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"The Coach Z says, 'I have more than two prablems.'"

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As explained in [[Main Page 11]] and [[Who Said What Now?]], [[Coach Z]] has claimed to have '''"more than two problems"'''. An analysis of his behavior shows the following problems:

{| id="toc" class="wikitable toc" summary="Contents"
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| <div id="toctitle">

<span id="contents"></span>
== Contents ==

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* [#Alcoholism 1 Alcoholism]
* [#Anti-Social_Behavior 2 Anti-Social Behavior]
* [#Financial 3 Financial]
* [#Hygiene 4 Hygiene]
* [#Lack_of_Generally_Common_Knowledge 5 Lack of Generally Common Knowledge]
* [#Medical 6 Medical]
* [#Psychological 7 Psychological]
* [#Speech_Impediment 8 Speech Impediment]
* [#Miscellaneous 9 Miscellaneous]
* [#See_Also 10 See Also]

|}

<span id="mw17"></span>
== <span class="mw-headline">[[Alcohol|Alcoholism]]</span> ==

* He has been drunk multiple times, usually on [[Listerine]].
* He spiked the punch at the [[senior prom]] with Listerine.
* He [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 5.0|called]] [[Marzipan]] while drunk, along with [[Bubs]].

<span id="anti-social-behavior"></span>
== <span class="mw-headline">Anti-Social Behavior</span> ==

* He wears a [[underlings|disturbingly small bathing suit]] when swimming, and doesn't realize that it makes others uncomfortable.
* It has been implied that he [[Marzipan and Coach Z's Relationship|has a crush on Marzipan]]. He has occasionally made [[Fall Float Parade|"inapprapriate" comments]] about her and has [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 9.2|let it slip]] that he snuck into her house. It now seems that he has been [[Baddest of the Bands|given a]] [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 16.2|restraining order]] prohibiting him from coming within 500 feet of [[Marzipan's House|Marzipan's house]].
* He's been arrested twice, the first time being sent to a [[Play Date|juvenile prison]] and the second time being tried as a minor, with his own defense lawyer [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 17.2|having trouble believing his innocence]] despite possible evidence exonerating him of his unnamed crime.
* He has been known to respond to "what's up" with information about his [[Big Butts|butt]] or other embarrassing physical problems, according to a [[Decemberween Short Shorts|song about how to be more socially acceptable]], sung by Homestar.
* He [[Homestar Presents: Presents|pretended to get a call from his parents]] during which he lied about having prepared a traditional Decemberween dinner and inviting guests while actually dining alone on Salisbury steak.
* He had [[Strong Badia the Free|previously answered personal date ads]] sent by [[The King of Town|the King of Town]], despite being warned not to.
* He implies that committing [[I Killed Pom Pom|"premeditated murder in cold blood"]] is a normal mistake someone might make.
* He boasts [[Mr. Poofers Must Die|"nobody can get fatally irresponsible with an animal like Coach Z"]].

<span id="financial"></span>
== <span class="mw-headline">Financial</span> ==

* He claims he [[These peoples try to fade me|has money, but not much]].
* He lives in a [[Coach Z's Locker Room|gymnasium locker room]].
** He has also been seen living in the [[Gremlin]] as though it were an [[sbemail 206|apartment]].
* He frequently has his power shut off because he [[Homestar Presents: Presents|forgets to pay his bills]].
* He has occasionally [[Blubb-O's Commercial|attempted to be sent to prison]], since he would be guaranteed "three square meals a day".
* He [[secret recipes|can't afford "the money cost variety"]] for ice cream.
* He will [[These peoples try to fade me|flow and/or freak for food.]]

<span id="hygiene"></span>
== <span class="mw-headline">Hygiene</span> ==

* He holds the [[record book|record]] for the longest time gone without [[Showering|showering]].
* He wears [[shapeshifter|sweaty pants]].
* He [[hremail 3184|showers with spit]].

<span id="lack-of-generally-common-knowledge"></span>
== <span class="mw-headline">Lack of Generally Common Knowledge</span> ==

* Despite being a coach, he [[secret recipes|doesn't know what a basketball is]].
* He's [[rampage|bad at abbreviations]].
* He claims to [[Sbemail 169 Deleted Scene|only know a few words]], such as "pfargtl", his "favorite animal".
* At one point, he believed that the shower heads in his locker room were his "[[hygiene|drippy, broken speakers]]".
* He believes a [[Cardboard Boxes|cardboard box]] with a detached microphone is a [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 15.2|record studio]].
* He thinks [[environment|cooking with hydroelectricity]] means running a hot dog under the shower.
* He claims that [[parenting|human babies]] smell like plastic and are full of yellow goop.

<span id="medical"></span>
== <span class="mw-headline">Medical</span> ==

* He has "[[rampage|problems with his feet]]", including [[labor day|athlete's foot]], [[Doomy Tales of the Macabre|bunions, corns, and calluses]].
* He has [[Coach Z's Character Video|mentioned]] [[rampage|several times]] that he [[slumber party|has a bad back]].
* When his bathing suit is removed, he [[underlings|leaks a black fluid]].
* He has [[cliffhangers|bad hand-eye coordination]].
* He once had [[A Decemberween Mackerel|chronic athlete's tongue, rub rash, and hot pooey]].
* He makes squishing noises when [[Fan Costumes 2017|removing his "skin tight green job"]].
* He [[Halloween Hijinx|suffers from]] a torn [[Made-Up Body Parts|rubdominal scrimmage]].

<span id="psychological"></span>
== <span class="mw-headline">Psychological</span> ==

* He [[garage sale|thinks that he is a mother]].
* He [[Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 8.0|sometimes forgets what's real and what's just in his head]].
* He has an obsession with [[Butts|butts]] and [[Butt-Patting|butt-patting]]. He thinks [[1 step ahead|people touching their own butts]] is a good thing, and is, according to Homestar, "re-known" for his [[trading cards|self-butt pats]].
* He seems to [[Date Nite|believe he's in a relationship with]] [[Bubs]].
* He has [[mini-golf|short-term memory loss]].
* He once asked a [[Wormdingler|drawing he made]] to [[Trogday 08|be his bride]].
* He believes that a [[diorama|sketch of a cell phone]] is a real cell phone.
* He does not seem to [[Homestar Ruiner|learn things from his past experience]].
* He has an [[imaginary|imaginary friend]] named "Real Live Actual Mr. Blangcaster Next Door", who looks very shady by the shape of his outline.
* He thinks a little eyeball-vomit is [[@StrongBadActual Tweets 2019|a natural side effect of try-harding]].
* He has been [[parenting|raising a bag of banana pudding]] as a child since he was Strong Bad and Homestar's age, oblivious to the fact it's long gone rancid.

<span id="speech-impediment"></span>
== <span class="mw-headline">Speech Impediment</span> ==

''See [[Coach Z's Accent]]''

<span id="miscellaneous"></span>
== <span class="mw-headline">Miscellaneous</span> ==

* He often [[secret recipes|pukes his pants]].
* He carries a bottle of [[Halloween Potion-ma-jig|questionable water]] with him at all times for [[Questionable Services|questionable reasons]].
* Even when he finds he's eating something awful, he [[secret recipes|still eats it]].
* He [[Sbemail 169 Deleted Scene|enjoys covering puke in sawdust]], claiming that "Sawdust makes everything delicious".
* He admits he [[theme park|likes a good chafe]].
* He never seems to notice or complain that there is [[Homestar Ruiner|itching powder in his jock strap]].
* He thinks [[Fall Float Parade|Strong Sad is yellow]].
* [[Dangeresque (character)|Dangeresque]] remarks that his partner [[Renaldo]] was called "The One-Man Two-Problem" in the Navy.

<span id="see-also"></span>
== <span class="mw-headline">See Also</span> ==

* [[Crimes Committed by Strong Bad]]
* [[Bubs's Shady Business Practices]]

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[/wiki/Special:Categories Categories]: <span dir="ltr">[[Category:Lists|Lists]]</span> | <span dir="ltr">[[Category:Coach Z|Coach Z]]</span> | <span dir="ltr">[[Category:Inside Jokes|Inside Jokes]]</span>

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Coach Z's Problems - Revision history

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