: {turns towards Dangeresque} Dangeresque?! I never thought I'd see you again.

DANGERESQUE: {walks up towards her} It's been a long time. Let's see, the last time I saw you was in... ummm...

SULTRY BUTTONS: Paris. How could you forget? It was the most romantic night of my life. You gave me a beautiful Stickanee flower... {a black and white photo of her and Dangeresque with a mustache standing near the Eiffel Tower appears on screen} ...and we had our picture taken with a novelty Eiffel Tower next to the real Eiffel Tower! {The photo gets brought down.} Then you got called away to save a bus full of school children from an erupting volcano stuffed with sharks in a top secret location that you couldn't disclose.

DANGERESQUE: {sheepishly} Oh yeah! I remember coming up with that one!

PROFESSOR EXPERIMENTO: {bubbles}

DANGERESQUE: What!? {turns to Sultry} You stole the Ruby?! But, I need that for the rocket!

SULTRY BUTTONS: I'm sorry. {turns away from Dangeresque} When you left me I turned to a life of crime. Now I'm stealing the world's rarest gems, starting with that Ruby! {holds up the Ruby in front of her}

DANGERESQUE: {walks up towards her} Come on, sweetheart. It doesn't have to be like this. We can be a couple again... me and you... and the Ruby... and maybe not you...

SULTRY BUTTONS: Can the sweet talk! We're not in Paris anymore! {turns towards Dangeresque} Maybe if you gave me another Stickanee flower... too bad they are extinct! {holds up the photo along the wall of the room and pins it with her knife} Good bye, Dangeresque! Ha ha ha ha! {leaves the room}

DANGERESQUE: {turns towards the Professor} Are you okay, Professor? You gotta get that rocket working!

PROFESSOR EXPERIMENTO: {bubbles}

DANGERESQUE: Launch codes! I forgot, Cutesy Buttons still has them! I just need to get 'em back! And don't worry, I'll get your Ruby back too!

In extended play

ON-SCREEN CAPTION: Bloopers: Secret Lab

STRONG BAD: Pom Pom here is actually a classically trained Shakespearean actor, but even he had his share of flubs! Check out some of these blundered burbles.

Big Knife

DANGERESQUE: Whoa! Now that's a knife! Perfect for cutting the crust off my grilled cheese sandwich! {pulls out the knife from the wall and takes the photo with it}

PROFESSOR EXPERIMENTO: {bubbles questionably}

DANGERESQUE: I mean, when I need to hack and slash my way through mobs of reanimated rebel rhinociraptors! {looks at the knife} I think I'll call you "Stabby"! {puts the knife away}

Chalk Board

When blank

DANGERESQUE: Eh, boxing gloves on chalk boards don't have quite the same cringe effect as fingernails.

When written on

DANGERESQUE: The forumula ingredients are: a bubbly liquid, a flower from the rare Stickanee Tree, and some yellow hair. It's what plants crave!

Computer

{Dangeresque goes to touch the computer}

PROFESSOR EXPERIMENTO: {Bubbles}

DANGERESQUE: Fine! I didn't want to touch your stupid science any-dang-way!

Romantic Photo → Computer

DANGERESQUE: {Sticks the photo behind the computer (as though inserting it into some reader)} Let's see, just stick this in here, mash this thing, {swipes at the computer} move this little knobby, {Presses something on the computer} let stand before serving, and... ding! {Finds a game manual page} Ah-ha! So THAT'S where the Field Operations Manual for Classified Space Travel went to! A hot female robot agent must have digitized this for me here.

Experimento

In extended play

DANGERESQUE: So, you're some kind of expert on formulas now, huh?

POM POM: {Bubbles}

STRONG BAD: What? That's not the line! What script are you reading, man?

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DANGERESQUE: How's that rocket coming? I need to get to the sun!

POM POM: {Bubbles. Background voices laugh}

STRONG BAD: CUT!

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DANGERESQUE: About those launch codes...

POM POM: {Bubbles}

STRONG BAD: {Background voices laugh} Whoa, you can't say that! We're gonna have to bleep that one!

Experimento → Experimento → Angel

DANGERESQUE: I gotta say, you turned out okay, Experimento. At least you're not still trying to contact hot alien races in the hopes of interplanetary prom dates.

PROFESSOR EXPERIMENTO: {Bubbles}

DANGERESQUE: Oh, right, that WAS me.

Experimento → Experimento → Devil

DANGERESQUE: So, I hear you've become an expert in making formulas, huh?

PROFESSOR EXPERIMENTO: {Bubbles}

DANGERESQUE: So, I guess your area of expertise is in baby formula! Right? Because you're a baby?

PROFESSOR EXPERIMENTO: {Bubbles}

DANGERESQUE: {Hands on hips} Oh, come on, you totally set me up for that one.

Experimento → Formula

DANGERESQUE: So, you're some kind of expert on formulas now, huh?

PROFESSOR EXPERIMENTO: {Bubbles}

DANGERESQUE: Okay, mister {makes air quotes} "you can't take a plastic bag full of scorpions into space", what's it gonna take to get you to recreate this top secret formula for me? {Gets out the formula powder, which the Professor takes}

PROFESSOR EXPERIMENTO: {Bubbles}

DANGERESQUE: Somebody stole a disk of important launch codes for your rocket and you want me to get 'em back? That sounds fair. You get me my formula, and I'll find your disk.

PROFESSOR EXPERIMENTO: {Turns to the desk, and types on... something, then zips to the chalk board and writes on it, while bubbling}

DANGERESQUE: What is it? What's going on? Renaldo, what is he bubbling about?

RENALDO: It's ingredients. He's figuring out what he needs to make the formula! {Professor Experimento steps away from the chalk board. Close-up of what he's written} A bubbly liquid, a flower from the rare Stickanee Tree, and some yellow hair?

DANGERESQUE: Nice job! Looks like we'll be scouring the streets of Brainblow City tonight!

PROFESSOR EXPERIMENTO: {Bubbles}

Experimento → Rocket

At start

DANGERESQUE: That sure is some kind of ruby-powered rocket.

PROFESSOR EXPERIMENTO: {Bubbles}

DANGERESQUE: Yeah, can it fly?

PROFESSOR EXPERIMENTO: {Bubbles}

DANGERESQUE: Somebody broke in here and stole your computer disk of highly important launch codes? That's rough, man.

After Sultry Buttons steals the ruby

DANGERESQUE: You got that rocket working yet?

PROFESSOR EXPERIMENTO: {bubbles}

DANGERESQUE: Oh right. Launch codes and a giant ruby. I'm working on it.

After Dangeresque returns the ruby

DANGERESQUE: You got that rocket working yet?

PROFESSOR EXPERIMENTO: {bubbles}

DANGERESQUE: Oh yeah, I'm supposed to be finding some launch codes for you.

Experimento → Floppy Disk

DANGERESQUE: So, these launch codes, they wouldn't happen to be on a small computer disc... blue... {gestures the size with his hands} ...'bout yea big?

PROFESSOR EXPERIMENTO: {bubbles}

DANGERESQUE: Yeah, that's what I thought.

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DANGERESQUE: About those launch codes...

PROFESSOR EXPERIMENTO: {bubbles}

DANGERESQUE: {lowers his head} Yeah, I didn't get them yet. {raises his head} I probably should have got them from Cutesy Buttons before she jumped off that helicopter.

Experimento → Ruby

DANGERESQUE: How's that rocket coming? I need to get to the sun!

PROFESSOR EXPERIMENTO: {bubbles}

DANGERESQUE: Yeah, yeah, I know. I gotta get back that ruby.

Diet Cola → Experimento

DANGERESQUE: Hey, look at that! I happen to have a carbonated liquid right here! Man, I'm good. {Gives Diet Brown to Experimento} I know it LOOKS delicious, but it tastes like one of Renaldo's old gym socks. And trust me, you do NOT want to know how I became familiar with that particular taste sensation.

COACH Z: Okay, you got your bubbly drink, now make with the formula make... ing!

PROFESSOR EXPERIMENTO: {Bubbles}

Floppy Disk → Experimento

DANGERESQUE: {gives the disk to the Professor} One disk of important launch codes for ya, el Profesor!

PROFESSOR EXPERIMENTO: {bubbles}

DANGERESQUE: Wait, you knew that Perducci had them all along? You could have told me that from the start, man!

PROFESSOR EXPERIMENTO: {bubbles}

DANGERESQUE: {lowers and shakes his head} ...had to go to all those countries, talk to all those Strong Sads...

Nunchuck Gun → Experimento

DANGERESQUE: {Whipping out his nunchuck gun} You see this? This nunchuck gun says I mean business! And I don't mean investment banking! I mean the other kind of business you do with a firearm... just so you know.

Stickanee Flower → Experimento

DANGERESQUE: {pulls out the flower} Here it is, a one-of-a-kind bio-genetic miracle flower with the potential to eliminate sickness and disease from the surface of the planet for ever and ever!

{Professor Experimento takes the flower.}

DANGERESQUE: {bossily} Now grind it into some goopy paste so that I can take it back to some nerdy dame and get myself paid!

Ruby → Experimento

DANGERESQUE: I got the ruby! {gives it to the Professor}

PROFESSOR EXPERIMENTO: {bubbles curiously}

DANGERESQUE: Sultry Buttons? Nah, she's fine. She just needed a shot of Vitamin Dangeresque. {places the ruby onto the rocket}

Yellow Hair → Experimento

DANGERESQUE: {pulls out the hair} OK, here you go... {agitated} ...but man, do you know what I had to go through to snip off blondie's hair?!

RENALDO: That's right! So... uh... how's that formula comin' there?

PROFESSOR EXPERIMENTO: {bubbles}

After all three Formula ingredients had been obtained

{Some laboratory sound effects are heard as Professor Experimento stands over the computer, with Strong Bad watching in anticipation near him and Coach Z watching in amazement near the door. From behind the computer, Professor Experimento pulls out the formula.}

PROFESSOR EXPERIMENTO: {bubbles and puts the formula bottle down}

RENALDO: {half-heartedly} It's the formula! He's done it, Dangeresque.

DANGERESQUE: You're okay, Experimento. Me and you... we's cool. {picks up the bottle} Let's get this crap back to Cutesy Buttons. {Camera pans towards him} To the Dangeresque cave!!... {unamused} ...I mean, office. {lowers his head} ...To my office.

Renaldo

Nunchuck Gun → Renaldo

DANGERESQUE: Now is not the time for violence! ...Just kidding, any time is a good time for violence, but I have more important things to do right now.

Renaldo → Rocket

DANGERESQUE: Check out that rocket over there!

RENALDO: Yeah, looks pretty sweet!

DANGERESQUE: Of course it does. That's because he totally stole my design! Remember, that one time, I had that dream about a spaceship that runs on tomato soup? I told you all about it!

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DANGERESQUE: I still say Professor Experimento copied my idea for a rocket ship.

RENALDO: Yeah, probably.

DANGERESQUE: Who cares if mine didn't actually fly? It had panache!

RENALDO: Ooh, I love panache! I had some for dessert last night!

Renaldo → Formula

DANGERESQUE: Once we get the formula back to Cutesy Buttons, we're gonna be rich, and you can finally retire in style!

RENALDO: {Folding his arms} I think I'm gonna buy me that collection of matching spandex turbans I've had my eye on!

DANGERESQUE: Okay, well, maybe you can just retire.

Renaldo → Experimento

DANGERESQUE: What are Experimento's credentials again?

RENALDO: He's got a PhD in Formuology, an MHD in Rocket Launchology, and a TBD in Advanced Predictability!

DANGERESQUE: Well, his -ologies check out, but I still say he's sorely lacking in the -ography and -oolness departments.

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DANGERESQUE: I don't like this guy, Renaldo.

RENALDO: You're just mad because he got you kicked outta the space program back in Dangeresque 0: The Prequel Begins!

DANGERESQUE: I was gonna get to hit golfballs, baseballs AND meatballs on the moon!

Rocket Fin

DANGERESQUE: {Takes the fin, revealing it to be a game manual page} Ah, the pioneers of space travel, lovingly commemmorated here in the pages of this official space flight document! These brave astronauts are an inspiration to us all.

Ruby

DANGERESQUE: Whoa! Check out the size of that ruby!

PROFESSOR EXPERIMENTO: {Bubbles}

DANGERESQUE: Don't worry, I'm not gonna steal it. I'm just sayin'... pretty big ruby.

Ruby Rocket

DANGERESQUE: Ruby-powered rocket. I ordered one of these from the back of a comic book, once. Only the ruby was plastic. And the rocket was a toilet paper roll. And the comic book was a napkin.

In extended play

DANGERESQUE: Ruby-powered rocket. I ordered—

PROFESSOR EXPERIMENTO: {Interrupting. Bubbles}

STRONG BAD: {Stage whisper} It... it's still my line.

POM POM: {Bubbles}

Safety Scissors

DANGERESQUE: You gotta be more careful, Renaldo. These things could have punctured your melon, and you only have two weeks till retirement. {Takes the scissors}

RENALDO: Oh you know, you CAN squeeze my head to tell if I'm fresh!

DANGERESQUE: I did not need to know that.

Space Simulator

Starting play

DANGERESQUE: Time for a little simulated space shootin'!

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DANGERESQUE: I've always wanted to simulate going into space. Let's give this heap a test drive!

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DANGERESQUE: Space flight simulation. For when you can't blow that ball up that tube for long enough to be a real astronaut.

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DANGERESQUE: One day in the future, when Dangeresque goes into outer space, he will kick all types of alien butt. Behold this graphical simulation!

After recovering the Ruby and Floppy Disk

DANGERESQUE: {imitates static} This is Dangeresque, ready for take off. {The screen tilts up as he imitates more static.} Lift off engaged, check. Leaving Earth's gravity, check. Depleting the ozone layer, check. Next stop, the sun!

UZI BAZOOKA: {voiceover, imitates static} Well, well, Dangeresque. I see that you managed to find yourself a rocket!

DANGERESQUE: That's right, Bazooka. And I'm gonna crash it right into that giant chip on your invisible shoulder!

UZI BAZOOKA: {voiceover} Oh, you can try, Dangeresque. {an asteroid flies by as Homestar says this} But even if you get past the asteroid belt, {a clown drifts by as Homestar says this} I doubt you'll be able to defeat the entire alien army that awaits you! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

DANGERESQUE: {strained} BAAAAZOOOOKAAAAA!!!!!!

UZI BAZOOKA: {voiceover} Over and outtahere! {imitates static}

DANGERESQUE: {confidently} OK, let's do this!

{The player would then play one level of Space Circus Catastrophe at this point.}

DANGERESQUE: {after playing} Whew, that was a close one! {The Sun appears on screen.} Looks like we have arrived. Things are about to... heat up!

{The player is automatically taken to the Sun at this point.}

When rescuing performers

DANGERESQUE: You're welcome, space man!

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DANGERESQUE: Gotcha!

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DANGERESQUE: Rescued!

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DANGERESQUE: Saved ya!

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DANGERESQUE: Savin' lives and kissin' wives, Dangeresque!

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DANGERESQUE: Um, are these supposed to be some kind of bubble lasers?

When shooting clowns

DANGERESQUE: Take that, dirt bag!

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DANGERESQUE: Pyow pyow pyow pyow!

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DANGERESQUE: Gotcha!

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DANGERESQUE: FIRE!

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DANGERESQUE: Bloop!

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DANGERESQUE: Outta my way!

When dodging food

DANGERESQUE: Whoa!

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DANGERESQUE: Ha HA!

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DANGERESQUE: MOVE MOVE MOVE!

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DANGERESQUE: Evasive maneuvers!

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DANGERESQUE: Vroosh!

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DANGERESQUE: Dodging!

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DANGERESQUE: Missed me!

When using bomb

DANGERESQUE: Ka-sploosh!

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DANGERESQUE: Obliterated!

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DANGERESQUE: Supa-kill!

When hit

DANGERESQUE: Aww, crapsicles!

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DANGERESQUE: NOOOO!

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DANGERESQUE: AARRRGHHHH!

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DANGERESQUE: Uh oh, that can't be good. Mayday, mayday!

Game over

DANGERESQUE: Come on! This simulation's broken! I'd be much better in zero-G!

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DANGERESQUE: End simulation? But I wanna keep trekking the stars! Aw, man.

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DANGERESQUE: Fine, simula-TOR. I'm done, anyway. Your reality virtually sucks!

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DANGERESQUE: Yeah, simulations are fine, but when you've body-slammed robot snipers on the rings of Saturn before, it kinda just isn't the same.