Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 14.2

"They need all the firepower they can get."

In this installment, Coach Z has shin tryouts, Strong Sad plans April Fools' pranks, Crack Stuntman gives guns to pandas, Strong Bad imitates a phone robot, and Homestar doesn't know what he's talking about.

Cast (in order of appearance): Marzipan, Coach Z, Homestar Runner, Strong Sad, Crack Stuntman, Strong Bad

Places: Marzipan's House, The Field (Easter egg)

Date: Monday, March 5, 2007

Running Time: 4:06

Page Title: Marzipan's Answering Machine

DVD:Everything Else, Volume 3

Transcript

Marzipan's Greeting

MARZIPAN: Aloha, this is Marzipan. I'm lounging on the lanai, enjoying a wheatgrass-tini, in my wheatgrass-kini. Please leave a mauka-makai-message.

Message 6

COACH Z: Hey, Marzipan, it's Coach Z! Just calling to remind yous that spring shin tryouts are just around the corner. Don't forget to bring your shin-guards and your shin-pads and your shin-protectors and your shin-rub. Uh, don't worry about shin-balls, we'll provide those, but this'll be your week to bring the shin-snack, so, you know, bring orange slices or some Cheetos or... Pretty much anything orange works for a good shin-snack. And get ready to scrimmage our bitter rivals: {Pause} Skins.

Message 5

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey, Marzipan, it's Homestar... and, um... crap. What was I calling you for? I was gonna ask you something... about... something. Aw, never mind. If I think of it, I'll call you back. Now give me that beep!

Message 4

STRONG SAD: Uh, hello? This is the King of April Fool's Day pranks, calling her Majesty, the Queen of April Fool's Day pranks. Remember that time we replaced everybody's toilet paper with 100% post-consumer recycled toilet paper? Nobody knew what hit 'em! Literally, they didn't know... that we had done that! So for this year, I was thinking we could make everyone a cinnamon-apple crisp, but tell them it's a ginger-apple crumble. I know, I know, I'm so bad! But we could get in some serious trouble for this one. In fact, I probably shouldn't even be talking about it on the phone. Uh, uh, {begins talking at a faster pace} slow-pitch racquetball? I'd love to play slow-pitch racquetball! In fact, that's what this whole conversation's been about. Okay, so l-long!

Message 3

CRACK STUNTMAN: Hello, Marzipan. Thiiiiis is Crack Stuntman. I'm the handsome actor that's handsomely paid to do the voice of {pauses; attempting to remember the name} Gunhaver {pronounces it "Gun-hay-ver"} on the Cheat Command-show. As national spokesperson for a charitable wildlife organization, I'm demanding that you stop protesting in our rallies! {Pistols for Pandas poster appears} Pistols for Pandas is a just cause! These are stupid, fat, slow creatures we're talking about. They need all the firepower they can get. Last year alone, the PFP put handguns in the paws of no fewer than 300 underprivileged and unarmed pandas. And what do you care? People like you don't even eat panda! This is Crack Stuntman, signing off. And signing autographs at the North Garden Ridges Hills Mall this Saturday! {sings to the tune of the "Buy all our playsets and toys!" theme} Da-da-da-da-da-da-dah!

Message 2

STRONG BAD: {jerkily throughout, as if he's an automated phone robot} Hello—Marzipan. This is—Nadine—Automatedmenuburger—calling from—Trusted—Financial—Institution. To check on the status of an existing gigantic butt, please press or say—"gigantobutt"—now. Or—to place a new—six foot Italian sub—in—Strong Bad—'s—hands, please hang up—and do that mess—right now. I'm sorry—I didn't catch that. I think you said—"gigantobutt". If this is correct, please press or say—"yes". I'm sorry—I think you said—"yes". If this is correct, please press or say—"total yes". I'm sorry—I didn't catch that. Let's start again. To check on the status—of an existing butt that's so big it has its own Congressman, please press or say— {Gets cut off by the beep}

Message 1

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey Marzipan, I remembered what it was! I'm actively sinking in quicksand! So, if you have any vines or roots that you can toss my way, I would be really, really still alive. Now bring that beep back!

Easter Eggs

"Somewheres, out theres..."

• After the last message, click on the tape holder to see Homestar in the quicksand:

{Homestar is in the Field at nighttime, sitting in the Kiddie Pool from stunt double, which is full of sand, and has a telephone in it. The sign on the sandbox reads "QUiCK SAnD"} HOMESTAR RUNNER: {sighs and sings} Somewheres, out theres... {a shooting star goes overhead}

Fun Facts

Explanations

• "Skins" as a team name refers to the practice of playing pick-up games in certain sports as Shirts and Skins.
• Wheatgrass is a vitamin-rich plant used in many health foods.
• Lanai is the Hawaiian word for 'porch'.
• Mauka is Hawaiian for "toward the mountains", and makai is Hawaiian for "toward the ocean".
• Congressional districts are apportioned to states based on relative population size.
• Slow-pitch racquetball is not the name of a real sport, but rather a combination of Slow Pitch softball and racquetball.

Trivia

• This is the first Marzipan's Answering Machine to show a location other than Marzipan's house.

Remarks

• The wheatgrasstini that Marzipan is drinking might be another example of alcohol.

Inside References

• "Wheatgrasstini" and "Wheatgrasskini" are examples of portmanteaus.
• Coach Z's message may be a reference to Marzipan's lack of visible legs (though Marzipan herself claims to have shins in date).
• "QUiCK SAnD" is another case of lowercase i's.
• Trusted Financial Institution is an example of a nondescript noun.
• The logo for Pistols for Pandas has a picture of a panda with two guns for eyebrows.
• Strong Sad uses toilet paper in his April Fools' prank.

Real-World References

• Homestar sings the song "Somewhere Out There" (which was also mentioned and sung by Strong Bad in the commentary for rock opera) from An American Tail, but adds an "s" to the end of "somewhere" and "there".
• Homestar's second reference to the beep, "Bring that beep back!", refers to a sample used in a handful of early '90s DJ tunes, in which the DJ stops the music and a voice yells "Bring that beat back!" This is prominently used in the song "Spin That Wheel" by Hi Tek 3 on the soundtrack to the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie and in "Justified and Ancient (Stand by the JAMs)" by The KLF.
• Cheetos are an orange, cheese-flavored snack food.

Fast Forward

• Crack Stuntman appears in person in An Important Rap Song with visors that say "Pistols for Pandas".
• Crack Stuntman also does a brief statement on behalf of the "Pistols for Pandas" organization.

External Links

• watch "Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 14.2"
• watch "Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 14.2" on the old Flash site
• view the Flash file for "Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 14.2"
• forum thread re: "Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 14.2"