licensed

Strong Bad Email #190

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"—and I just got in this shipment of Strong Bad brand ferret ointment."

Strong Bad discusses what sort of merchandise he has licensed.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, Biscuitdoughhandsman, Lady, Senor Cardgage (Voice only), Coach Z, The Cheat, Pom Pom, Bubs, Homestar Runner

Places: Computer Room, Papa Cardgage's Puddin' Patch, Bubs' Concession Stand

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Running Time: 4:18

Page Title: Lappy 486

DVD: strongbad_email.exe Disc Six

Transcript

STRONG BAD: {singing} Save the gross stuff up at the back of your throat, and hock it at an unsuspecting email. {brings up the email}

subject: famous

Ok Strong Bad, you and the Cheat are like famous now,
but why haven't you licensed anything yet? Like where's the
strong Bad novels and fluffy pillows, I need more Strong
Bad in my day, come on man help me out!
From yours truly
Pilmple-Faced Bill from receiving

{reads "Pilmple-Faced Bill" as written}

STRONG BAD: Hey! I paid that pilmple-faced bill months ago! You gotta tell grody Blackhead-Flaced Janice from accounting to update her records! {clears screen} As for being famous and licensing stuff, you've got it all wrong. You don't need to be famous to license stuff. Just look at Biscuitdoughhandsman. He licensed his likeness to a paper towel company—

{Cut to shot of paper towel roll with pictures of Biscuitdoughhandsman and Basil.}

STRONG BAD: —years ago, and no one knows who the crap he is.

LADY: Get this, Vera, it's exorbitantly absorbent!

STRONG BAD: Shut up, lady! {cut back to Lappy} No, the true sign of being famous is in the unlicensed stuff! And we're all over that! In fact, we've got our own application process for becoming an officially licensed unlicensed seller of Strong Bad and The Cheat knock-offs.

{An application form flies onto the screen with the header "So you wanna be an officially licensed unlicensed seller of Strong Bad & The Cheat knock-offs" and entries for "Name", "Number", and "I'll get back to you".}

STRONG BAD: The main requirements are that the country of manufacture has—

{"Country of manufacture" page comes up with a country-like shape in the middle. Names keep appearing and being crossed out.}

STRONG BAD: —changed name five times since I was in seventh grade, that you sell your wares from a—

{"Type of Store" page comes up, with a note "(Circle one)".}

STRONG BAD: —blanket, {a "Dirty Blanket" appears and watches fill it} or inside a trench coat, {A "Dirty Trenchcoat" appears and watches fill it}

STRONG BAD: that you always refer to the selling of our items—

{"You gotta yell this" page comes up, with a cartoony figure of a man wearing a snow hat and a table with 4 watches}

STRONG BAD: —as "numba one bargain!", {the phrase appears in a speech bubble} and that—

{"The Two Guys" page comes up with pictures of Strong Bad and The Cheat who are respectively labeled "Strong Bad" and "The Cheater"}

STRONG BAD: —one of us has to have a human nose.

{Noses appear on both. Cut back to the Lappy with a clear screen.}

STRONG BAD: One of our {he skips typing the word "our"} primary unlicensed licensees is shady daycares. You know, the kind that are open 24 hours and are surrounded by barbed wire.

{Cut to outside view of Papa Cardgage's PUDDIN' PATCH, where a stylized version of Strong Bad holding a 24 HRS. book, a picture of The Cheat as a mouse with antennae and a honey pot, a human-faced Senor Cardgage saying "I TAKE KIDS", and a cross-eyed monster wearing a "GUFF" T-shirt are drawn. Above the entrance is the word "RESTROOM," which is crossed off. There is a chalk tracing in front of the Puddin' Patch indicating the past presence of a dead body.}

STRONG BAD: They love to illegally use trademarked characters to earn desperate parents' trust.

SENOR CARDGAGE: {singing to the tune of "Frère Jacques"} Where is Tompkins? Where is coleslaw? Here I am!

{Cut to a rear view of the Lappy.}

STRONG BAD: Man, if I ever have kids, I can't wait to drop 'em off at the puddin' patch every morning on my way to the dog tracks!

{Cut back to the Lappy with a clear screen.}

STRONG BAD: Another great knock-off is DVDs. The ones that are slight variations of slightly animated kids' movies. The kind they put right next to the check-out line, so Grandma might accidentally mistake it for the real thing. And they have titles like:

{Cut to an orange background, each movie appears as Strong Bad mentions it.}

STRONG BAD: "The Secret Princess and Her Oppressive Authority Figure 4" and the always popular, "Jungle Animals in Decidedly Non-Jungle Situations". {The scene dims} Novelty confections have to be my favorite growth sector of the unlicensed merchandise industry,

{Cut to a box with four "CHEETS".}

STRONG BAD: like these sugar-crusted marshmallow The Cheats, or this gummi {pan up quickly to a Strong Bad shaped blob with a human nose on a stick} gel-ular pop, from Strong Badge: The Movie. {A logo for said movie appears in the bottom right.} And who wouldn't want to rot the teeth {The blob disappears, replaced by a "Strong Brush"} right out of their kid's head with this spinning Strong Bad sugar toothbrush?

{The head of the toothbrush spins around until it falls off, revealing a screw}

COACH Z: Hey, Strong Bad, look!

{Cut to Coach Z and Strong Bad in the computer room. Coach Z is holding a piñata of Strong Bad. Strong Bad turns around to face Coach Z.}

COACH Z: You're twice!

STRONG BAD: A Strong Bad piñata!? Where'd you get that?

COACH Z: Bubs.

STRONG BAD: Bubs!?

{Cut to close-up of Coach Z}

COACH Z: Yeah, he's the fella that runs the concession stand—

{Cut back}

STRONG BAD: I know who he is! He's an unlicensed unlicensed seller! I've been trying to shut him down for years. Come on, The Cheat!

{He jumps off his stool and runs off the screen, The Cheat follows.}

THE CHEAT: {Hurried The Cheat noises}

COACH Z: Ahhhh, what else?

{Cut to rear of Bubs' Concession Stand. Bubs is wearing a trench coat and talking to Pom Pom}

BUBS: —and I just got in this shipment of Strong Bad brand ferret ointment. {Pulls open his coat, revealing merchandise.}

POM POM: {Bubbles}

STRONG BAD: There he is, The Cheat!

BUBS: {Quickly closes his coat} Uh-oh, store's closed.

{Bubs points to the right, Pom Pom leaves. Strong Bad runs on from the left with The Cheat. Cut to close-up of Strong Bad.}

STRONG BAD: What's up with that trench coat, Bubs?

{Cut back.}

BUBS: Oh. Uh... I'm a public flasher!

STRONG BAD: Yeah, right. {shakes fist in Bubs' face} You ain't got no nudity under there! Open 'er up!

BUBS: Okay, okay, you got me. {Opens his coat again.}

STRONG BAD: Just as I suspected! Totally legit looking stuff! Where are the human noses? The misspellings? The choking hazards?

BUBS: That's the kind of stuff I usually sell at the concession stand. {closes his coat} This is the black market, man!

STRONG BAD: So, wait a minute. Your shady bootleg operation peddles quality goods, while your legal store front sells dangerous crap?

BUBS: Exactly. I got a repatation to uphold!

STRONG BAD: Well, in that case... Will The Cheat have an adverse reaction to that ferret ointment?

BUBS: He'll swell up like a balloon.

STRONG BAD Then give me two cases!

THE CHEAT: {Angry The Cheat noise}

{Cut back to the Lappy with a clear screen.}

STRONG BAD: So, we finally shut down Bubs' operation. And not just because he was an unlicensed unlicensed seller either. Guess what all those piñatas were stuffed full of.... {Not typing} Homestar?

{Cut to computer room, Homestar has many cuts on his face, some still with bits of glass protruding from them.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {Singing} Broken glass, broken glass, broken glass, broken glass.

{New Paper comes down}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: That junk was still my best birthdays ever.

Easter Eggs

"Shady Daycares National Park"

• During the email, click on the words "shady daycares" to see a postcard from Shady Daycares National Park.
• After the final bit of dialogue, click on the star on Homestar's shirt to see a scene in the field.

  {Homestar is standing, still with his face covered in cuts and glass shards. The Cheat floats across the screen from the left, puffed up like a balloon.}

  HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing in the same tune as before} Ugly bird, ugly bird, ugly bird, ugly bird...

Fun Facts

Explanations

• The chalk tracing in Papa Cardgage's PUDDIN' PATCH is a cliché to indicate earlier presence of a dead body.
• Strong Bad's mention of DVD movie releases refers to the practice of producing cheap versions of public domain stories that are rushed to the shelves to capitalize on the success of major children's releases (such as Golden Films' adaptations of fairy tales popularized by Disney).
• A flasher is someone who indecently exposes themselves in public.

Trivia

A paragon of peace and stability.

• The changing names of the "country of manufacture" are, in order:
  • Gunkistan
  • East Paunch
  • Republic of Wad
  • Double G
  • West Paunch
  • Guttenberg
• The DVD cases have "DBD" written on the top edge of the cases' spines.
• The label on the Floppy Disk Container reads "return to zork".
• Some of the merchandise depicts Strong Bad smiling.
• The summary for the Podstar Runner RSS feed reads, "Find out how to become an officially licensed unlicensed seller of Strong Bad knock-offs."
  • The YouTube description for this email is similar, reading, "Learn how to become an officially licensed UNlicensed seller of Strong Bad and The Cheat knock-offs."

Remarks

• The preview image for this toon features the scene of Bubs showing his merchandise to Pom Pom (pictured at the top of this page), but all of the products are missing.
• The Strong Bad beanie cap, which is among the items in Bubs' coat, is actually a licensed piece of Strong Bad merchandise, and is sold in the store.
• The chalk tracing in Papa Cardgage's PUDDIN' PATCH appears to trace a person taller than the restroom entrance.
• Strong Bad says, "If I ever have kids..." even though in secret identity, he claims to have kids under his Vance Mudgeman persona.
• When Bubs shows Pom Pom his merchandise, the legs of the Strong Bad piñatas are below the bottom of the coat, yet they are not visible when his coat is closed.
• The Podstar Runner version cuts out the line "That junk was still my best birthdays ever." This line was restored in the YouTube version.
• Strong Bad says that one of the requirements to be a licensed unlicensed seller is that one's Strong Bad and The Cheat-related merchandise have to have a human nose, but the DVDs, the Cheets, and the Strong Brush all have no human noses on either Strong Bad or The Cheat.

Goofs

• When Strong Bad says "One of our primary unlicensed licensees...", he doesn't type the "our".

Inside References

• Strong Bad says, "Shut up, lady" to the woman talking about the paper towels.
• Strong Bad says, "You know, the kind..."
• Strong Bad's mentioning of dog tracks is an example of gambling.
• The Easter egg where Homestar sees The Cheat flying and thinks he's an ugly bird is a reference to helium.
• Senor Cardgage mentions Tompkins, a character from Teen Girl Squad.
• Homestar's glass-strewn face has blood coming out of several wounds.
• This email references the fact that Strong Bad has no visible nose.
• Homestar says he had the "best birthdays ever", which is also an example of using plural instead of singular.
• Strong Bad dressed as a princess is an instance of cross-dressing.
• Coach Z says Strong Bad is "twice".

Real-World References

• Senor Cardgage sings to the tune of Frère Jacques. His version is very similar to the Where is Thumbkin? variation.
• The "Cheets" candies are similar both in name and shape to the chick-shaped marshmallow Easter candies called Peeps.
• The picture of The Cheat as a mouse with antennae is reminiscent of Winnie the Pooh, who carried a similar honey pot, as well as Bumblelion from the Wuzzles T.V. show.
• The cover of "Jungle Animals in Decidedly Non-Jungle Situations" shows The Cheat as a toucan, whose blue plumage and colored beak bear a strong resemblance to Froot Loops mascot Toucan Sam.
• "The Secret Princess and Her Oppressive Authority Figure 4" resembles the Disney films Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and Cinderella (to which two sequels had already been made).
• The spinning sugar toothbrush is a parody of Cap Spin Pop candies, which have battery-powered bases to rotate little lollipops with. Strong Bad refers to it as a toothbrush because novelty electric toothbrushes often have cartoon characters, moving parts, and bright colors in order to better appeal to children.

Fast Forward

• Homestar would again appear with broken glass in his face in sbemail 206.

DVD Version

• The DVD version features hidden creators' commentary. To access it, switch the DVD player's audio language selection while watching.

Commentary Transcript

(Commentary by: Matt Chapman, Mike Chapman, Strong Bad)

MATT: {in a slightly different voice} Hi, Mike.

MIKE: Hi... Matt. Regu— regular Matt? Or...

MATT: Uh...

MIKE: ...a little bit different Matt?

MATT: Uh... {mumbles incoherently as his voice changes to Strong Bad's} Whoa!

MIKE: Oh, Strong Bad!

STRONG BAD: Yeah!

MIKE: What's up?

STRONG BAD: I don't know! {after Strong Bad reads "fluffy pillows" in the email} Uh, what do you think? Should we— should we do some pillows? I feel like we've actually gotten some— some requests, or, from— overtures from people that were making, like, pillows—

MIKE: {simultaneously} I think pillows and, like—

STRONG BAD: —party napkins.

MIKE: {simultaneously} —blankets. Yeah.

STRONG BAD: Party napkins. You ever have those at your kids' parties?

MIKE: We politely declined, by not responding to the email.

STRONG BAD: {chuckling} Yeah, that's the best way to do it. {pause until the Biscuitdoughhandsman paper towel is shown} Oh, look at those! Basil! {Mike chuckles} Umm, so, there's like... there was some kind of paper towel brand that I saw the other day, and it was advertising some lady that had claimed I should like her designs on my paper towels.

MIKE: Maybe Mary Englebert?

STRONG BAD: Yeah.

MIKE: Yeah.

STRONG BAD: {simultaneously} And I think I just made-a some lady up, {Mike laughs} to make it look like it was more desirable.

MIKE: She had, maybe, some kind of country home-style illustrations?

STRONG BAD: Oh, definitely.

MIKE: Of a butter churn?

STRONG BAD: Abso-looch.

MIKE: Did you just burp? {laughs}

STRONG BAD: {chuckling} I did. Excuse me. Oh! Check it out, check it out, check it out, check it out, check it out, check it out, check it out! Right?

MIKE: Yeah. That's how Bubs does it.

STRONG BAD: Oh, look at that. Did you do that drawing of my face?

MIKE: I did.

STRONG BAD: That was pretty good!

MIKE: {in a professional tone} I implemented a different style.

STRONG BAD: "The Cheater".

MIKE: The Cheater?

STRONG BAD: That's what they— you called The Cheat in that drawing.

MIKE: Oh. {chuckles}

STRONG BAD: {looking at the Puddin' Patch} Oh, look at Guff!

MIKE: {laughs} And who's that little guy to the far right of the building?

STRONG BAD: {chuckling} That's the... Pooh-cheat. {Mike laughs} Poochie... t, they call him! {brief pause} Uh, so we got a lotta shady daycares around where you live, Mike.

MIKE: Yeah, there's a couple. The, uh...

STRONG BAD: Li'l Puddin's?

MIKE: {chuckles} Li'l Puddin's, that's right! There's several 24-hour ones.

STRONG BAD: Yep. There's always a nice barbed-wire fence, or at least a jaggedy top fence. You know, you can't just hop with a hand, it'll gouge you out.

MIKE: {chuckles} Just down the street, there's Billy and Alex's, that's writ— uh, written in masking tape, it looks like.

STRONG BAD: Yeah.

MIKE: Over top of what it used to be called. {laughs as Strong Bad talks}

STRONG BAD: Whoever the former proprietors were... {Mike starts to say something} Look at that toucan Cheat!

MIKE: I think that's a Cheater, too.

STRONG BAD: So straight-to-DVD, it hurts. {exclaims in disgust as the "Strong Badge: The Movie" pop appears}

MIKE: Oh, look at that ersatz gummy product.

STRONG BAD: Yeah. I remember... There's some serious— I think it was, Spider-M'n 3 came out, and there was some serious disgusting gel-ular {Mike laughs} gummy toys for his head.

{Strong Bad and Coach Z are talking}

MIKE: What do you think's inside your piñata there?

STRONG BAD: Oh, I should hope there's a couple of... razor blades, {Mike starts to say something} maybe like— But I mean, not like, open razor blades, like, ones for like, a razor, like, to shave—

MIKE: Oh, like a—

STRONG BAD: A pack of—

MIKE: A Quattro, maybe!

STRONG BAD: Yeah, Mach 5's... a pack of thems— those things are expensive, man!

MIKE: Umm...

STRONG BAD: Ohh!

MIKE: I think it was just probably filled with different-flavored Tootsie Rolls. You ever seen those Tootsie Rolls? The...

STRONG BAD: Oh yeah. The green Tootsie Roll?

MIKE: Yeah.

STRONG BAD: But they're all white, aren't they?

MIKE: No, they're colored.

STRONG BAD: {simultaneously} There's some white Tootsie Rolls.

MIKE: There is a white one. They're vanilla-flavored. They're actually pretty good.

STRONG BAD: Those are unsettling.

MIKE: {laughs} They do...

STRONG BAD: They're like those white doodoos that dogs make. I don't wanna eat one of those.

MIKE: My dogs don't make white doodoos. I wonder— maybe it's something that happens when they get older.

STRONG BAD: Yeah, you should probably get ChemLawn to come...

MIKE: {laughing} Maybe that's it.

STRONG BAD: {simultaneously} ...spray your lawn and then they'll start having white doodoos. {pause} Oh, Bubs. Bubs looks good in a trench coat. He looks less shady, I think, actually.

MIKE: Really? A trench—

STRONG BAD: Yeah, I'd trust him more.

MIKE: A trench coat's usually gonna make somebody a bit more—

STRONG BAD: Here's my baby! I just gave Bubs my first-born.

MIKE: You already just said you were gonna take him to Senor Cardgage's Puddin' Patch.

STRONG BAD: Yeah, that's right!

MIKE: Maybe Bubs is the assistant there.

STRONG BAD: I bet he probably is a consult-ant. {pause until Homestar stops singing} Oh wait, that's what the piñata was full of.

MIKE: I totally forgot.

STRONG BAD: Me too.

MIKE: {chuckles}

Fun Facts

• Strong Bad's repetition of "Check it out" is a reference to Lookin' at a Thing in a Bag.
• Strong Bad references lawn treatment company ChemLawn, now known as TruGreen.

External Links

• watch "licensed"
• watch "licensed" on YouTube
• watch "licensed" on the old Flash site
• view the Flash file for "licensed"
• forum thread re: "licensed"