record book

Strong Bad Email #134

watch ← bottom 10 lady...ing →

Biggest Waste of Dump.

Strong Bad gathers records for Count Longardeaux's Book of Party Tricks, Redneck Jokes, and Worldly Records.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Coach Z, Lil' Strong Bad (pictured), Strong Sad, The King of Town, Homestar Runner, Homsar, Strong Mad (pictured), Bubs (pictured), The Cheat

Places: Computer Room, Strong Sad's Room, King of Town's Castle, The Field

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: Monday, July 25, 2005

Running Time: 3:51

Page Title: Lappy 486

DVD: strongbad_email.exe Disc Five

Transcript

STRONG BAD: {singing} Drape it over your aaaaaaarms, step out in styyyyyle, Strong Bad Emaaaaaaail... {starts reading}

subject: records

dear strong bad,
i was wondering if you were in the record book. if so,
what for?

nathan, tx

{Strong Bad says "book" as "bük" and says "tx" as "Tee-Ex" (that is, as the individual letters).}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Oooh, the Nathan TX! That has, like, way four more cylinders than the standard Nathan. Better Blue Book value, too. I can't remember if I'm in the record book or not. Seems like I should be. Let's take a look. A book-look. {pronounced like "bük luke"}

{Cut to a table. Strong Bad places "THE RECORD BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS The Book!" on the table.}

STRONG BAD: All right, let's see what we got in here.

{He opens the book to page 42. The page shows a picture of a really dirty Coach Z with an afro and mustache, and reads "Chapter 4 - Records of Smell, Longest Showerless Streak 65 Days, 3 Hours, 42 Minutes: COACH Z."}

STRONG BAD: 65 days?! That's way outdated! I'm pretty sure he's surpassed that one by several fortnights at this point.

{Turns to page 116. This page shows young Strong Bad in a diaper and reads "Chapter 4 - Records of Smell, Dirtiest Diapey, Very, Very Dirty: LIL' STRONG BAD."}

STRONG BAD: Dirtiest Diape— Whoa! {throws eggs, bacon, and coffee on the page and makes coughing noises} Coffee, eggs, bacon! Oh, too bad, I accidentally made breakfast all over whatever that record was for.

{Cut back to the Lappy}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Clearly, this book is in serious need of an update. Let's begin with the title. How about: Count Longardeaux's Book of Party Tricks, Redneck Jokes, and Worldly Records. {The book appears} Now that sounds like a book worthy of every toilet-side magazine basket. Now let's go see about updating some o' them records.

{He gets up. We now see Strong Sad, holding a magnifying glass and humming softly, writing on a grain of rice. His face is magnified. Strong Bad walks up.}

STRONG BAD: 'Sup, double-bottom? How much you weigh?

STRONG SAD: What do you wanna know that for?

STRONG BAD: Count Longardeaux has me out gathering new records {holds up a clipboard, which has a paper on it that reads "who the fattest?"} for his record book.

STRONG SAD: Oh! Well then this should interest you! I've transcribed Paradise Lost onto this single grain of basmati rice! {Cut to a view of the rice grain through the magnifying glass.} In four languages!

STRONG BAD: Oh, yeah! That definitely deserves a record!

{A buzzer is heard and a page of the book is shown. It reads "Chapter 7 - Records of Loneliness, Biggest Waste of Dump: Strong "The Biggest Waste of Dump" Sad." The picture shows Strong Sad looking through his magnifying glass at the camera, smiling.}

{Cut to the King of Town's castle. The King of Town is seen with a giant pile of salt in front of him. Strong Bad walks up.}

STRONG BAD: All right, King o' Town, I need some disgusting eating records. Why don't you just, uh, have lunch, and I'm sure you'll set several without even trying.

THE KING OF TOWN: Ooh! I like eating lunch! Today I'm having a giant pile of salt!

{The camera pans over, and we can now see the entire pile. We can also see a salt shaker labeled with the number "7" sitting near the pile.}

THE KING OF TOWN: Vwoooooooooooooooooo-foop!

{The King sucks it all in in one gulp, like a vacuum cleaner, including the salt shaker.}

STRONG BAD: Whoa! Nice woik!

{The King seems to hiccup three times.}

STRONG BAD: What, you got-a some hiccups?

{The King "hiccups" again.}

THE KING OF TOWN: Nope. Those, my friend, are heart attacks!

{Another buzzer, another page that reads "Chapter 3 - Disgusting Eating/Old Person Records, Least Healthiest (Man?): The King of Town." The picture shows The King along with seven salt shakers (one of them laying on its side) and a salt can that is partially cut off the picture. The King "hiccups" again.}

{Cut to Homestar Runner in The Field on his soapbox, which now reads "THIRTEEN, Y'ALL."}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: What do you call a redneck, with no teeth, that watches stock car racing all day? Ba-ha-ha-haaa! Man, they do not wear shirts!

{Cut to Strong Bad and Coach Z, also in The Field.}

STRONG BAD: So, Coach Z, what kind of wonderment do you have in store for us? That's not shower-related?

COACH Z: Well, I'm gonna set the world record for puttin' nine pieces {starts putting nine pieces of chewed gum on his face} of chewed gum up on my face and singin' the "I'm Just Me" song and hoppin' around on one foot! {He starts hopping on one foot.}

STRONG BAD: Coach...

COACH Z: {singing} I'm just me! {Strong Bad shakes his head.} Can't you see? {Strong Bad starts hitting himself.} I'm just a silly little bumblebee!

STRONG BAD: Oh, please stop! {Coach Z stops hopping and singing, but remains on one foot.} Look, you can't just make up some random crap that no one else will ever do and call that a record. {Cut to Homsar, hopping on one foot with nine pieces of chewed gum on his face. The music from Homsar's character video plays.} Count Longardeaux would not stand for—

HOMSAR: I'm just me! Can't you see? I'm just a silly little bumblebee!

{Homestar pops up.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: What does a redneck man call a dead possum lyin' in the middle of the road? Ba-ha-ha-haa! Probably sushi!

{An unseen audience groans.}

{Cut back to the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Well, I think we're just about done here. Strong Mad set the record—

{A page of the book that reads "Chapter 2 - Special Records, Most Macaronis Nailed To A Paper Towel Tube... By Strong Mad (Just One!): Strong Mad." The picture shows Strong Mad holding his tube. It has many holes in it and at the top is one macaroni nailed into it.}

STRONG BAD: —for Most Macaronis Nailed To A Paper Towel Tube...By Strong Mad.

{Another page, "Chapter 11 - Records of Smell/Track and Field, Pole Vault, 20 ft. 1.5 in.: Marzipan" appears. This one has no picture, and instead there is a black box that reads "Surprisingly, No Photo Available."}

STRONG BAD: Marzipan set the World Record for the pole vault. And Bubs won Cutest Couple.

{Yet another page, this one reading "Chapter 9 - Superlatives, Cutest Couple: Bubs" with a picture of Bubs (and no one else) in the Concession Stand, trying to look cute.}

STRONG BAD: Oh, wait, I forgot about me. I gots to get in this record book somehow. I'll get the record for...

{Cut back to show The Cheat standing nearby.}

THE CHEAT: {makes The Cheat noises}

STRONG BAD: What?! "Most rectangular mouth?!" My mouth can be round!

THE CHEAT: {makes The Cheat noises and puts his hands on his hips}

STRONG BAD: What a bunch of bull {making his mouth as round as possible} hOOOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOOOO—

{A buzzer is heard, followed by a page appears that reads "Chapter 7 - Saying Words For A Long Time Records, Longest 'Bull Honkey', 13.4 Seconds: The Human Strong Bad." The picture shows Strong Bad in the same position he was just seen in.}

STRONG BAD: —nkey. Bull honkey.

{The Paper comes down. Instead of the normal Back button, Count Longardeaux's image has a speech bubble reading "Back" in its place.}

Easter Eggs

Way four more cylinders!

• Near the beginning, click on "standard Nathan" to see a drawing of "Standard Nathan" (some generic man) on an index card.
  • As the picture zooms in, it shows "the Nathan TX," which shows a weird smiling car in front of Standard Nathan. It is labeled "built-in smoke" (pointing to smoke from the tires), "3 front wheels" (pointing to its multiple front wheels), and "nathan" (pointing to Nathan).
• When the King of Town is eating the salt, click on the salt shaker to see a can of "Standard Nathan" Brand salt. (The link continues to work after the King has sucked up the shaker)
• While Homestar Runner is telling his second redneck joke, click on Homsar in the background to see his record page. It reads "Chapter 81 - Awkwardnesses, The Semi-Annual Mustard Man Award Or Best Offer!: Homsar" and shows Homsar with the gum on his face and his hat over his eyes, but in a different background.

Fun Facts

Explanations

• The King of Town had a series of heart attacks after eating the pile of salt because it contains sodium, a chemical element linked to high blood pressure. Persistent high blood pressure is a risk factor for heart attacks.
• "Superlatives" is a category usually found in high school yearbooks where students vote for the classmates who fit the category, such as "cutest couple".

Trivia

• The label on the disk in the floppy disk container reads "crush, crumble, & chomp".
• The YouTube description for this email is "Strong Bad tries to get a world record for his new record book. Other great stuff happens, too."

Remarks

• At the time of this email's release, the women's pole vault world record was 16 ft 4¾ in, set days earlier on July 22, 2005.
  • The record has stood at 16'7" since 2009 — meaning Marzipan would still hold the record.
  • As of 2014, the men's pole vault world record has surpassed Marzipan's best.
• Though Strong Bad's record says "13.4 seconds", he only says "Bull Honkey" for 10.8 seconds, counting both "Bull" and the silent pause before "key". Just the Hooo– part lasts for 8.1 seconds. However from the time he starts saying "Bull Honkey" to The Paper coming down is 13.4 seconds. The number is more likely to refer to the fact that this is email #134.
• When Strong Bad was turning to the "Dirtiest Diapey" record, it looked like he was turning two pages, but instead, he turned seventy-four pages. Also, the same chapter (Chapter 4 - Records of Smell) continues 74 pages further.
• "Least healthiest man" is grammatically incorrect. It should be either "least healthy man" or "unhealthiest man".
• When Strong Bad spills breakfast on the record book, he is shown telling another blatant lie.
• Ironically, Strong Bad's mouth remains rectangular instead of becoming round (as it normally does when he pronounces the "ou" sound) during "Most Rectangular Mouth!?".
• Although Strong Bad tells Coach Z that he can't win a record for "mak[ing] up some random crap that no one else will ever do," Strong Mad apparently does just that by nailing macaroni to a paper towel tube.
  • Strong Bad himself gets into the record book with a similar gimmick.
• Count Longardeaux's book apparently has two chapter sevens — one for "Records of Loneliness", and one for "Saying Words For A Long Time Records."

Goofs

• Even after the King of Town swallows up the salt shaker and the record page appears, the Easter egg can still be activated. However, after the record page comes up, the Easter egg cannot be seen behind the record page.
• While Strong Bad is turned away from the Lappy, part of the screen is going over the outside of its normal area.

Inside References

• The intro song mentions style.
• Strong Bad spills coffee, eggs, and bacon on his outdated record book.
• The tune which Strong Bad sings during the email's intro is similar to the tune which plays whenever a recipe card appears during the email secret recipes.
• Coach Z was seen with an afro and mustache in stand-up.
• The salt shaker labeled '7' that the King of Town is seen eating from is also used in Meet Marshie.
• "You got-a some hiccups?" is the same line Strong Bad used in Halloween Fairstival when The Cheat got the hiccups.
• The Soapbox Homestar stands on has been seen before in fingers and army, with labels containing "eleven" and "twelve", respectively (in this email it contains "thirteen").
• The music played while Homsar hops on one foot is from his character video.
• The buzzer that is played when the pages appear on the screen is that same one that's used for the DELETED screen.
• The groans heard when Homestar tells his second redneck joke are from Senorial Day.
• Coach Z has the record for "longest showerless streak."
• Strong Bad saying "nice woik" is example of "Er" pronounced as "Oi".
• Strong Bad's pronunciation of "book" was heard in kids' book.
• Strong Mad and Strong Sad both smile in their record pictures.

Real-World References

• "Blue Book" refers to the Kelley Blue Book, a resource (originally distributed in book form) for determining the value of used cars. It is widely used by both buyers and sellers.
• Paradise Lost is an epic blank-verse poem, consisting of approximately 80,000 words, written in 1667 by English poet John Milton.
• The Standard Nathan Brand Salt container is drawn to resemble the Morton Salt container.
• "Nathan TX" refers to the nomenclature of some makes of automobile; often, there is a base model, and then a higher end model differentiated by the additional letters. Luxury editions will usually be differentiated by a series containing an "x', such as the Honda Accord EX or LX.
• Strong Bad's remark that "you can't just make up some random crap that no-one will ever do and call that a record" is a possible reference to the Guinness World Records Primetime TV show, which depicted several obscure records, such as "Most bubbles blown with a tarantula in the mouth" or "Farthest distance of milk squirted from eye."
• Homestar's mention of "stock car racing" refers to the stereotype that NASCAR is only popular in the Southern United States, especially among rednecks. This is partially due to NASCAR having its origins in places like Daytona, Florida and Talladega, Alabama.

Fast Forward

• Bull Honkey is later seen in road trip as an energy drink.
• The Count Longardeaux branding returns in dictionary.

DVD Version

• The Nathan TX Easter egg shows the TX drawing after flying in, switching to the Standard Nathan after a few seconds.
• The DVD version features hidden creators' commentary. To access it, switch the DVD player's audio language selection while watching.

Commentary Transcript

{Commentary by: Mike Chapman, Strong Bad, Ryan Sterritt}

STRONG BAD: I mean, I remember as a kid thinking that the Guinness Book of World Records was like, up there with the Bible. {Mike chuckles} It's like, there was the Bible, and there was the Guinness... The Guinness Man.

MIKE: It seemed a lot more important back then than it does now, that's for sure.

STRONG BAD: It's true.

MIKE: I also just used to read it.

STRONG BAD: Yeah. Oh, definitely, it was the most checked out book in the library!

RYAN: Do you think kids still read it, or is it just—

MIKE: I don't know.

STRONG BAD: I can't ima— I me— I mean, they have to! The dudes with curly Q, like, fingernails. Remember that guy in India?

MIKE: And those twins on the motorcycles?

STRONG BAD: Yeah!

MIKE: Those guys were stylish.

STRONG BAD: And the fattest man, you could look at the fattest man for hours.

MIKE: Seriously, The Tallest Man? Though, I think he was 8'11".

STRONG BAD: That is tall.

MIKE: That's insanely tall.

RYAN: Wow.

STRONG BAD: That guy—

MIKE: I don't know of anybody— I've never heard of anyone else being 8 feet tall.

{Strong Bad spills breakfast all over his record.}

STRONG BAD: Tha- tha- that- that time, that was totally... breakfast. {Mike laughs} Yeah.

MIKE: Uhhh... something's going on beneath the coffee there.

STRONG BAD: No, no, there... there definitely wasn't. I always keep a little breakfast in my pocket, {Mike laughs} in case, uh... of an embarrassing situation.

RYAN: Fried egg.

MIKE: You just throw, uh... the breakfast out?

STRONG BAD: And nobody— everybody's totally distracted. "Oh, breakfast!" {Mike laughs} It doesn't matter what happened. You accidentally poop your pants or something, in public. {pauses} Oh. What do you think the mysterious Count Longardeaux. Does he live in a castle?

MIKE: Probably.

STRONG BAD: Atop a hill?

{long pause until the scene with Strong Sad writing on the rice}

STRONG BAD: You can always get these, you know, like at the beach or whatever, there'll be some scene painted on a grain of rice.

MIKE: You— you ever got one of those?

STRONG BAD: Key West. {Mike and Ryan laugh}

MIKE: I've never heard that.

STRONG BAD: You've never seen that?

MIKE: I've seen things written, but I've never seen... I've seen them for sale in gift shops.

STRONG BAD: Well right... that's what I'm sayin'.

MIKE: That's cool, man! You should buy one!

STRONG BAD: Yeah, well, maybe you should buy one. {Mike and Ryan laugh}

{pause until The King of Town starts sucking in the salt}

STRONG BAD: I like the sound the King makes. {all three laugh} Whoa-ho-ho! Look out dude, he got the 7... the 7 shaker. {long pause} I'll say that again in a different cra-toon!

MIKE: They're all seven—

STRONG BAD: What that thing next to him? You see that, there was a... {sees Homestar} What is he doing? Man. And what is with that soap box that keeps counting up?

MIKE: It gets one... It gets one more every time.

STRONG BAD: One louder! {long pause} Ryan.

RYAN: Strong Bad.

STRONG BAD: What's one of your favorite records-book-type things? Or like, freakshow types?

RYAN: The hai— the hairy forehead.

STRONG BAD: {laughing} The hairy forehead? {Mike laughs}

RYAN: It was always a favorite.

STRONG BAD: That's a good one. {sees him hitting himself} Oh-ho! I hated it so much, I had to punch myself in the face, to offset how much I hated it. {Ryan and Mike laugh} That seems like, half of the stuff you'd see, though, in the Guiness book. It'd be like, some guy's like, "Oh, I'm gonna do some arbitrary thing."

MIKE: "I'm gonna put a bunch of, uh... bees on my face."

STRONG BAD: Yeah, the— The beard of bees? {Mike laughs} Man, that is no kind of record. {pause} It's stupid... and fun to watch. but it's not—

MIKE: It's not a world record.

STRONG BAD: No!

MIKE: That's designated for things like the longest hair.

STRONG BAD: That's right!

MIKE: Legitimate feats of wonder.

STRONG BAD: Exactly! Longest fingernails. {long pause until Marzipan's record is shown} Yeah.

MIKE: She beat Sergey Bubka's record, maybe?

STRONG BAD: I think so! Awwwwww, Bubs! Cutest couple.

{long pause until Strong Bad's mouth is mentioned}

MIKE: Crush {unintelligible}.

STRONG BAD: {overlapping} Look, this...is my fleshtangle, and I don't know why I didn't tell nobody at the time.

MIKE: A fleshtangle, huh?

STRONG BAD: That's what I call it. A fleshtangle of mouth. {pause} That's a pretty good Bull Honkey!

MIKE: I bet I can beat that.

STRONG BAD: Oh, yeah? I can go right now! {makes a long "OoOoOooO..." sound that lasts until the email ends.}

Fun Facts

• Robert Wadlow is in the Guinness Book of World Records as the tallest man who ever lived. He was, as noted, 8'11" tall at time of death.
• Sergey Bubka is a retired Ukrainian pole vaulter who is the current world record holder for indoor (6.15 meters) and outdoor (6.14 meters) for pole vault.
• The "twins on the motorcyles" are The McGuire Twins, who were listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as the world's heaviest twins.

External Links

• watch "record book"
• watch "record book" on YouTube
• watch "record book" on the old Flash site
• view the Flash file for "record book"
• forum thread re: "record book"