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'''These are the [[English language|English]] subtitles for [[bike thief]].''' [https://homestarrunner.com/sbemail178.html watch this toon]
'''[[HRWiki:Subtitles|HRWikiSubtitlesProject]]'''
To watch the toon with subtitles, we recommend that you install either the '''[[User:Phlip/Greasemonkey|All-In-One Greasemonkey script]]''' for Firefox or the '''[https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/homestar-all-in-one/ekecfcebbojjfaiendgjgcadampmppdb Homestar All-In-One extension]''' for Chrome.<br />It will give you the option to automatically display subtitles when you view toons on [https://homestarrunner.com/ homestarrunner.com] and those mirrored locally. Alternatively, you may use our [http://subtitles.hrwiki.org/sbemail178/en local viewer].
 
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| '''These are the [[English language|English]] subtitles for [[bike thief]].''' <span class="hovul" style="font-size:smaller;background:#EEE;border:1px #999 solid;padding:2px;margin-left:6px;white-space:nowrap">[https://homestarrunner.com/sbemail178.html watch this toon]</span>
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It will give you the option to automatically display subtitles when you view toons on [https://homestarrunner.com/ homestarrunner.com] and those mirrored locally. Alternatively, you may use our [http://subtitles.hrwiki.org/sbemail178/en local viewer].
 
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'''en''' 
 
[[Subtitles:sbemail178/de|de]] 
'''en'''  [[Subtitles:sbemail178/de|de]]  [[Subtitles:sbemail178/he|he]]  [[Subtitles:sbemail178/es|es]]  [[Subtitles:sbemail178/fr|fr]]  [[Subtitles:sbemail178/nl|nl]]  [[Subtitles:sbemail178/fi|fi]]  [[Subtitles:sbemail178/pl|pl]]  [[Subtitles:sbemail178/pt-br|pt-br]]  [[Subtitles:sbemail178/tr|tr]]
[[Subtitles:sbemail178/he|he]] 
 
[[Subtitles:sbemail178/es|es]] 
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[[Subtitles:sbemail178/fr|fr]] 
<pre>&lt;?xml version=&quot;1.0&quot; encoding=&quot;utf-8&quot;?&gt;
[[Subtitles:sbemail178/nl|nl]] 
&lt;transcript xml:lang=&quot;en-us&quot; file=&quot;sbemail178.swf&quot; width=&quot;550&quot; height=&quot;400&quot;&gt;
[[Subtitles:sbemail178/fi|fi]] 
&lt;line start=&quot;16&quot; end=&quot;44&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;Letters. And words.&lt;/line&gt;
[[Subtitles:sbemail178/pl|pl]] 
&lt;line start=&quot;46&quot; end=&quot;89&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;Emails get absurd, I just gotta jump back!&lt;/line&gt;
[[Subtitles:sbemail178/pt-br|pt-br]] 
&lt;line start=&quot;90&quot; end=&quot;106&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;&quot;Hey Strong Bad,&lt;/line&gt;
[[Subtitles:sbemail178/tr|tr]]
&lt;line start=&quot;107&quot; end=&quot;147&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;&quot;I'm at college and I need to keep my bike from being stolen.&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;148&quot; end=&quot;197&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;&quot;I figure if I think like a thief, I can figure out how to protect it.&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;198&quot; end=&quot;233&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;&quot;So, how would you try to steal my bike?&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;234&quot; end=&quot;260&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;&quot;Virginia, M I.&quot;&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;261&quot; end=&quot;298&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;Oh, not smart enough for MIT, huh?&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;299&quot; end=&quot;317&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;Just MI?&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;318&quot; end=&quot;365&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;Well first off, how do you know your crappy bike is even worth stealing?&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;366&quot; end=&quot;383&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;How many pegs you got?&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;384&quot; end=&quot;408&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;Mag wheels? White tires?&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;409&quot; end=&quot;435&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;Worthless baseball card in the spokes?&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;436&quot; end=&quot;466&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;If not, then you got nothing to worry about.&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;467&quot; end=&quot;532&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;What self-respecting bicycle thief would steal a (shudder) ten-speed?&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;533&quot; end=&quot;579&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;Or a (shudder, shudder) mounTAIN bike?&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;580&quot; end=&quot;611&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;The only thing those bikes gets you is tired.&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;612&quot; end=&quot;663&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;Any bike with a water bottle holder is a complete waste of bike.&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;664&quot; end=&quot;691&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;But, let's pretend you do have a cool bike.&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;692&quot; end=&quot;752&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;I would first go to my old thieving standby: dress up like a bush.&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;814&quot; end=&quot;842&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow!&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;843&quot; end=&quot;858&quot;&gt;&lt;pompom&gt;Bubbles&lt;/pompom&gt;&lt;strongbad&gt;Oh, I mean...&lt;/strongbad&gt;&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;859&quot; end=&quot;886&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;Bush. Bush. Leaves. Branch.&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;887&quot; end=&quot;904&quot;&gt;&lt;strongbad&gt;Bush. Bush. Leaves. Branch.&lt;/strongbad&gt;&lt;pompom&gt;Bubbles&lt;/pompom&gt;&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;905&quot; end=&quot;927&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;Um... Berries.&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;928&quot; end=&quot;985&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot; voiceover=&quot;voiceover&quot;&gt;And don't forget: dressing up as a bush is also a great way to get free pizza!&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;986&quot; end=&quot;1006&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;Can I have some free pizza?&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;1007&quot; end=&quot;1032&quot; speaker=&quot;bubs&quot;&gt;Sure thing, bush!&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;1033&quot; end=&quot;1083&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot; voiceover=&quot;voiceover&quot;&gt;Variations on this approach include dressing up as a cactus,&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;1084&quot; end=&quot;1110&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot; voiceover=&quot;voiceover&quot;&gt;A trashcan, or a barrel.&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;1111&quot; end=&quot;1153&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot; voiceover=&quot;voiceover&quot;&gt;Though, depending on your physique you could also dress up like...&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;1154&quot; end=&quot;1176&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot; voiceover=&quot;voiceover&quot;&gt;A hideous pile...&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;1177&quot; end=&quot;1193&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot; voiceover=&quot;voiceover&quot;&gt;Or a... &lt;span style=&quot;visibility:hidden&quot;&gt;textile factory?&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;1194&quot; end=&quot;1230&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot; voiceover=&quot;voiceover&quot;&gt;Or a... textile factory?&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;1231&quot; end=&quot;1289&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;So if I were you, I'd steer clear of pretty much anything with cartoon eyeholes.&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;1290&quot; end=&quot;1339&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;If that method didn't work for me, I'd go for the awkward swindle.&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;1340&quot; end=&quot;1384&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;This is especially effective on college campuses.&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;1396&quot; end=&quot;1425&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;Hey, brother. Hey, my bromide.&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;1426&quot; end=&quot;1462&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;You look like a cool guy who likes to progress.&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;1463&quot; end=&quot;1511&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;I was wondering if you'd be interested in signing this petition to ban roll-on...&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;1512&quot; end=&quot;1545&quot; speaker=&quot;homestar&quot;&gt;Oh, um, yeah, sorry, uh, I've got a class...&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;1546&quot; end=&quot;1561&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;Free vegan food...&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;1562&quot; end=&quot;1586&quot; speaker=&quot;homestar&quot;&gt;Er, my roommate's like... you know...&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;1587&quot; end=&quot;1597&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;Fellowship...&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;1598&quot; end=&quot;1617&quot; speaker=&quot;homestar&quot;&gt;So, my parents, um...&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;1618&quot; end=&quot;1629&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;Drum circle?&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;1630&quot; end=&quot;1644&quot; speaker=&quot;homestar&quot;&gt;Computer lab!&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;1645&quot; end=&quot;1670&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot; voiceover=&quot;voiceover&quot;&gt;Man. So effective!&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;1671&quot; end=&quot;1728&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot; voiceover=&quot;voiceover&quot;&gt;I've stolen people's lunches this way... their girlfriends... puppies even!&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;1729&quot; end=&quot;1747&quot; speaker=&quot;marzipan&quot;&gt;Hey, my bromide, wanna sign this--&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;1748&quot; end=&quot;1763&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;Meal plan!&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;1764&quot; end=&quot;1794&quot; speaker=&quot;marzipan&quot;&gt;Cool, man, free bike.&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;1795&quot; end=&quot;1833&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;But my all-time favorite thiefnique has got to be...&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;1834&quot; end=&quot;1893&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;The best use of black turtlenecks and suction cups ever devised:&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;1894&quot; end=&quot;1912&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;Cat-burgling!&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;1926&quot; end=&quot;1962&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;Almost... to the top!&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;2005&quot; end=&quot;2042&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;Aw, Ponch. Laser tech security!&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;2043&quot; end=&quot;2083&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;I'll have to employ some Chinese acrobatics!&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;2084&quot; end=&quot;2114&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot; sfx=&quot;sfx&quot;&gt;grunting&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;2115&quot; end=&quot;2169&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;Ugh, these suction cups are stuck to the side of this couchscraper.&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;2170&quot; end=&quot;2209&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;Ah, somebody? The Cheat?&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;2210&quot; end=&quot;2259&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;Come put that bicycle seat in my mouth! Gently!&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;2260&quot; end=&quot;2294&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;Aw, Jon! Light tech security!&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;2295&quot; end=&quot;2363&quot; speaker=&quot;strongsad&quot;&gt;Well, if you had agreed to play Cats the musical, instead of cat-burglar,&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;2364&quot; end=&quot;2407&quot; speaker=&quot;strongsad&quot;&gt;maybe you wouldn't be stuck to the back of the couch again.&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;2408&quot; end=&quot;2445&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;I would rather die.&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;2446&quot; end=&quot;2474&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;That's how I'd do it, College Bike Owner. &lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;2475&quot; end=&quot;2568&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;So keep away from shrubbery, don't talk to anyone with a clipboard, and avoid putting your bike on the roof of glass skyscrapers.&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;2569&quot; end=&quot;2597&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;Secret message to bike thieves!&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;2598&quot; end=&quot;2642&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;Bolt cutters, guys! Just use bolt cutters!&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;2643&quot; end=&quot;2685&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;We'll split the pawn-shop money fitty-fitty!&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;2686&quot; end=&quot;2700&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;See you next time!&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;2701&quot; end=&quot;2738&quot; speaker=&quot;newpaper&quot;&gt;Shuffling noises&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;2739&quot; end=&quot;2777&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;Nice try, New Papes.&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;2778&quot; end=&quot;2814&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;Though that does make me feel a little better...&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;2815&quot; end=&quot;2840&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;He was so stripedy...&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;2858&quot; end=&quot;2871&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;Whoa, what the?&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;2872&quot; end=&quot;2920&quot; speaker=&quot;homestar&quot;&gt;Garbage, garbage, rubbish...&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;2921&quot; end=&quot;2954&quot; speaker=&quot;homestar&quot;&gt;Umm... murder weapon.&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;2955&quot; end=&quot;2988&quot; speaker=&quot;strongbad&quot;&gt;Are you supposed to be a trash can or a robot?&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;2989&quot; end=&quot;3013&quot; speaker=&quot;homestar&quot;&gt;Um... &lt;span style=&quot;visibility:hidden&quot;&gt;You wanna sign this petition, my bromide?&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;line start=&quot;3014&quot; end=&quot;3047&quot; speaker=&quot;homestar&quot;&gt;Um... You wanna sign this petition, my bromide?&lt;/line&gt;
&lt;/transcript&gt;</pre>
<div id="catlinks" class="catlinks">
 
<div id="mw-normal-catlinks">
 
[/wiki/Special:Categories Category]: <span dir="ltr">[[Category:English Subtitles|English Subtitles]]</span>
 
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</div>
<pre>
<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="sbemail178.swf" width="550" height="400">
<line start="16" end="44" speaker="strongbad">Letters. And words.</line>
<line start="46" end="89" speaker="strongbad">Emails get absurd, I just gotta jump back!</line>
<line start="90" end="106" speaker="strongbad">"Hey Strong Bad,</line>
<line start="107" end="147" speaker="strongbad">"I'm at college and I need to keep my bike from being stolen.</line>
<line start="148" end="197" speaker="strongbad">"I figure if I think like a thief, I can figure out how to protect it.</line>
<line start="198" end="233" speaker="strongbad">"So, how would you try to steal my bike?</line>
<line start="234" end="260" speaker="strongbad">"Virginia, M I."</line>
<line start="261" end="298" speaker="strongbad">Oh, not smart enough for MIT, huh?</line>
<line start="299" end="317" speaker="strongbad">Just MI?</line>
<line start="318" end="365" speaker="strongbad">Well first off, how do you know your crappy bike is even worth stealing?</line>
<line start="366" end="383" speaker="strongbad">How many pegs you got?</line>
<line start="384" end="408" speaker="strongbad">Mag wheels? White tires?</line>
<line start="409" end="435" speaker="strongbad">Worthless baseball card in the spokes?</line>
<line start="436" end="466" speaker="strongbad">If not, then you got nothing to worry about.</line>
<line start="467" end="532" speaker="strongbad">What self-respecting bicycle thief would steal a (shudder) ten-speed?</line>
<line start="533" end="579" speaker="strongbad">Or a (shudder, shudder) mounTAIN bike?</line>
<line start="580" end="611" speaker="strongbad">The only thing those bikes gets you is tired.</line>
<line start="612" end="663" speaker="strongbad">Any bike with a water bottle holder is a complete waste of bike.</line>
<line start="664" end="691" speaker="strongbad">But, let's pretend you do have a cool bike.</line>
<line start="692" end="752" speaker="strongbad">I would first go to my old thieving standby: dress up like a bush.</line>
<line start="814" end="842" speaker="strongbad">Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow!</line>
<line start="843" end="858"><pompom>Bubbles</pompom><strongbad>Oh, I mean...</strongbad></line>
<line start="859" end="886" speaker="strongbad">Bush. Bush. Leaves. Branch.</line>
<line start="887" end="904"><strongbad>Bush. Bush. Leaves. Branch.</strongbad><pompom>Bubbles</pompom></line>
<line start="905" end="927" speaker="strongbad">Um... Berries.</line>
<line start="928" end="985" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">And don't forget: dressing up as a bush is also a great way to get free pizza!</line>
<line start="986" end="1006" speaker="strongbad">Can I have some free pizza?</line>
<line start="1007" end="1032" speaker="bubs">Sure thing, bush!</line>
<line start="1033" end="1083" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Variations on this approach include dressing up as a cactus,</line>
<line start="1084" end="1110" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">A trashcan, or a barrel.</line>
<line start="1111" end="1153" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Though, depending on your physique you could also dress up like...</line>
<line start="1154" end="1176" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">A hideous pile...</line>
<line start="1177" end="1193" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Or a... <span style="visibility:hidden">textile factory?</span></line>
<line start="1194" end="1230" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Or a... textile factory?</line>
<line start="1231" end="1289" speaker="strongbad">So if I were you, I'd steer clear of pretty much anything with cartoon eyeholes.</line>
<line start="1290" end="1339" speaker="strongbad">If that method didn't work for me, I'd go for the awkward swindle.</line>
<line start="1340" end="1384" speaker="strongbad">This is especially effective on college campuses.</line>
<line start="1396" end="1425" speaker="strongbad">Hey, brother. Hey, my bromide.</line>
<line start="1426" end="1462" speaker="strongbad">You look like a cool guy who likes to progress.</line>
<line start="1463" end="1511" speaker="strongbad">I was wondering if you'd be interested in signing this petition to ban roll-on...</line>
<line start="1512" end="1545" speaker="homestar">Oh, um, yeah, sorry, uh, I've got a class...</line>
<line start="1546" end="1561" speaker="strongbad">Free vegan food...</line>
<line start="1562" end="1586" speaker="homestar">Er, my roommate's like... you know...</line>
<line start="1587" end="1597" speaker="strongbad">Fellowship...</line>
<line start="1598" end="1617" speaker="homestar">So, my parents, um...</line>
<line start="1618" end="1629" speaker="strongbad">Drum circle?</line>
<line start="1630" end="1644" speaker="homestar">Computer lab!</line>
<line start="1645" end="1670" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Man. So effective!</line>
<line start="1671" end="1728" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">I've stolen people's lunches this way... their girlfriends... puppies even!</line>
<line start="1729" end="1747" speaker="marzipan">Hey, my bromide, wanna sign this--</line>
<line start="1748" end="1763" speaker="strongbad">Meal plan!</line>
<line start="1764" end="1794" speaker="marzipan">Cool, man, free bike.</line>
<line start="1795" end="1833" speaker="strongbad">But my all-time favorite thiefnique has got to be...</line>
<line start="1834" end="1893" speaker="strongbad">The best use of black turtlenecks and suction cups ever devised:</line>
<line start="1894" end="1912" speaker="strongbad">Cat-burgling!</line>
<line start="1926" end="1962" speaker="strongbad">Almost... to the top!</line>
<line start="2005" end="2042" speaker="strongbad">Aw, Ponch. Laser tech security!</line>
<line start="2043" end="2083" speaker="strongbad">I'll have to employ some Chinese acrobatics!</line>
<line start="2084" end="2114" speaker="strongbad" sfx="sfx">grunting</line>
<line start="2115" end="2169" speaker="strongbad">Ugh, these suction cups are stuck to the side of this couchscraper.</line>
<line start="2170" end="2209" speaker="strongbad">Ah, somebody? The Cheat?</line>
<line start="2210" end="2259" speaker="strongbad">Come put that bicycle seat in my mouth! Gently!</line>
<line start="2260" end="2294" speaker="strongbad">Aw, Jon! Light tech security!</line>
<line start="2295" end="2363" speaker="strongsad">Well, if you had agreed to play Cats the musical, instead of cat-burglar,</line>
<line start="2364" end="2407" speaker="strongsad">maybe you wouldn't be stuck to the back of the couch again.</line>
<line start="2408" end="2445" speaker="strongbad">I would rather die.</line>
<line start="2446" end="2474" speaker="strongbad">That's how I'd do it, College Bike Owner. </line>
<line start="2475" end="2568" speaker="strongbad">So keep away from shrubbery, don't talk to anyone with a clipboard, and avoid putting your bike on the roof of glass skyscrapers.</line>
<line start="2569" end="2597" speaker="strongbad">Secret message to bike thieves!</line>
<line start="2598" end="2642" speaker="strongbad">Bolt cutters, guys! Just use bolt cutters!</line>
<line start="2643" end="2685" speaker="strongbad">We'll split the pawn-shop money fitty-fitty!</line>
<line start="2686" end="2700" speaker="strongbad">See you next time!</line>
<line start="2701" end="2738" speaker="newpaper">Shuffling noises</line>
<line start="2739" end="2777" speaker="strongbad">Nice try, New Papes.</line>
<line start="2778" end="2814" speaker="strongbad">Though that does make me feel a little better...</line>
<line start="2815" end="2840" speaker="strongbad">He was so stripedy...</line>
<line start="2858" end="2871" speaker="strongbad">Whoa, what the?</line>
<line start="2872" end="2920" speaker="homestar">Garbage, garbage, rubbish...</line>
<line start="2921" end="2954" speaker="homestar">Umm... murder weapon.</line>
<line start="2955" end="2988" speaker="strongbad">Are you supposed to be a trash can or a robot?</line>
<line start="2989" end="3013" speaker="homestar">Um... <span style="visibility:hidden">You wanna sign this petition, my bromide?</span></line>
<line start="3014" end="3047" speaker="homestar">Um... You wanna sign this petition, my bromide?</line>
</transcript>
</pre>
[[Category:English Subtitles]]


Latest revision as of 14:24, 14 July 2026

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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<transcript xml:lang="en-us" file="sbemail178.swf" width="550" height="400">
<line start="16" end="44" speaker="strongbad">Letters. And words.</line>
<line start="46" end="89" speaker="strongbad">Emails get absurd, I just gotta jump back!</line>
<line start="90" end="106" speaker="strongbad">"Hey Strong Bad,</line>
<line start="107" end="147" speaker="strongbad">"I'm at college and I need to keep my bike from being stolen.</line>
<line start="148" end="197" speaker="strongbad">"I figure if I think like a thief, I can figure out how to protect it.</line>
<line start="198" end="233" speaker="strongbad">"So, how would you try to steal my bike?</line>
<line start="234" end="260" speaker="strongbad">"Virginia, M I."</line>
<line start="261" end="298" speaker="strongbad">Oh, not smart enough for MIT, huh?</line>
<line start="299" end="317" speaker="strongbad">Just MI?</line>
<line start="318" end="365" speaker="strongbad">Well first off, how do you know your crappy bike is even worth stealing?</line>
<line start="366" end="383" speaker="strongbad">How many pegs you got?</line>
<line start="384" end="408" speaker="strongbad">Mag wheels? White tires?</line>
<line start="409" end="435" speaker="strongbad">Worthless baseball card in the spokes?</line>
<line start="436" end="466" speaker="strongbad">If not, then you got nothing to worry about.</line>
<line start="467" end="532" speaker="strongbad">What self-respecting bicycle thief would steal a (shudder) ten-speed?</line>
<line start="533" end="579" speaker="strongbad">Or a (shudder, shudder) mounTAIN bike?</line>
<line start="580" end="611" speaker="strongbad">The only thing those bikes gets you is tired.</line>
<line start="612" end="663" speaker="strongbad">Any bike with a water bottle holder is a complete waste of bike.</line>
<line start="664" end="691" speaker="strongbad">But, let's pretend you do have a cool bike.</line>
<line start="692" end="752" speaker="strongbad">I would first go to my old thieving standby: dress up like a bush.</line>
<line start="814" end="842" speaker="strongbad">Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow!</line>
<line start="843" end="858"><pompom>Bubbles</pompom><strongbad>Oh, I mean...</strongbad></line>
<line start="859" end="886" speaker="strongbad">Bush. Bush. Leaves. Branch.</line>
<line start="887" end="904"><strongbad>Bush. Bush. Leaves. Branch.</strongbad><pompom>Bubbles</pompom></line>
<line start="905" end="927" speaker="strongbad">Um... Berries.</line>
<line start="928" end="985" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">And don't forget: dressing up as a bush is also a great way to get free pizza!</line>
<line start="986" end="1006" speaker="strongbad">Can I have some free pizza?</line>
<line start="1007" end="1032" speaker="bubs">Sure thing, bush!</line>
<line start="1033" end="1083" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Variations on this approach include dressing up as a cactus,</line>
<line start="1084" end="1110" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">A trashcan, or a barrel.</line>
<line start="1111" end="1153" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Though, depending on your physique you could also dress up like...</line>
<line start="1154" end="1176" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">A hideous pile...</line>
<line start="1177" end="1193" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Or a... <span style="visibility:hidden">textile factory?</span></line>
<line start="1194" end="1230" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Or a... textile factory?</line>
<line start="1231" end="1289" speaker="strongbad">So if I were you, I'd steer clear of pretty much anything with cartoon eyeholes.</line>
<line start="1290" end="1339" speaker="strongbad">If that method didn't work for me, I'd go for the awkward swindle.</line>
<line start="1340" end="1384" speaker="strongbad">This is especially effective on college campuses.</line>
<line start="1396" end="1425" speaker="strongbad">Hey, brother. Hey, my bromide.</line>
<line start="1426" end="1462" speaker="strongbad">You look like a cool guy who likes to progress.</line>
<line start="1463" end="1511" speaker="strongbad">I was wondering if you'd be interested in signing this petition to ban roll-on...</line>
<line start="1512" end="1545" speaker="homestar">Oh, um, yeah, sorry, uh, I've got a class...</line>
<line start="1546" end="1561" speaker="strongbad">Free vegan food...</line>
<line start="1562" end="1586" speaker="homestar">Er, my roommate's like... you know...</line>
<line start="1587" end="1597" speaker="strongbad">Fellowship...</line>
<line start="1598" end="1617" speaker="homestar">So, my parents, um...</line>
<line start="1618" end="1629" speaker="strongbad">Drum circle?</line>
<line start="1630" end="1644" speaker="homestar">Computer lab!</line>
<line start="1645" end="1670" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">Man. So effective!</line>
<line start="1671" end="1728" speaker="strongbad" voiceover="voiceover">I've stolen people's lunches this way... their girlfriends... puppies even!</line>
<line start="1729" end="1747" speaker="marzipan">Hey, my bromide, wanna sign this--</line>
<line start="1748" end="1763" speaker="strongbad">Meal plan!</line>
<line start="1764" end="1794" speaker="marzipan">Cool, man, free bike.</line>
<line start="1795" end="1833" speaker="strongbad">But my all-time favorite thiefnique has got to be...</line>
<line start="1834" end="1893" speaker="strongbad">The best use of black turtlenecks and suction cups ever devised:</line>
<line start="1894" end="1912" speaker="strongbad">Cat-burgling!</line>
<line start="1926" end="1962" speaker="strongbad">Almost... to the top!</line>
<line start="2005" end="2042" speaker="strongbad">Aw, Ponch. Laser tech security!</line>
<line start="2043" end="2083" speaker="strongbad">I'll have to employ some Chinese acrobatics!</line>
<line start="2084" end="2114" speaker="strongbad" sfx="sfx">grunting</line>
<line start="2115" end="2169" speaker="strongbad">Ugh, these suction cups are stuck to the side of this couchscraper.</line>
<line start="2170" end="2209" speaker="strongbad">Ah, somebody? The Cheat?</line>
<line start="2210" end="2259" speaker="strongbad">Come put that bicycle seat in my mouth! Gently!</line>
<line start="2260" end="2294" speaker="strongbad">Aw, Jon! Light tech security!</line>
<line start="2295" end="2363" speaker="strongsad">Well, if you had agreed to play Cats the musical, instead of cat-burglar,</line>
<line start="2364" end="2407" speaker="strongsad">maybe you wouldn't be stuck to the back of the couch again.</line>
<line start="2408" end="2445" speaker="strongbad">I would rather die.</line>
<line start="2446" end="2474" speaker="strongbad">That's how I'd do it, College Bike Owner. </line>
<line start="2475" end="2568" speaker="strongbad">So keep away from shrubbery, don't talk to anyone with a clipboard, and avoid putting your bike on the roof of glass skyscrapers.</line>
<line start="2569" end="2597" speaker="strongbad">Secret message to bike thieves!</line>
<line start="2598" end="2642" speaker="strongbad">Bolt cutters, guys! Just use bolt cutters!</line>
<line start="2643" end="2685" speaker="strongbad">We'll split the pawn-shop money fitty-fitty!</line>
<line start="2686" end="2700" speaker="strongbad">See you next time!</line>
<line start="2701" end="2738" speaker="newpaper">Shuffling noises</line>
<line start="2739" end="2777" speaker="strongbad">Nice try, New Papes.</line>
<line start="2778" end="2814" speaker="strongbad">Though that does make me feel a little better...</line>
<line start="2815" end="2840" speaker="strongbad">He was so stripedy...</line>
<line start="2858" end="2871" speaker="strongbad">Whoa, what the?</line>
<line start="2872" end="2920" speaker="homestar">Garbage, garbage, rubbish...</line>
<line start="2921" end="2954" speaker="homestar">Umm... murder weapon.</line>
<line start="2955" end="2988" speaker="strongbad">Are you supposed to be a trash can or a robot?</line>
<line start="2989" end="3013" speaker="homestar">Um... <span style="visibility:hidden">You wanna sign this petition, my bromide?</span></line>
<line start="3014" end="3047" speaker="homestar">Um... You wanna sign this petition, my bromide?</line>
</transcript>
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