Comic Book Movie

strongbad_email.exe Bonus Email #6

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"Are you crazy?"

Strong Bad explains what a Strong Badman movie might be like.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Strong Badman, Lan Handermannek, Crack Stuntman, The Cheat

Places: Computer Room

Computer: Lappy 486

Running Time: 3:39

DVD Exclusive: strongbad_email.exe Disc Six

Transcript

STRONG BAD: {typing} We love emails and girls love us! Now let me check my email 'cause it's gatherin' dust! {Pulls up the email}

subject: comic book movie

Greetings from a kindred soul.
Now that all these comic books are being made into movies,
will we see a Strong Badman movie? How will it be different
from the comic?
Peace out.
Clan

{Rolls the "R" in "Greetings". Pauses at "Kindred soul"}

STRONG BAD: Kindred soul? You sound like a religious metal band. {A Kindread Soul CD appears} You know, the kind that try and offset their religiousness with evil fonts and drippy graphics!

{A death metal band sings "Alive as ooone!" The CD cover disappears and Strong Bad finishes reading the email.}

STRONG BAD: {Typing} No way, Clan. I've seen what they do to comic books in these movies and it is not pretty. {Clears the Screen} What you should be asking is, "In what one or two small ways will it be the same as the comic?" They shouldn't even call them "comic book movies." They should call them 'the name of a comic book movies,' cuz that's usually the only thing they get right. Watch as I throw canon to the wind and butcher our favorite muscled-up Strong Bad in that ol' fashioned Hollywood way!

{Cut to a white screen. Strong Badman slides onto the screen. His logo appears at the bottom right.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} First, let's go straight to the costume.

{The following text appears on the top-left side of the screen:}

STRONG BADMAN
Wrestleman
Boxing gloves
No tan lines (rreow!)

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} A move I'd like to call...

{The screen darkens and the following text appears on the screen as Strong Bad says it.}

STRONG BAD {voiceover} LEATHERQUEST 2000!

{The text fades away}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} People may buy that our character has radioactive powers...

{The outline of Strong Badman begins to glow. Cut to a scene that looks like the moon.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} ...or is from another planet, but a colorful spandex costume?!

{Cut back to the white screen with Strong Badman and pans from bottom to top.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Are you crazy?!

{Question marks pop up all over the screen.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} No audience will accept that!

{A red X is painted over the screen.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Nope, it's one color, head-to-toe leather for our hero!

{A gob of form-fitting blackness flows from Strong Badman's neck down to his shoes.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} It just makes practical sense for someone who's going to be jumping off rooftops...

{Cut to the stiff, black Strong Badman jumping off a rooftop with the frame frozen and a speech bubble saying "Stiff!"}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} ...and doing a bunch of martial arts all the time.

{Cut to a yellow screen with the still stiff Strong Badman kicking Deutschman. He has a speech bubble that says "Take this?" and there is a many-pointed red shape behind the impact. }

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Oh, and then the mask. {Cut to a close shot of Strong Badman} No actor is gonna let you put a mask over their beautiful face {Strong Badman's face is highlighted} for an entire movie.

{The lower part of the mask is removed, revealing visible skin.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Nope. Not enough.

{A bit more is removed. The man wearing the mask now is now bald and only has the eyepiece covering his face.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Little more...

{The eyepiece is removed, leaving only the green eyes. The character is wearing a black baseball cap with Strong Bad's face on it.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} There!

{Cut to a blue binder on a table with the following on the cover.}

Strong Badman
The comic book movie!
Production notebook

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Now comes the important part of making a comic book movie called...

{The binder opens. The top of the clipped-in page reads}

Mondo-PrePro.
for today:

{The words "Screw Up Casting!!" are written in red ink in large letters}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Screwing up the casting. Instead of casting someone appropriate for the role, like, {A page flips to a picture of an actor with a five o'clock shadow, with stitches on his cheek, and something behind his ear. The photo is labeled "Lan Handermannek" at the top.} Lan Handermannek...

{Cut to the back view of the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: Uh, that's not a real actor or anything, I just like the sound of... Land Hannermannek is Strong Badman!

{Cut back to Strong Badman, still in black leather and wearing a Strong Bad cap. The camera slowly zooms in.}

{The following text appears on the top-left side of the screen:}

STRONG BADMAN
casting info
male
caucasian
bankable
jazz flautist
(optional)

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} No, instead, they cast someone totally inappropriate like...

{Crack Stuntman's head pops in place of Strong Badman's, which flies off to the left and crashes into the text. The head and text fall offscreen. Crack Stuntman's sunglasses lenses are a green gradient similar to Strong Bad's eyes. The Cheat Commandos theme plays in the background}

CRACK STUNTMAN: BLAAAH I'm Strong Badm'n!

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Shut up, you! Let's hear your best "Stiny, get me a danish."

CRACK STUNTMAN: Shiny, throw me that doughnut!

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Perfect! You're hired! {Crack smiles.}

{Cut to the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Once the main character is totally ruined, it's time to move onto the supporting cast. Pick one character to be entirely CG-rendered when make-up, puppets, or models would clearly be way more convincing. In this case, Let's pick {Cut back to the white screen.} The Cheat!

{A monster-like The Cheat slides onto the screen.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Why make a really cool costume that we can shoot and light well...

{The Cheat monster turns CGI-animated and its limbs are moving back in forth in a disturbing manner.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} ...when we can spend way more money getting someone to make a boneless, dead-eyed, constantly wiggling CG monstrosity! That's what's gonna make me believe in your digital pile when it's floppin' around on the silver screen.

{Cut back to the computer room. Strong Bad is standing away from his stool and has a handful of note cards.}

STRONG BAD: Then you just write down all the best story elements from the comics on some note cards...

{He throws the cards into the air.}

STRONG BAD: ...throw them up in the air...

{Cut to the scattered cards on the floor.}

STRONG BAD: ...and randomly pick, like, ten of them to paste willy-nilly into a paper-thin plot with more holes in it than Halle Berry's Catwoman costume!

{Cut back to the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Now, quick, RUSH IT TO DVD before people realize it totally sucks! And don't forget the HORRIBLE video game version that tries to undo some of the damage you've done to the source material. HURRY! Phew. Dodged a bullet there. We almost made a good comic book movie.

{Cut to a yellow Strong Badman movie poster on the basement's wall. On the poster is the black-suited Crack Stuntman with a word bubble saying "This summer, preeeow!"}

CRACK STUNTMAN: This summer, preeeow!

{The Paper comes down.}

Fun Facts

Trivia

• The Floppy Disk Container reads "swashbuckler".
• At least four comic-based movies were released during the year this email was released.
• The note cards Strong Bad drops on the ground read:
  • origin story
  • "golden" origin story
  • "uncanny" origin story
  • a bad guy!!!
  • re-origin story
  • upside down origin story {text appears upside down}
  • sidekick dies!!

Remarks

• The Paper comes down in this email instead of the New Paper. This implies that this email may have been created before The Paper was replaced.
  • However, the text on The Paper is displayed slightly differently. The "E" in "End" is all lowercase, and the two arrow brackets at both ends of the text (">> <<"), which are usually there, are missing.

Inside References

• Strong Badman is called a wrestleman.
• Crack Stuntman having to say "Stiny! Get me a danish!" is a reference to superhero name, the email from which Strong Badman originated.
• This is another reference to "Man" pronounced as "m'n".
• Strong Bad calls the CGI Cheat monster a pile at one point.

Real-World References

• The comment about leather outfits likely refers to the X-Men films.
  • "Uncanny" origin story (written on one of the cards) refers to Marvel's "Uncanny X-Men".
• The comment about CGI characters probably refers to the 2003 film adaptation of the Hulk.
• Strong Bad commenting about actors not letting their faces be hidden probably refers to the film adaptation of Judge Dredd, in which Sylvester Stallone's face is exposed for the majority of the film despite Judge Dredd almost never taking off his helmet (and even then, his face is never shown) in the entire run of the comic book.
• Towards the end, Strong Bad makes reference to the critically-panned Catwoman movie starring Halle Berry.
• "'Golden' origin story" (written on one of the cards) may refer to the Golden Age of the comic book industry in the 1930s and 1940s. Many superhero origin stories were actually rewritten during the subsequent Silver Age, producing the versions more familiar to audiences today.
• Strong Bad's remark about using a bad actor likely refers to the critically panned Batman and Robin, in which George Clooney starred as Batman. The film was criticized for its campy theme, and is considered to be one of the worst Batman films of all time. Contributing to its failure was its coming after successful and popular films Batman, Batman Returns, and Batman Forever.
• An example of a video game adaptation of a superhero film noted for poor quality is Batman Forever for Nintendo's Super Nintendo Entertainment System. The game is best known for its awkward controls, using button combinations instead of a straightforward control scheme. (The game had been developed using a Mortal Kombat engine, a game which also utilized button combinations [in its case, for attack combos] and, like Batman Forever, used photorealistic graphics.)

Fast Forward

• Lan Handermannek would appear again in independent, as would the "Mondo PrePro".