No Hands On Deck!

"I'm gonna go build a deck!"

Homestar decides to build a deck... with galvanized nails!

Cast (in order of appearance): Homestar Runner, Cardboard Marzipan, The King of Town, The Cheat, Pom Pom, Strong Sad, Bubs, Coach Z, Strong Mad (Easter egg)

Places: Marshmallow's Last Stand, The King of Town's Castle, The Stick, Marzipan's House, Strong Sad's Room, The Field, Coach Z's Locker Room, Bubs' Concession Stand

Date: Monday, August 14, 2006

Running Time: 3:07

Page title: Homestar Decker-Slaney!

DVD:Everything Else, Volume 3

Transcript

{The toon opens in Marshmallow's Last Stand with Homestar Runner sitting across from Cardboard Marzipan. As he speaks for her, he moves her head with a string.}

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: ...and they feed the ducks through a tube. Don't you think that's awful?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Look, girl sitting across from me. I gotta level with you. {jumps up, making the Geddup Noise} I'm gonna go build a deck!

{Homestar runs away from the table. He pops up from under the table to voice Cardboard Marzipan}

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: I gots to find me a new man.

{Cut to The King of Town eating something white in a bowl. Homestar pops up from under the table.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey, King of Town!

{The King of Town spits out a remote control.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I'm gonna build a deck!

{Cut to The Cheat knitting in The Field. Homestar pops out from behind The Stick.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: The Cheat, I'm deckin' it out!

{Cut to Homestar standing on Marzipan's couch. Pom-Pom is holding a camera and a boom mic is overhead.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I am the Deckman! {pronounced as deckm'n} D-E-C-K-E-M-A-N!

{Cut to Strong Sad lying in bed. Homestar pops out from under the covers.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh! Hi, Strong Sad... Um... Not sure how I got in here... I'll just... go back the way I came.

{Homestar disappears under the covers.}

STRONG SAD: I have got to get my prescription changed!

{"The Local Newspapes" appears with headline "No Hands On Deck!!"}

{Cut to Homestar and Bubs in The Field. Homestar is wearing a tool belt and leaning against a stack of wood. He also has a toothpick in his mouth, which remains for the rest of the toon.}

BUBS: Now what's all this about, Homestar?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: What, you didn't know? Yeah, I'm building me a deck. Using galvanized nails. That's right, that's right. I said I'm using galvani' nai'.

BUBS: Galvanized nails, eh? Sounds legit. We can chill out on it an' drink melonade all summer long.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, melonade! We haven't talked about that much lately! Maybe we can eat some {Homestar's head turns into an older animation style, and he speaks accordingly} marshmallows {Homestar's head and voice turn back to normal} too!

BUBS: And I like to dance! {beat plays and Bubs does a little dance} Well, I'll let you get back to work. I'll swing by later on with a sixer of Melonade!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Make it a seven-er.

BUBS: Aroo-got it!

{Cut to Coach Z's Locker Room.}

COACH Z: Galvanized, you don't say?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, it's pretty legit. I was thinking about writing a musical about it too. Maybe call it, "My Good/Great Deck". I'll probably get Rappaport to star in it.

COACH Z: What about me? I wanna be in your myorsical! I can be the orphan! {Coach Z switches his hat to a flat cap and starts singing} Oh, where is my mudder-dee-doo?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: That's a good one, Coach. A {the shot zooms in with each of the next three words} really... really... good one. Well, I better get back to work if I'm gonna build a deck in this cartoon. {leaves}

COACH Z: {holds up four Tony awards} But what abrat my four Tony Awards?

{Cut to Homestar sitting across from Cardboard Marzipan in Marshmallow's Last Stand}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: 'Kipedia said vulcanized was the way to go. But I dang old knew better. Galvanized, galvanized, galvanized, that's what I always say!

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: Homestar, are you using galvanized nails to hide the fact that you don't know how to build a deck?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I'm gonna have to get... back to you on that one... Peow! {a small cloud of dust appears, but nothing happens}

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: ... Ahem...

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Let's try that again. Peow! {runs off, leaving behind another small cloud of dust}

{Music plays. Homestar marches forward super-imposed on top of a hammer and saw working on two separate pieces of wood. The scene switches to show a small Homestar being hammered into a plank of wood repeatedly. The scene switches again, showing a saw sawing wood mirrored in four orientations while Homestar flies forward on a pile of lumber. A second pile flies by in the opposite direction. The scene switches to a tabletop, where a tiny Homestar marches, leading a number of galvanized nails out of the box. A larger Homestar rises up from behind, watching them then begins to groove with the music.}

{Music ends. Cut to Bubs and Homestar standing on top of Bubs' Concession Stand, holding cans of Melonade}

BUBS: Well, I'm impressed, Homestar. When you said you were building a deck, I figured it would end up being something stupid and terrible. You know, 'cause you were building it.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, me too!

{Looks out over The Field, which is now completely covered in wood.}

BUBS: But I think I could get used to this!

{Cut back to Bubs and Homestar}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Here's to galvanized nails and cardboard females!

BUBS: I'll drink to that! {Bubs and Homestar chink their cans in a toast.}

{Cut back to the image of the wooden field. Wooden clouds can now be seen as well. The screen reads "end." and "back."}

Easter Eggs

Mudder-Dee-Doo!

• When Homestar says he'll make a musical, click on the locker handle to the left of him to see a playbill for it.

The bill reads:

>T H E A T E R >My Good/
Great Deck >{A picture of Homestar looking determinedly at three galvanized nails}
featuring:
'Where Is My Mudder-
Dee-Doo?'A Three Act Opt-In Musical Rant
by Homestar Runner
(now with 50% more Rappaport!)

• At the end of the cartoon, click the second tree to the left to see a brief scene with a few characters in a 'wooded' environment.

{A lumber-covered Cardboard Marzipan is standing on the deck. Homestar peeks out from under a plank and manipulates her with the string.} CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: Oh, Homestar, I'm so proud of you! {Cut to Strong Mad, similarly boxed in with lumber.} STRONG MAD: ME TOO!

Fun Facts

Explanations

• Galvanization is the process of coating steel or iron with zinc to reduce corrosion. Thus, galvanized nails are zinc-coated nails.
  • Using galvanized nails with ACQ pressure treated deck lumber will lead to electrolysis which will corrode nails very quickly, leading to an unsightly and possibly unstable deck. However, hot-dipped galvanized nails are suitable for use with pressure treated lumber.
• Vulcanization is the curing of rubber. This makes the rubber harder and more durable.
• The term "Ham and Egger" refers to a mediocre or bland athlete, a reference to the fact that ham and eggs is an "ordinary" meal. The slang term was widely used in the world of professional boxing, where it meant either an ordinary grade sparring partner or a palooka, a loser. A "ham and egger" is the opposite of a contender. It was also used in professional wrestling, referring to a wrestler who routinely lost in opening matches and wouldn't make much money, but would still get paid enough to buy a simple meal. The wrestling meaning was popularized by Bobby "The Brain" Heenan.
• Feeding ducks "through a tube" refers to a technique used to enlarge duck livers for the preparation of foie gras by force-feeding cornmeal down the throat several times a day. The alleged harmful effects of this technique are debated among environmental activists and foie gras producers. At the time of this toon's release, the Associated Press and other major news organizations were running stories on the Chicago ban on foie gras that went into effect on the released date of the toon. Treatment to birds is also mentioned in the chair.
• Apothecaries, from the Middle Ages through the 19th century, filled roles analogous to modern pharmacists.
• The Tony Award is an award given for merit in live American theater, particularly on Broadway.
• The call, "all hands on deck" is used on naval vessels to request that all available personnel to report to the top-most deck of the ship. This command is usually given in an emergency such as a fire.

Trivia

The loadinating screen .

"All the decks fit to print"

• This toon's loading screen reads "loadinate".

• The newspaper reads...

>The Local Newspapes

>NO HANDS ON DECK!!
>Area Man To Build Deck
>FCUSA - The world waits with baited breath
>as local ham n' egger Homestar Runner
>prepares to break ground on a wooden
>deck-like Structure of what can only be
>described (by him) as 'deckic proportions.' >The 'Deckeman?' >Strong Sad Unavailable
>For Comment!
>Last seen at local apothecary Bubs' Concession

• The last time melonade was mentioned was in Halloween Potion-ma-jig, but was actually seen last in anything.
• The toon was originally put on the site without the Easter eggs and the wood covered clouds. These were added a few hours later.
• The phrase "with baited breath" is a common misspelling of the phrase "with bated breath", meaning "in extreme anticipation".
• The cans of Melonade Bubs and Homestar are drinking at the end are marked "12 fl. oz."
• The Geddup Noise can be heard when Homestar jumps up and runs away in the opening scene.
• When the toon first came out, on the Toons Menu it said "All Hands On Deck!". Later, it said "No Hands On Deck!".

Remarks

• If you look at the shadows for the "End" and "Back" buttons, "End"'s shadow is stretched out, while "Back"'s is more flat.
• Similar to in Sick Day, when Homestar pronounces his "O" vowel sounds, the toothpick seems to float in front of his mouth.
• In a rare occurrence, Strong Bad doesn't appear in this toon.

Goofs

• There is a tiny dot above Homestar's lip in the first scene when he squints his eyes and says says "I gotta level with you".
• When Homestar says "Make it a seven-er", his workbelt shifts ever so slightly, making it look like it's going through his body instead of around it.
• It is typical that Homestar's eyes face a different direction when they are viewed in a close up view, because of this, Homestar's eyes flip when the camera zooms in on Homestar and Bubs at the end.

Glitches

• You can still click on the Musical Easter Egg after the screen cuts to Coach Z, even though the locker handle isn't there.

Inside References

"Maybe we can eat some... Marshmallows ... too!"

• The title of the short and the newspaper headline refer to Homestar's lack of visible arms.
• "Cardboard Marzipan" originated in Happy Fireworks.
• The King of Town is eating the remote control of the Telebision.
• Just as in the email pom pom, Pom Pom operates the camera while someone else holds the boom mic.
• Strong Sad first mentioned taking medication in funny.
• As Homestar says "marshmallows", his head and voice briefly transform to the earlier A Jumping Jack Contest form, his fifth design. The word "marshmallows" is the soundbite from Homestar Talker.
• Bubs's dance moves are the spin and flip from Dancin' Bubs.
• The music behind Bubs's dance is the same music that played when Strong Bad simulated the "Hammer Pants" hairstyle on Strong Mad's eyebrows in haircut.
• The newspaper, The Local Newspapes, also appears in the Dangeresque series.
• Homestar's line, "...if I'm gonna build a deck in this cartoon," breaks the fourth wall.
• The Cheat was also seen knitting in Seasonal Sweaters.
• Homestar's intonation of "Peow!" while dashing off screen is similar to Strong Bad's in garage sale.
• Homestar tells the Cheat he is "deckin' it out".
• This is the first mention of feeding through a tube.

Real-World References

• The name "Homestar Decker-Slaney" is a reference to U.S. middle-distance runner Mary Decker-Slaney.
• The name "Rappaport" may be a reference to Herb Gardner's Tony award winning play "I'm Not Rappaport" or to stage and film actor Michael Rapaport.
• "'Kipedia" is a reference to Wikipedia. The 'Kipedia article on decks did not mention any nails at the time the toon was created, galvanized or otherwise.

Fast Forward

• In Baddest of the Bands, Bubs builds stages with galvanized nails.
• The background music that plays through the building montage appears on Homestar Runner Original Soundtrack Volume 1 under the title "My Good Great Deck".

DVD Version

• By pressing the angle button on your DVD remote, you can access the "My Good/Great Deck" playbill Easter egg.
• The DVD version features hidden creators' commentary. To access it, switch your DVD player's audio language selection while watching.

Commentary Transcript

(Commentary by: Mike Chapman, Homestar Runner)

MIKE: {pronounced slightly differently each time} Foie gras. Foie gras. Foie gras.

HOMESTAR: Foie gras? You talkin' about foie gras, Mike?

MIKE: Uh oh, so now am I gonna be with Homestar?

HOMESTAR: Yeah, all of the sudden.

MIKE: All right.

HOMESTAR: Out of the blue! Look, I—

MIKE: Tell me about Cardboard Marzipan, Homestar.

HOMESTAR: Who?

MIKE: C—uh, Cardboard Marzipan?

HOMESTAR: Marzip— You mean Marzipan, my girlfriend.

MIKE: The cardboard Marzipan that you control...

HOMESTAR: Well, I wish I could control Marzipan. She is an independent lady, Mike.

MIKE: Yeah?

HOMESTAR: I'll you that much.

MIKE: What happened— {realizes he is talking over Homestar}

HOMESTAR: Oh. Um...

MIKE: Would you like to explain you being in bed with Strong Sad?

HOMESTAR: Well, so, I was on my way... to build a deck.

MIKE: Uh-huh.

HOMESTAR: And I turned—

MIKE: {interrupting} Are you 'Area Man'?

HOMESTAR: I'm an Area Man, definitely.

MIKE: Okay, okay.

HOMESTAR: I turned to the right.

MIKE: {laughing} Uh-huh.

HOMESTAR: Next thing I know—

MIKE: Strong Sad's bed?

HOMESTAR: Yep.

MIKE: Don't take that right.

HOMESTAR: No, sir.

MIKE: Never take that right.

HOMESTAR: {overlapping} I boarded it up afterwards with all my extra decking.

MIKE: Birded it up?

HOMESTAR: Boarded.

MIKE: Birded.

HOMESTAR: {emphasizing pronunciation} Boarded.

MIKE: So how would you say the word "birded"?

HOMESTAR: What does that mean?

MIKE: {laughing} Well, I don't know but it sounds like "birded" and "boarded" would be pronounced the same by you.

HOMESTAR: Like if a bird pooped on my head.

MIKE: Yeah, you were...

HOMESTAR: I got it. {drawn out} Birded.

MIKE: {laughing} All right.

HOMESTAR: {drawn out} Birded. {pause} Bubs is always good for a seven-er.

MIKE: A seven-er— there was a beer called Burger Beer in Cincinnati that comes in thirteen packs.

HOMESTAR: Really?

MIKE: Thirteen-er.

HOMESTAR: Wow. {pause} Yeah, which Rappaport do you think I'm talking about, Mike?

MIKE: Michael.

HOMESTAR: Yeah?

MIKE: Yeah. {pause} He's on that hot sitcom, right? The War At Home, is that his?

HOMESTAR: I dunno. He always— I always want him to be Benny from Dazed And Confused. {Mike laughs} But he's not.

MIKE: That's Cole Hauser.

HOMESTAR: I like that guy.

MIKE: Yeah.

HOMESTAR: Yeah.

MIKE: Did you have to look, uh... Did Matt have to look up what Tony Awards look like?

HOMESTAR: Uh, probably, Mike. I, you know... I don't— yeah, I don't know.

MIKE: Okay.

{pause}

HOMESTAR: I mean, listen to Marzipan! She's trying to undermine my deck-making abilities right there.

MIKE: Yeah.

HOMESTAR: And everything!

MIKE: Why did you make her do that?

HOMESTAR: I didn't make her do that, Mike! What are you talkin' about?

MIKE: Well... y—

HOMESTAR: That is my girlfriend, {exaggerating typical pronunciation of "Marzipan"} Mozipo.

MIKE: {laughs and then sighs} All right.

HOMESTAR: That sounds like somebody just going {imitating the sound of a saw}

MIKE: It might have been aforementioned Matt doing that.

HOMESTAR: Who's that?

MIKE: {laughs} I don't know.

HOMESTAR: Oh, look, I'm dancing with some nails. {Mike laughs} I like the nail dance. {pause} Melonade melonade melonade.

MIKE: You like melonade, eh?

HOMESTAR: I do again. It made my head turn... old. {Mike laughs} It made Bubs dance old. {pause} Yep.

MIKE: So what happened to that stuff? Did you have to take it down?

HOMESTAR: Yeah, they made me tear it all up.

MIKE: Yeah, it didn't pass code, did it?

HOMESTAR: Dry rot.

MIKE: Did— It sounds painful.

HOMESTAR: Termites.

Fun Facts

• The War at Home is an American sitcom starring Michael Rappaport, that ran two seasons between 2005 and 2007 on Fox.
• Dazed and Confused is a 1993 film about the last day of school for a group of Texas teenagers in 1976. Despite a large ensemble cast, Michael Rappaport is not in the film.
• Dry rot is decay of cured lumber by fungi in the absence of water.

External Links

• watch "No Hands On Deck!"
• watch "No Hands On Deck!" on the old Flash site
• view the Flash file for "No Hands On Deck!"
• forum thread re: "No Hands On Deck!"